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Tins Nox Dec 2011
In a few days, I’ll take a step
Not towards anything special…
Just the biggest event of my life

I’m not ready.

Not a step, but a leap
A jump into thin air
Darkness
Off a cliff
It’s time to prepare for a fall

I’ll be on my own this time
Nobody holding my hand
Nobody showing me how to work the parachute
I might crash

What happens then?

No longer being told how
Expectations
Observations
Limitations

Impossibilities

I don’t want to be alone
I don’t want responsibility
I don’t want to learn how
I don’t want to grow up

I’m not ready…
Tins Nox Apr 2015
How much debt can a father build?
Oh, as much as his daughter's heart can carry.
Tins Nox Dec 2011
There have been many who have said that actions
speak louder than words.
I would be lying if I said I did not love you.
But affections are not in phrases, or letters.
Affections are walks in the spring air,
Laughing.
Meaningless chatter over cold tea.
Random love notes
        Or flowers
Or even planned events.

Affections are showing up when I’m sick
with my favorite movie,
or taking me to that family dinner that even you don’t want to go to.

Affections are caring enough to tell me that my shirt is ugly.
To argue with me because it makes me mad
when you don’t.
(And then to apologize after.)
To know my issues, and to understand;
to not pressure me.

Affections are knowing the words ‘I love you’ are there,
without being asked, or having to ask,
but saying them anyway.
Tins Nox May 2012
The ground is stained as a reminder
Of the battle that took place here
Rain has washed away the memories
But not drowned away the fear

Guns were fired, lives were lost
Hearts were broken on this land
No life dares ever grow here
As token to those who still stand

The moon never shines it light
On this dreary barren ground
The skies are always cloudy grey
To keep the sadness hanging around

The graves are built to weather the storm
But lonely, no flowers make their beds
With nobody to remember this
There’s no one here to rest their heads
Tins Nox Jan 2012
Black Heart
Ice cold
Territorial
So bold
Fall hard
Beat fast
Terrified
Won't last
Not clear
So blind
Yet, loud
Should find
Confused
And hurt
Black Heart
Don't burn
Tins Nox Nov 2015
a line divides us
on one side stands
       stacked all steadily
the things to which
    I hold close to heart
morals
ideals
promises
                     to myself
       to others

and I can see you
watching me across the way
a mess around your feet
and fire
           climbing to the sky
heat embracing you
just as you like it

chaos                  calm
             to       my

sometimes
opposites don’t attract
sometimes they explode

I won’t ask you to freeze in my arms
and you know I’ll never melt in yours

a line divides us
           so little
                    so long
Tins Nox Apr 2012
Like the ticking of a clock,
My heart beats in my ears.
I wait for the sound of it to stop,
As I have for many years.

Yet endlessly the ticking goes,
A bomb waiting to burst.
Tirelessly, it outlasts my foes,
Myself alone spared, forever cursed.

The fuse is spent, but there is no flame,
A sputtering spark, lost and confused.
No further items to catch the blame,
Wandering helplessly, battered and bruised.

Searching for some long lost hope,
My tired feet drag me through the days.
I keep dropping to the end of my rope,
Yet there's always more room, despite the frays.

Like the ticking of the clock,
My heart beats in my ears.
I wait hopelessly for it to stop,
As it beats to the rhythm of my tears.
GO
Tins Nox Dec 2011
GO
I used to fall into your arms
But only if you let me
We used to laugh under the stars
But only if you let me

I used to cry to you for hours
But only cuz you let me
I would only ask for yellow flowers
And only when you let me

I almost didn’t run too far
Because you almost didn’t let me
I almost let you leave a scar
And you almost, almost let me

Now I fall whenever I want
And he always lets me
I’m free to give the love I’ve got
And he’s free to let me

I always do what I never could
Because you never let me
He loves me as a lover should
… and you almost didn’t let me
Tins Nox May 2012
Grey
the void between
Black and White
           neither
Dark nor Light
it's Purity
has been tainted
but it is not yet
           Evil
Sorrowful
but tinged with
             Hope
always on the Edge
but never quite
           There
representation of the Insane
and the Successful
it means so little
            Yet...
nothing is ever just
Black
        and
                 White
Tins Nox Dec 2011
This house is not a home anymore
It’s unlocked every window and opened every door
Thieves and villains enter in the night
Searching every nook and cranny for some hint of light

The sun comes up and it keeps them at bay
The doors are locked and it keeps them away
Unfortunately the damage has begin
But nobody can tell, if they’re a stranger looking in

Fake garden grass and a newly planted tree
May fool the neighbors but it sure ain’t fooling me
Fresh new paint hides the beat up coat beneath
New locks on windows, a trespassing sign at my feet

You can hide the battle scars but new wounds bleed a lot
Some broken furniture and an over boiling ***
Don’t draw the shades on me now or the curtains on me yet
We’ll get you all cleaned up, clear that fog from your head
Tins Nox May 2012
She has the eyes of a hunter:
Feral, wild, full of life.
Eyes that have known victory
and have tasted defeat.
Eyes that have seen life pass
and have been the one to take it.
Eyes that have given life back
when it was not theirs to take.
Eyes that know when to adapt to surroundings
and when to make surroundings adapt to them.
Eyes that have faced fear and danger
with all the courage of a thousand soldiers
and eyes that have turned and fled
at the slightest hint of a storm.
Eyes that know a friend in a stranger
and a stranger in a friend.
Eyes that have cried for many reasons
and have smiled for many more.
She has the eyes of a hunter.

She has the eyes of the prey.
Tins Nox Dec 2011
I cannot fly if you tie down my wings,
And then push me over the edge.

I cannot sing if you make me scream,
So loud I lose my voice.

I cannot listen if you do not speak,
And expect me to do as I’m told.

I cannot play if you lock me up,
Then forget I even exist.

I cannot live if you make it difficult,
And if I do not have a reason.

I cannot smile if you do not make me,
Why would I if I am not happy?

I cannot laugh if you do not let me,
Because then I have done something wrong.

I cannot trust if you do not teach me,
So teach me, but be patient.

I cannot love when your heart is closed,
So love me, and let me love you.

Maybe then I will no longer say I cannot,
But instead, I know I can.
Tins Nox Dec 2011
I could write you rhymes
I could write you prose
I could write you lines and lines
And still you'd never know

Your eyes are burning cruel
Your heart is frigid cold
Still I feel no contempt for you
Still my heart grows ever bold

Your ignorance is no bliss for me
Yet, you are far from naive it's true
You taunt me like no one before
I smile still, and laugh with you

It's hard, I admit, to pretend it hurts
I cherish every word that passes from your lips
While your obliviousness is near unbearable
Any attention, and the facade almost slips

At times harsh implications pass from you
It's hard to imagine how you'd react
False fantasies occur every time I hope you have
Yet, a lucky guess is all, nothing is fact

So I could write you lots of rhymes
And paragraphs of beautiful prose
If I tried, I'd write lines and lines
But my love remains hidden, which is best, I suppose
Tins Nox Dec 2011
If I asked, would you write me a song?
If I begged, woul you string me along?
Is it possible for you to hold me close?
Is it possible for you to let me go?

If you bought me flowers, and they withered up and died,
Would you buy me more,
Or hold me as I cried?

If I ran away from you, would you chase after me?
Or would you remain where you were
And rely on trust, patiently?

If I did not want your words, would you show them to me still?
Or give me something else instead,
That cures me like a pill?

If I could not show you love would you love me still despite?
Or would you finally have enough,
And leave me then, the end in sight?

If I asked, would you know?
If I asked, would you go?
Is it possible for this to succeed?
Is it possible to fill this need?
Tins Nox Dec 2011
Shining brighter than the sun
My only words spoken to none
Falling faster than the rain
The pitter patter of my gain

Doors will open, doors will shut
A wild rose, and nothing but
Searching still for something less
The deadly gaze of happiness

Brighter yet, the fire grows
More dangerous, experience shows
Tread carefully through unseen sand
Reaching for some unknown hand

The icy chill draws strangers in
Throws them back to the cold again
The gentle smile calms the heart
Just enough time to find a start

I'd care for you if I knew how
Curtain's open, take a bow
Secrets lie, and truths revealed
In confidence, my lips are sealed
Tins Nox Mar 2014
How do you accept someone's
Comfort
when the one offering it is the
*Cause?
Tins Nox Dec 2011
I hate you
I hate everything about you
From the way you laugh
To your charming smile
I hate the sound of your voice
And how you can say anything to me
And I’ll fall to pieces before you
I hate the way you look at me
I hate your eyes
I hate your thoughtfulness,
And how you’re always one step ahead of me
I hate how you know me
And how you learn me
Just by watching
I hate how you make me feel
How you make me think
How you make me act
I hate how I never know what to do
I hate being unprepared
I hate you
…I hate you
Tins Nox Mar 2012
With an ounce of tears and a pinch of regret
I sat on the steps and I bowed my head
And all of the things I hadn't said yet
Ran through my mind til my cheeks were wet

Sorrows and butterflies flew through my heart
Pushing at the seams til I fell apart
I have yet to end but I have no place to start
This is life's foolish movie, and I have no part

A few graceful steps, my eyes only stared
What I could've said, if I only dared
My gift was my curse, silence 'cause I cared
My heart left in pieces, feelings undeclared

With a new vow of silence and years of remorse
I rise from the steps as you open the doors
And I never once look, though it requires much force
Knowing there’s pain in your eyes, and I am the source

I hear my name called and choose not to reply
It hurts to ignore, but hurts more to know why
If this is my truth, then I’d rather lie
As cheers ring around me, I leave you behind

I’d ask for forgiveness, you would just shake your head
Without life, I must now live like the dead
With the one of your choosing you are eternally wed
Some other now stands, where I once stood instead
Tins Nox Oct 2014
she was always told to dance
like nobody was watching

for the first few years,
she was too young
to understand what it meant

when she finally understood,
she was too afraid to listen
to the music in her head

when she got over her fear
and took that first step,
a dance began
but nobody cared

she danced
and nobody watched

oh
but e v e r y o n e noticed
when she stopped
Tins Nox Dec 2011
Silent Man
I know you
Let's be again
Like we used to
Hurt my heart
And I'll hurt yours
We'll laugh and smile
At our new scars
Kiss me quick
Insult my heart
Where we end
Now we start
Tins Nox Dec 2011
I just want to write about things I have no words for.
I want to rant about feelings I don’t even understand.
I don’t know how to describe what is in my head.
I can’t write what I don’t know.
It’s hard, when I just want to scream
And cry and laugh and kiss you all at the same time.

I just need to vent, but how can I
When there is nothing for me to vent about ?
I have no words for the things I have running in my head
And so find myself repeating things for lack of anything else to say.
I rummage through my mind as my fingers fly across
The keys, waiting for something to pop to the front,
Needing the warmth of the friction of typing
So I know my tension, my build up of everything
Of this nameless blech is being released.

But yet no matter how much I write,
Nor no matter how much I spit out,
Nothing happens. No words of comfort.
Nobody will know. And I feel no relief.
I just go on and on, hoping at least one of these meaningless phrases
Will mean enough to calm my rapid heart.
Or enough to change my frantic mind.
But it doesn’t. And I grow more and more confused as
I work out what I actually do feel.
Which is everything
And nothing
At the same time.
Which is quite a heavy burden to bear,
Since I can’t describe it
And I can’t tell you
Because you’d ask for words,
And this is all I can offer.

And I know this will never be enough
Because it is still not enough for me,
But it’ll have to be, because
It’s all I have.
Tins Nox Mar 2013
I write these words
upon my Soul-

to free my mind,
and all it holds.
Tins Nox Apr 2012
Fight me with every step
Push away with every breath
Denial is love's greatest curse
With no knowledge, there is no hurt

A brush of hands, a stolen look
Can't be taught, nor learnt from book
Hard to forget the mind's well-known
Hard to heal the stitches sewn

Scared of all the open wounds
So sure of an impending doom
Too much risk to cross that line
The heart does not believe these lies

Eventually all will fall below
Ride the highest highs and lowest lows
Don't run from what you can't resist
The further you go, the more it persists
Tins Nox Dec 2011
She is a Flower.
Not as pretty or as loved
As the fairytale Rose.
Nor as ugly or avoided
As the invasive Dandilion.
Yet, she is not as average
As the Daisy or the Tulip.

She is brilliantly subtle.
Unlike the Rose, who's achievements
And beauty have been boasted for ages.
Nor the Dandilions, who have nothing
But false promises to offer.
Yet, still unlike the Daisies and Tulips,
Who offer only fake love and false beauty.

She is a solitary friend.
Whereas the obnoxious Rose chooses only
Those who fit the likes of itself.
And the Dandilion only attracts those
Who are not annoyed by its attitude.
Even still, there are those affected by the Daisy's lies,
And the Tulips, who do little behind masks.

She surrounds herself with the Dandilions,
To make up for her ability to be a Rose,
But inability to care.
The Tulips and Daisies learn to outshine
The presence that has always glowed within.
She grows in shadows,
Struggling for light,
And nobody notices the jewel of the flower that she is.
Because the Roses, and the Dandilions, and the Tulips
Grow like weeds around her
So she loses sight of what she could be.

She is a Flower.
A dying species.
Love her, nuture her, and help her to grow.
There are only a few that will ever know
What she looks like
When she blooms.

Be one.
Tins Nox Apr 2014
They say the day the Earth stood Still;
the Heavens split in two.
And then He walked among the Land -
and then He created You.

But in Dark another lies in wait;
His vengeance soon to be.
Patience is His greatest Power;
His greatest Creation - Me.
Tins Nox Nov 2015
You said you’d die for me
protect me with your life.
I cried.
I begged.
I pleaded.
No!
How could you?
Why would you?
I won’t let you!
My life is nothing without you.
Words you reflected back at me.

Live for me.
Live for me.

You said you’d die for me
But no.
No that could never happen.
No force on Heaven, Hell, or Earth
could take you from me.
I will not let them.

I would not let you.

My life is mine to save.
My chances are mine to take,
and I am no damsel.

You will not leave me behind,
dying in the cold
of your absence.

No.

You told me that you’d die for me.
And so to stop you
I died instead.
Tins Nox Dec 2011
Six inches
Between happiness and heartache
Reaching, stretching, every muscle aching
Every heartbeat sounds as a drum
Empty space
Never before has it had feeling
Now, it is cold
And heavy
So close
Yet the distance grows farther
With every passing second
Six inches
All that stood between my fingers
And your love
You took a step

Seven inches
Tins Nox Dec 2011
I am the song you hear on the radio
That you turn up and sing along with
I am sun that shines down on you
Warming your skin and lighting your day
I am the kind words that touch your soul
That make your day all the more worth it
I am the warmth that fills your heart
Every time your love starts to speak

                 But somewhere deep down I am always red
                 Somewhere deep down I am always wound
                 Somewhere, I burn and I need to release
                 The tension I build but always resist

I am the pain that you feel
When you cut your hand or burn a finger
I am the tears that fall from your eyes
Every time someone makes you sad
I am the hate you carelessly toss
At those who anger you in simple ways
I am the jealousy that torments your mind
And the knowledge you will never have it

                But somewhere deep down I am always red
                Somewhere deep down I am always wound
                Somewhere, I burn and I need to release
                The tension I build but always resist

I can be your pain and I can be your comfort
I can be your love and your hate
I will show you both sides to every story
With every wrong, there is a right

                But deep down I am red
                Deep down I am wound
                Deep down I burn and need to release
                The tension that’s building that I learn to resist
Tins Nox Dec 2011
Somewhere, Somebody
wants to cry
wishes they had someone to hold
needs a place to rest their head

Somewhere, Somebody
longs to feel loved
hopes for a brand new start
desires to change what they can't

Somewhere, Somebody
told somebody else's secret
lied about something important
pretended to be someone to make another happy

Somewhere, Somebody
was injured by harsh words
felt overcome with anger
made someone cry

Somewhere, Somebody
wants you to smile
wished you were hapy
needs your friendship
longs to be loved by you
hopes you like them
desires to be close to you
told you a deep secret in trust
lied about hating you
pretended they were okay with just being friends
was overcome with happiness
felt touched by your words
made someone's day

Somewhere, Somebody
Loves You
Tins Nox Dec 2011
Though the tears are not falling,
The pain is still calling,
And reaching out, begging for me.

Though I will carry on,
Pretend nothing's wrong,
I'm hiding it all underneath.

My smile is clear,
But my mind isn't here,
My heart is unraveling.

The meaning has vanished,
My mind's in a panic,
I know what is happening.

I want to pretend,
Live it out to the end,
But it just isn't working.

I see what I've done,
What I have become,
And all I want is your sympathy.

But now it's too late,
Today is the day,
I will end my suffering.
Tins Nox Dec 2011
The world is vibrant.
Questions are many.
Everything has a place to be,
But everything is messy.
There is no right way,
Yet still searching for it.

People are people,
Animals are animals,
And sometimes,
Both are both.

Knowledge is abundant.
However, too many curious things
Make paying attention difficult.

Fragile hearts.
Tough skin.
Sometimes, though,
The skin will tear,
And the heart will hold everything together.

We rely on them.
We abuse their innocence.
They are delicate,
But they are the strongest of us all.
Without them,
We would not be here.

Cherish the children.
Around You.
From You.
In You.
Tins Nox Apr 2012
"It's cold," She said.
The stars, they laughed.
A frown marred her pretty face.

Esteem now dead,
The time, it passed.
Her eyes picked up the waste.

"You're mean," She dared.
The sky, it fell.
Her words died on the breeze.

"Not now," She cared.
Her eyes, they tell.
The truth dies in the seas.
Tins Nox Dec 2011
I do not say 'I love you.'
I don't like to be touched
I won't listen to affectionate speeches
I refuse to be fussed over
I can't accept mushy cards or presents
I barely understand words of emotion

I hold hands or link arms to feel close
I offer advice if it's needed (even if you do not ask)
I can make you smile or laugh if you're scared or angry
I give without expecting back
I defend even at my own expense
I talk to fill the silence, even when I wish for quiet
I will never say something intentionally hurtful
I always think first
I will only tell you what you need to hear
I will teach you to be a better you

I do not say 'I love you.'

But I know how.
Tins Nox Jan 2012
As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for miles of endless dreams
Catch the colors in your hands
Take me on journeys to far away lands

Sing me lyrics that have no words
Let us soar in skies without any birds
Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine
As we pass backwards and forwards and sideways in time

Bring me some flowers that will never die
Tell me no truths, show only lies
So when I awaken, my real life will seem
More dreary and bleak, 'til I return to the dream
Tins Nox Feb 2015
they always tell you
"reach for the moon -
if you miss,
you'll land among stars."

what they fail to mention is that
the moon needs light from
the sun
          to shine.
and the light from the stars
takes billions of years
to reach us;
but first
                  they must implode.
Tins Nox Dec 2011
Won’t you smile for me?
Laugh with my laugh again,
Let me know where I belong,
Sing until I fall asleep,
Hold me in your arms?

Won’t you smile for me?
Wipe the tears I cry,
Off my face and say,
Everything is fine,
And you’ll never leave me?

Won’t you smile for me?
Make the silent birds sing,
Make the dying flowers grow,
Let the river’s water flow,
Let the sun shine freely?

Won’t you smile for me?
Tightly hold me to you,
Don’t ever let me go,
Tuck my hair behind my ear,
Place a kiss on my cheek?

Won’t you smile for me?
Lighten up my day,
Comfort me when I’m down,
Remember what to say,
And never forget me?

Won’t you smile for me?

— The End —