shaina: Poems

closet

shaina Jan 2023

closet

i don't want to see you cry again
in your closet
alone

knocking on the door,
calling my name,
please don't cry alone

"Closet" is from the perspective of my roommates, who dealt with my bs. I am so grateful for them putting up with me, and without them, I probably wouldn't come to my senses. I would cry in my dorm closet a lot and my roommates made it clear that it was okay to sit in the room with them.

Don't You?

shaina Jan 2023

Don't You?

do you find me repulsive?
are you afraid of me?
how can my favorite
person in the world,
hate me?

you hate me
don't you?
disgusting,
repulsive

how could I ever think
that for a second
you liked me,
cared about me,
or thought about me.

i'm suspected to believe
that you hate me,

don't you?

11/19/22
"Don't You" is about how I started to think that he hated me, instead of liking me, but that's a mean thing to assume about a person. The second line relates back to my poem, "Female," where he would be afraid of my emotions. I remembered that I just wanted him to like me, but he never felt the same.

Female

shaina Jan 2023

Female

I'm just a female
who has empathy
a really nice
female friend
who has feelings
that you lack

you get scared,
at the thought
that I cry

you distanced yourself
from me
because I feel emotion.
intense
feelings

Oh, I'm just a female
who has empathy
who's there
if you need a hug
or there to understand

but am I just a female to you?
am I nothing more?

I was just a female.
that's all I ever was.

11/17/22
"Female" is about how he only saw me as a female and not as a girl or a woman. He couldn't understand why I was run with emotion. While I was looking back into our messages to timeline, it became very clear that he never actually liked me or thought of me as a person. "I thought I could talk to a female because they are so empathetic"

This is from my project, "Rose Tinted," a collection of poems, drawings, and stories of reflection. The art can be found on my instagram in the upcoming months.

#unreciprocatedlove #female #womenasobjects #male #emotional

Give Up

shaina Jan 2023

Give Up

Give up,
there's nothing for you here.

I know you want to stay.
keep giving,
for a miracle

Give up
there's nothing for you here.

what if he'll change?
what if I had a chance?
if there was a chance,
it would have already happened.
he would've changed a long time ago

Give up,
there's nothing for you here.

No matter how much luck you have,
from your socks,
to your pockets,
to the locket around your neck,
your presence does nothing

Give up,
there's nothing for you here.

I can no longer entertain my delusions
I've reached a dead end
there are no more "what ifs"
no matter how hard you'd wish

Give up,
there's nothing for you here.

Move on.

"Give Up" is about giving up on my crush. You can't force someone to love you and you can't love someone so hard.

hi, again

shaina Jan 2023

hi, again

hi, again!
I look at you
and I smile,
hiding my face
behind a sheet of paper.

you talked.
I listened.

"But you've heard this before."
I know.

I want to hear it again,
or a million times
just to hear your voice.

"hi, again" is about how my feelings were still there. I made my roommate come to this fair and I knew he was going to be there. Even though I went through a lot mentally, I liked liking him.

Rage

shaina Jan 2023

Rage

he was the first
to treat me like a person

not as an object
to be looked at
for my body

he wasn't like that
he liked me as a person

but I don't think
he liked me at all.

12.6.22
"Rage" is a special poem out of all the poems I've written, and something that I didn't want to admit. But this shows that he didn't like me. I thought he was so sweet.

Violin

shaina Jan 2023

Violin

Spotted in a sea of musicians,
there you are
playing your violin

bouncing along
to the rhythm
plucking each string
bowing each chord

some classical tune
that I don't understand
but you love it.

In this sea of musicians,
you stand out
because I knew you
and I know how much
you love
your music

Please keep playing
your music
your violin.

11.19.22
"Violin" is about all the times at work I would see him perform. It made me really happy to see him play. I'm so proud of him.

— The End —