It was then I had realized
why people listened to sad songs
stayed up all night waiting for late replies
they would get insecure when they see their person with another
how their world would stop when they see them
would get the butterflies whenever their lips touched
their day incomplete when they don't see each other
couldn't sleep when a big argument comes up
but become lovers again the very next day
how down they would be if they can't cheer them up
get all giddy when they hold hands
smiling like a fool when a thought of them comes up
how their life is complete when they are together
it was then I noticed
this silly and delirious emotions
are the great effect of loving someone

I don't want to be his five minute cigarette break
I want to be the person he comes to every time he lights up a blunt
I don't want to be drunk with him on a Saturday night
I want to be the person who's there with him when the sunrise is up on Sunday morning and he's still hang over
I want to be the person he drunk calls at four o'clock in the morning when his mind is blurred, yet my name is the first and only thing he thinks about
I want to be the person he thinks of when he is so high and he can't think straight but the thought of my face is always clear no matter where his mind wanders off
But these are just my thoughts when I've already had five hits
As I watched him across the room
He probably had too many to drink and lit up a lot
When he takes his last hit, he smiles at me
And the thoughts I had felt like forever
But only a minute passed by
But when he grinned at me
In that moment I wished it lasted for a long time
He probably won't remember any of this the next day
I know I will

heartbreak is a feeling I don't ever want to feel again.
heartbreak is abandoned, betrayal, uncared for, forgotten, misunderstood,  depression, physically and mentally hurt
all at the same time
it's like someone stabbing your heart multiple times
someone ripping out your lungs and you won't be able to breathe
getting your ribs opened and broken
every part of you won't be able to move
your hands shaking
your legs trembling and forgetting how to walk
your body is numbed
your brain only has thoughts of hopelessness
your heart, your precious and fragile heart
is shattered into pieces that will take a long time to reform to its old self again
heartbreak is a mixture of breakdowns and wanting to sleep for eternity
it's when even in your dreams you find yourself crying
cause the pain is just too real and too much to handle
and when someone is asking you if you're alright, you can't even speak for it seems like he took all your words away from you, even the words "I'm fine" he took that too and you can't lie or hide away your feelings from anyone anymore cause they see right through you
I made myself feel all these emotions for a boy and then the next thing is I got my heartbroken
it all happened so fast and I still don't know how it went downhill
but if I could and trust me I would absolutely trade that heartbreak in a millisecond with no hesitation
after a few weeks I've started to express my feelings to a few people
and of course at that time I still felt so much sadness in me
I remember saying "it's the remembering, the memories, all these little things you know about them will be in your thoughts even if you try so hard to hide them away there will be times where something will remind you of that person..." trying to not to feel the depth of what I said back then, I couldn't and I promised myself I wouldn't get that low ever again
I think about it now that heartbreak helped me grow as a person and truly made me realize my worth
I guess you have to go through the lows to enjoy the high.

She made you her priority
all she wanted was your honesty
you could have also shown your loyalty
but you missed the opportunity
now she's gone for good for treating her so ******
the girl just wanted a little consistency
could have been more heartily
boy all you showed was just atrocity
and you thinking it was some sort of comedy?
that girl has no more patience and generosity
at least what you could do is give her an apology
treat her more equally
act more responsibly
show her some harmony
stop showing her hypocrisy
and maybe, possibly
she'll considerably
forgive you for your cruelty
but this time, treat her more like royalty
she'll be yours significantly

I fell for your mentality
just like the way you said my name
full of life & positivity

I wish to be able to read your mind
get to know your every thought
hear about your life long dreams, desires, & darkest secrets

I want is you here right beside me
have your arms embrace me
as you whisper sweet dreams into my ears, so I could get a good night sleep

Because I'd rather have you lying down next to me
instead of me missing you daily

When a wave of sadness, the tides of hopelessness, thunder of my regrets and a loud sound reminding me of my mistakes.
A storm is about to happen and I feel myself getting sea sick.
As always, I hope to survive another hurricane where all my flaws and insecurities collide all at once.

I am sailing through the ocean,  where my destination is finding genuine love and happiness. A place where it may not even exist. I am like a pirate looking for treasure throughout all these years, only to find out that there was no treasure to begin with in the first place.

I sense the disappointment all around me on the sea shore and I swear my tears is as deep as the ocean. And if you ever get to swim through it, you might see my tragic past and sorrows. It remains floating on the ocean waiting for it to wash over me.

What happened to originality?
Why you trying to have somebody else's personality?
Can't you get your own speciality?
Copying.
Stealing.
Don't you feel guilty about doing that?
Just stop it you brat.
Doing that so
Makes you so low
For your true feelings you can't show
Because it isn't your work
And what you're doing is acting like a ****
Taking credits for something you didn't do
It's making you look like a fool and you just have no clue
For you're not really real, but a fake
Taking a poem you didn't even make
What a stupid mistake
Makes my head shake
And my whole body ache
Heartless and mean this may sound
But I hope karma gets you around

I wonder what it is like in outer space
would it be a wonderful place?
does it take all our problems out
or do we have to scream & shout
is it somewhere we can be free
where there's nothing to worry
all these thoughts I cannot fathom
oh what have I become
my curious self is slowing showing
all these facts are always growing
please someone just take me there
to have new memories I can share
outer space is where I belong
I've just realized that all night long
so take me there
to save me from my despair

Ever loved and cared for someone so much?
Isn't it so hauntingly beautiful
How they can make you feel vulnerable
Yet they give you such a delightful feeling at the same time
They slowly open your chest
Which leads them to opening your heart
For them having the advantage of
Messing you up
And ripping your apart
And all your life you build all these walls
Protecting your kingdom, which is your heart
By having all these guards to keep you away from heart break
Then one day
One person
Not any different from any other person in this world
Who you did not ask for to come into your life
Just decides to step in
Wanders through your life
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses
Then they become a part of your daily routine
And you give them a part of you
That you never did to anyone else before
You just hand all these things to them
But they never asked for it
Because they did something insane
Like hold your hand or smile at you
Then this life of yours
Your little kingdom is opened
Welcoming them into your own world
Then this place of your own becomes theirs too
And your life isn't your own
Because loving someone will get inside you
Holding you a prisoner
Enrapturing you in every way possible
Letting you have all these emotions
Making you feel alive
Then leaving you in the darkness
And one day
That special person tells you
"I'm no good for you. We should stay friends"
Shatters you apart like a broken glass
A splinter working its way into your beating heart
And it hurts a **** lot
Not the type of hurt you'll get over it soon type of hurt
But a hurt where it eats you inside
A hurt where it rips every part of you
The kind of hurt where it gets into your brain
Making you go insane
But also the kind of hurt where only that one person can fix
And even after they make you feel this way
You'll do it all over again
Because it's worth it
They are worth it
And that is what it means to love
It is painfully beautiful

My dream was like a blur
It has become something that was out of my reach.
It was like those nights where I cannot remember anything
For I have drowned myself in alcohol that tasted like failure and disappointment.
With the amount of ***** I have consumed
I have damaged my liver
Just like how every friendship and relationship I've ever encountered with.
And all those blunts that I was smoking made me think deeply that my dream was just a silly, foolish dream.
I laughed so hard at the thought of me having a purpose in this life
When everything I touched turned into fire.
And maybe that is why I turned to drugs and alcohol so the only person I'll be damaging is myself.
In that moment I could feel the ambiance of my dream fading and I could feel detachment within my own soul.
It is crying out loud to get out of me
Isn't that such a tragic thing when even your own self is tired of you.

But then a euphoric light happened
This corner inside my mind with such a soft, quiet voice showed me a glimpse of my hopes and dreams that I thought was long gone.
In that little tiny hope and a voice that has calling me for a while, I didn't hear or notice it for the days I was intoxicated and high.
It has made its calling
In that moment I found myself wishful thinking.
Which I haven't done in so long
Ever since I started to believe in myself again,
My dream wasn't so blur and I think that I could reach it within my palm.
I know that I could reach my full potential
This time, this time I know I'm going the right path
I was lost and got off track.
Now I'm going on my own pace and I guess you have to lose yourself to find what it is you want and know that you deserve the best.
I've found my purpose. I am acknowledging my worth and my dream is so bright and clear, ready to burst out of me to share to the world.
I never thought I'd unravel this part of me.
But I am so very glad that I am slowly but surely loving myself more to be the best that I can be.

When you left a part of me was gone, so I looked for it in cigarettes & boys who didn't know my name
2. I still lay on my bed reminiscing the good memories & questioning myself where did I go wrong
3. I thought I saw you from across the field, heart started beating so fast, then I realized it wasn't you, for that boy had wore sneakers that you completed hated
4. I hear the sound of your voice all the time, replaying all the things you've said to me, my favourite one has got to be "I'll never leave" which was the biggest lie
5. I can't speak your name without feeling like I'm choking
6. I shouldn't have mistaken wasps for butterflies.
7. I still feel your embrace linger all over me
8. I crave your touch especially the nights where I feel most lonely
9. I miss you but I'm going to keep pretending that I don't.
10. Wide awake all night, contemplating if I should text you, but then again you'll probably think I'm insane for not moving on
11. I've burned all the pictures & things you've given me, instead I'm entertained of the burning flakes it makes
12. This time I swear I saw you. I knew it was you, because you looked right through me.
13. I think I'm moving on, waking up each day is starting to get easier & every thought of you is just burned into ashes
14. I'll still be there for you, even if you don't want me anymore.
15. I'm begginning to be happy again & got someone new to kiss me good night.

So what that other people chose someone else over you? Remember you are the whole **** sky, you are your own sun to outshine all the bad rainy days you're having. You are the moon and the stars you guide yourself through the dark times. You are the roots that grow into this big beautiful tree, it may take time for you to reach maturity and self love, but once you master this, your mental growth, I swear you could build an entire forest with so much confidence, love and kindness. Don't ever limit yourself in the ocean, you are out of this world and destined for greatness. The galaxies are within you and you are capable with so much more. You are capable of loving, of laughter. So forget about them. Choose yourself, choose you. Make yourself the first choice, prioritize you. It's the best choice. Don't ever hold yourself down on the ground, someone like you with so much potential can do so many amazing things. You do not need other people's approval to know your own worth. So tell yourself "I love me", and I hope one day you truly believe it.

I used to think I was like a starfish
always clinging on to a coral
like how I cling on to people
thinking I always needed them for support

I'd stay near the seashore
waiting for the ocean to take me somewhere new
going on adventures & places to go to
and I thought the Atlantis was the only magical place I could ever go to

But no, I am not just a starfish in the ocean
who seems to be living that easy life
and the sea is not only my limit
because I am way more than that

I am a star
who can get through anything
through night or day
and I remain shining as bright as I can

I've learned to know that there's a whole other world out there for me
the sky is where I belong
venturing through planets & milky way
while I'm accompanied by my friends, the moon & the other stars

While I may be small
but I can make wonders
and hey I'm quite lovely to look at too?
and if you're lucky to come across me, I might be that shooting star

Because I realize I am not like a starfish
for I refuse to drown in an ocean filled with my fears & insecurities
especially to know the fact I can't even swim

I am like the star
a sky filled with wonders & whole kinds of opportunities
I've learned to not limit myself
and I learned to love myself

There may be a billion of other stars out there too
but that doesn't stop me from shining & being who I am
because stars are like people
each & everyone has a story behind them
just like me

So I am like a star
dazzling & bright
and will always be there to guide you
through the night

647.086 kilometres apart
6ix all the way to you
6 days since you left
6 minutes to think everything through
6 seconds to let it all sink in
6 months all it took for me

All the time spent together
Blissful memories
Late night talks
Hours of phone calls
Venturing in the city
Experiencing new things
Our long walks
Getting lost in places
Acting like foreigners
That I'll all miss

You're telling me you'll be back in a year or two
You never asked me to wait for you
I was slightly disappointed
But you wanted me to live life
And didn't want to hold me back
We may be six hundred forty seven and eighty six kilometres apart
In my heart there's no distance
For you'll always stay there
This is not the end
I'll see you again
We didn't say goodbye
We'll see each other another time

This different new kind of feeling
  is really quite appealing
  deep within it wants it to be revealing
  for later I'll have to be dealing

With these thoughts and emotions
  right now my head is like an ocean
  over thinking going back and forth motion
  I'll explode and cause a big destruction

Is this fate?
  and will it be worth the wait?
  thoughts like a foreign language and feelings I can't seem to translate
  but these feelings feels so great
  I'll make my own path and go straight
to you

So I'll take a chance
  with this brand new romance

He told me that we both can still remain as friends,
What he really meant to say was that
We can be those type of strangers that share all these silent memories together & smile at one another, once in a while.

He told me that he would never forget me,
But I knew once he saw her walking through the crowd
I was just some other girl to him
And she was that special girl he'd dream of

He told me that he was no good for me,
I didn't listen to him
So I took a chance on him
But I was left with a broken heart
And I hear his words "I told you so"

He told me he liked me,
Happiness it brought upon me
Giggles & smiles on my face
But his admiration
Had an expiration date

He told me all these things,
And I hold onto every words he say
I kept them locked in my heart
And it shattered me apart
Yet he never seemed to know
How much I cared & adored him
And now I just watch him leave
Loving another
With my heart broken into pieces
I could never hate him though
And I'm left with the broken promises & wrecked expectations & it starts to burn into my lungs
I gasp for air
But the only thing I could utter for help was your name
You weren't there anymore
Leaving me with unfulfilled hopes
And love I could never seem to give to another

It has been six months till I last saw you
Six months till we were breathing the same air
Whenever we were together you somehow always left me breathless
Now that you're gone I feel like I don't even know how to breathe
Even though I've been doing that for the last eighteen years of my life
Whenever I look at the sky it reminds me of you
The stars resembles your eyes
Twinkling and shining
The cotton candy sunsets reminds me whenever you blushed about something I said
And the thing is I will never get tired of seeing the sunset even though I've seen one a million times, just like how I'll never get tired of you
I wanted to tell you this but the other day I went to the beach and I saw the water and the sky touched
For a minute there I felt your presence
I felt you there with me
Us holding hands
Together
I'm not sure where this poem is going but I am hoping it would lead me to you
I hope that for a mere moment we were both looking at the same sky
And I wouldn't feel so alone all the time

According to the world book of record, the strongest person in the world is someone who can lift the heaviest weight.
In my opinion, I think it is someone who wakes up every morning and smiles everyday even though everything else in their lives is in shambles.
I think it is those immigrants who starts up a new life from scratch to be able to provide a future for their family.
It is the soldiers' who leave their love ones behind to protect their country.
It is the people who have lost a loved one, to be able to move on from such a tragic moment in their life.
It is the people who have poverty, who is doing their best to survive and make a living.
It is the people who face racism and judgment, for they have this amazing persona to tolerate ignorant people.
Someone who has mental illness and is looking for ways to be happy.
It is those people have experienced horrific and catastrophic situations such as: bombings, terrorism, natural disasters, genocide, etc.
Their innocence and hope for humanity has been washed away.
The people who face struggle and difficulty everyday of their lives, but manages to stand and look at the world with no fear.
I acknowledge their strength and their courage.
I think that these type of people are the strongest and no book could every list them all.
Through the rough times, you get stronger everyday and that makes you as strong as the person who could life the biggest weight in the world.

I think that the scent of a blunt all over me will always remind me on those late nights and early mornings we spent on the rooftop of a building, you rolling a joint and we're smoking it up until our lungs gave up on us. It will remind me every time people hot box a room and it is filled up with smoke and in those smoke clouds I will forever see you lighting up that blunt and you give me that smile in your face and you offer me some. I might just be hallucinating with the fact that your face is still clear but everything in my surrounding is becoming a blur. Whenever I see a person about to light up with a spliff, my mind wanders off and looks for you even if you aren't there in the very moment. Pretty sure this has become your signature scent because no matter what I end up thinking about you. Some people may not be able to appreciate and cannot withstand of how it smells, but to me it means everything. Cause with the months of hanging out together I've learned to love it and I know whenever I am with you I breathe in the smell of happiness, because with you that is what I truly feel. With all the memories shared and made, I learned to have a liking for this scent and this is how I've also learned how to love you. I got to know that this is how you sometimes coped with problems, how you bonded with friends, and how you spent your free time. Hence to when I smell a blunt it reminds me of home and your sweet embrace, for you are my home and your arms is where I feel most safe. The hours between 1 am to 4 am have never felt so high and amazing and it is truly an amazing feeling. A connection I've never had with anyone before. I smile when I get to smell a blunt because the thought of you brings joy in my life and I hope that I'll never lose my home.

Don't let yourself fall in love with him
When a boy who gives you chills every time he holds you close, shows you his favourite place, don't remember the route on how to get there because when he's gone, you'll only find yourself going back there to get a glimpse of him one more time
Don't listen to his favourite song, for that melody will stay permanent with you wherever you go & the day he leaves you, you won't be able to listen to it without choking
Don't tell him to let go of his bad habits,  for you got your own too
Just because he got this positive mentality about life, doesn't mean he'll be good for you
And just because you two like the same bizarre things, does not make him your soulmate
And when the day comes where he stops putting as much effort like before, don't be expecting so much from him for you'll just be left hanging
Don't watch the stars with him, he'll contaminate it & you won't be able to look at the sky again without swallowing a mouthful of him
Don't let him enraptured you with his lovely compliments, just remember when he's no longer there, that you are beautiful too before he ever came into your life
Just because he promised & tells you that he loves you, doesn't mean he'll stay
Don't let the embrace of his arms be your comfort place, for when he leaves you everywhere you go will just be cold & chilly
Don't let him break your heart, but you're going to let him anyways
And when he does break your heart, you'll feel like you're dying. And it will feel like someone just ripped out your lungs & you won't be able to breathe. But just remember you will find someone better, because you deserve better
You shouldn't have fallen in love with him
-thrcy

In this world we live in
everything is temporary
nothing really last for a lifetime
friends, happiness, problems, love
even our existence
and pretty much everything else in this world
it all ends anyway

We may think it will last for eternity
but eventually friends becomes a stranger once again
happiness turns into pain
problems will go away
love turns into hate
us, we'll rot
and this world we live in
will nothing but be a dead place someday

So  why?

Why do we try so hard for these things?
for it may be taken away from us
*forever

i am so happy
not long ago i hit rock b
                                          o
                   ­                          t
                                                t
             ­                                     o
                          ­                           m
all the odds weren't in my favour
i was on the verge of giving up on e v e r y t h i n g
that i ever worked hard for
i simply did not feel like existing or living
it was like darkness adopted me as her child
and depression was my evil step sister who owns me like i am her possession
i couldn't breathe and there was always this overwhelming feeling in my chest
and of course i couldn't get out of this so easily
darkness and depression are both in the same blood line connected into one
while i am an outsider, a child they took over because of the failure and sadness i have felt
i thought, i really did, that i belonged with them
there was no turning back now, this was it

then someone tapped my back
asked me, "do you mind accompanying me for a while?"
in that moment everything that i ever thought of harming myself was simply adrift and gone
it was like they had saved me from making a very big mistake
they had reminded me there is more to life
that sadness and failure was just a part of life
they didn't have to say it out of their mouth
but to me, it felt like they spoke with their mind
and thank goodness i got the message

later i looked up the sky that day
it was raining heavily
and with that person beside me i think this was a gift from God
my own angel
who had helped me to show and save my own self
they were like the role model for me to acknowledge my own worth
and to love my own self as well

all i know is that life is just life
it sometimes punches you in the stomach
and every time you try to get back up
it punches you over and over again
but this doesn't mean you should give up
there must be a reason why you were given this experience
and in every lesson i know it will make you be stronger
have the knowledge to over come it the next time
so i am happy even throughout the hardships i faced
that i am alive
i am well
i am loved
i am cared for
i am living
i am existing
in this very moment
the worst has occurred
but the best is yet to come
be glad you're still here
better days are coming
i assure you that

The question that comes up often to my mind is,
when will I be good enough?
the answer to this is quite tough
for everyone is always leaving
and the heart aches I'd have to be dealing
sobbing for hours to finally releasing
the agony it's causing

When will I be good enough?
for someone to stay by my side
and somebody I could confide
to wipe away all my tears
from all the tears that I cried
who's got their arms open wide
and embrace me tightly as I sigh

When will I be good enough?
for someone to love me as much as I love them
to take me for who I truly am
face all the mayhem
and stays ups with me until the AM

When will I be good enough?
for a person to accept me from all the things from my past
while they can share my present & future, to have a blast
have memories made that can outlast
reminisce it one day so it can surpass

When will I be good enough?
where my flaws are something that'll make them love me more
where my worst days will be the days they want to stay & listen to know what's wrong
where the happy days would be days we could treasure together
where my mean attitude is not the reason for them to go away
where my dark side isn't just an excuse to leave me astray

When will I be good enough?
for  *you

In life you will get hurt a lot
and that's inevitable
but it is within your own self
of what you do with that pain
will you let it make you bitter
or will you transmute this agony into love & nurture it so that the suffering doesn't happen once again?

But just know that you are stronger than you'll ever realize
the obstacles you go through are lessons in life that needs to be experienced
in able for you to mature & nurture into a person you'll turn to love

Just recognize that positive changes don't just happen overnight
but don't ever let yourself lose hope
stay optimistic & always try to see the silver lining for everything
if you mess up, accept that fact & don't let it happen again
if anyone messes you up, learn to forgive, theirs a weight that will be uplifted from your chest

Trust me, things will get better, eventually
but it won't be perfect & it won't be fixed as how you'd want it to be
so learn to live through the small happiness in life
and smile at the little things

Lastly, take care of yourself
remember that you mean everything to somebody
and you are everything to yourself
and that alone is enough
don't let yourself get trapped in the past
live in the moment & seek into the future
because things are brighter on the other side
filled with surprises & happiness
that will come along your way

You will see that rainbow after the rain
how the stars shine so bright, just like that smile in your face
flowers will grow into your lungs & make a garden filled with hope & new chances
oceans will help sail you through all the hardships in life
that sunrise will remind you a new beginning is coming
and that sunset to tell you that you've made it through the day without giving up & you moved forward

How could such girl like me
Who's future is ahead of her
Feel so much misery already
Pain that will never go away
Who could do a perfect fake smile
Be so broken and torn apart
And feel such self-loathe towards herself
How someone like me
Could ever have thought of killing her own self?
Have such emotional breakdowns all the time
Who just simply hates everyone around her
For vanishing herself would be the only cure
To all her dilemmas in life
Who thinks it's better to end it all
Instead of having anxieties and depression
Killing her softly
Pieces by pieces
Until there's basically nothing left of her
Until she's empty and can't turn to anyone
For it might be too late
But it is already too late
For she is still physically alive
But emotionally dead

I like how you make me laugh
and like the way you smile
I like it when you're around
It's bearable when you're there
And when I see sunsets I think of you
Because it makes me feel some type of way just like how you give me feels
When I look up at the night sky to see the stars it reminds me of that twinkle in your eyes
I can't lie you give me butterflies whenever I see you around
I like the comfortable silences we have & you not minding me not talking most of the time
I like the way you tell stories & hearing everything that you've been through
I just really like it when you're around
Because everything's better and nicer and I feel much safer
I like it when you talk about your favourite things & things you're passionate about
I like the way you gaze at me & I know that I don't have to impress you because you accept me for who I am
I like the moments when we're together & the funny bizarre things we'd do & talk about
I like how you talk about life & how it's all about perspective
I like your mentality & how you put words into a sentimental advice

I don't like it when you aren't there
Because it seems like my world would fall apart & really start to miss you
I don't like the thought of you leaving ever, it just brings a tear to my heart & I know I'll be missing you
I don't like the thought of never speaking to you ever again because life would be a bore without me hearing your voice
I don't like the thought of not seeing you
I don't like it when you're sad because someone amazing as you deserve happiness
I don't like it when you say "I'm no good for you" because you don't get to be the judge of that

These are things I can never seem to utter out of my mouth because I'm scare I'll scare you away & I probably will & it might also sound too cheesy
But that's what I think and every part of it is true
For my feelings are real & I just hope that you know that
I appreciate all the things you've done for me & I just want you to know how much I care

twelve am - those conversations worth staying up start to flow
one am -  another sleepless night, with thoughts featuring you
two am - the demons come out at night to haunt you
three am - i'm starting to miss you again, missing you more than i should
four am - making up scenarios in my head, of things that we could be
five am - time where I hate myself most & sadness starts to kick in
six am - sunrise is coming, heavy eyes, where sleep is awaiting
seven am - another morning with fake smiles & laughter, pretending to be happy
eight am - only looking forward to seeing you
nine am - a real smile comes along with the thought of you
ten am - telling myself to not break down & cry
eleven am - wandering off having daydreams

tick tock tick tock

ten pm - in my bed, ready to sleep
eleven pm - tossing & turning, just like the usual
twelve am - the same routine everyday

There was a boy
willing to give her all the joy
discreetly trying his best to change for her
and make her feel secure
but deep inside he was weak
his feelings he cannot speak
but he did his best
and held her in his chest
he knew that she was out of his league
doing all he can just to keep her intrigue
but the boy had his own predicament
helplessly couldn't give her all the encouragement
for he cannot prevent
instead he went for it and gave her all the reassurement

Through all their laughs
hardships and humiliating moments

The girl
that didn't know she could make that boy twirl
eventually also couldn't resist
wanting to give him her very first kiss
forgetting about her cruel past
and giving him all her trust
for she had evolved into loving him
thinking her chance were very slim
telling him nothing about her feelings
only if she knew that he thought she was so appealing
she is giving him the silent treatment
thinking this a test for some sort of commitment
now she is constantly ignoring his presence
giving him one word sentence

Both are feeling doubt and insecure
saying how they're not so sure
anymore about their feelings for each other
and how they can't ever be lovers

Now they're back to being strangers
thinking they are better off without one another
their paths never converging
for there are just another unrequited lovers

i. He is going to break your heart and you'll try to put the pieces back together but you'll never be back to you were before you met him
ii. When he says "I care about you," don't listen to him.  Months from now you will find yourself falling apart while he embraces another girl & gives her the world, when it was supposed to be you
iii. You will often see him with a bunch of other people & he will be laughing & smiling a lot more than he ever did with you. But you have to learn to not care & just worry about yourself first
iv. You will see him walking alone & when he sees you, he won't say hey as he usually does but instead walk past you like you never existed & you will feel the burning flakes in your lungs. But don't let him get to you
v. There will be other boys who resembles his smile & you think that maybe they could fill the void & make the heartache go away, it won't & will just make it worse
vi. Months will pass by & you can finally tell yourself that you can go on without him
vii. It is still going to hurt & maybe for a long time, baby girl. And you wish that you could go back to who you were before your first heartbreak, but you will thank him for this experience. And one day you'll find someone who will give you the galaxy & share every sunrise & sunsets with you

~Things I wish I knew before you broke my heart ~

Everyday she puts a smile on her face
all for a boy who'll never care
she puts all her effort to impress him
but his attention always seemed somewhere else
she hopes and waits
that he'll look her way
she wishes that it was back to the way before
full of bliss
just the two of them happily
with no other people in the way
for she longs to have those moments back
but for now she just replays those memories in her head
and maybe one day it'll be back to normal again
she misses him so
looks like he has moved on though
forgotten all about her
and acts like she doesn't even exist
it hurts her a whole lot
but she rather be seeing him
than not seeing him at all
because he has become
the air that she breathes everyday
the oxygen that she needs
in order to survive

I keep writing about you
A lot of people say that my poetry is amazing and I have no idea why they say that
And I think it's because they're all about you, because you're ******* wonderful
But what you don't know and what they have no idea is that
I stare at the ceiling for hours
And my hands can't seem to move
Leaving my pen untouched and just having a blank page
Filled with no words about you or about love
Because all I feel is frustration and disappointment
Maybe I write these things but it actually doesn't come close to how I'm really feeling
But if actions could be expressed into words
I would write about how I should have hugged you for hours and convinced you to stay
How your favourite song just came up the radio, reminding me the first you made me listen to it
I would write about me standing outside the rain near the bus stop, thinking and replaying all the things you said to me, as I hide my tears from the rain
Then I realized I never had you
We were never official
I would write about the burning fire from my heart as it start to burn because of how much I miss you
and how the burning flakes have reached my brain at 3 in the morning thinking about how I miss your voice and how I crave your presence
And then I remember being up so late was only that much fun when you were still around, with our deep talks & late phone calls
I wish every ******* day that you were still here
And I don't know how to end this writing because there is no poetic way to say and describe how I feel so empty and that I just want you back
But what I know is that I'll never let go

Quite a number of people have told me that the people I meet in my teenage years, especially in high school will just be temporary people in my life. That I will get attached to them, make bonds, share memories and that I will feel miserable when they walk out of my life. They said "they come and they go."

I didn't think this would actually happen to me in reality, I thought what they had told me just a myth. Some sort of fairy tale that cease to exist. Until I had graduated and realized who I still remained friends with and whom I do not associate myself with anymore.

Some friendships I didn't feel as much of them walking out on me, but there were certain people whom I deeply felt so much agony when they left me with no goodbye, no explanation and no closure what so ever. There were also friendships that I was so relieved that I didn't have to talk and deal with them in my life again.

So to the ones who had caused me pain and left me in the rough times and to I had thought that I would remain friends with for a very long time: you didn't deserve to know important pieces of me. It's your lost for not being to see me grow into this beautiful butterfly who is able to fly and spread her wings that is filled with so much love and joy. Too bad you couldn't see me grow a garden that is made up of all the aspects of me both the good and bad. Because you only saw my flaws and not see my blooming personality, which have charmed a whole new people and they bring out they best in me. You did not deserve to see me paint the sky with my amazing smile, but that is alright cause I've got people now who watch over me and they couldn't be more proud of me. To anyone who feels or felt the same, don't you ever say to yourself they didn't want to keep you around, say you are the greatest piece of art no museum could ever compare and they never got to keep you.

Poems I write
things I say
stories I make
books I read
quotes I quote
lyrics of songs I hum
is just another combination of 26 letters
of ways to make you fall for me

And I hope
that someday
I'll find
the right words
a flawless sequence
to say such
serene, sensual, splendid
delightful, amazing, and intriguing
things to you

For it will blosson a smile in your face
give you goosebumps
echoes in your mind
makes your heart skip a beat
tingles all over your body
to get you thinking through the twilight
until the sunset kicks in
and think of
every sappy
hopeless romantic movies
it will be like a movie you'll watch over and over
your favorite quote
the song that gets stuck in your head for days
poems that make you go awe
stories that makes you want to know more
books that you can't stay from
and these sweet things I'll say
will only be for you