heartbreak is a feeling I don't ever want to feel again.
heartbreak is abandoned, betrayal, uncared for, forgotten, misunderstood,  depression, physically and mentally hurt
all at the same time
it's like someone stabbing your heart multiple times
someone ripping out your lungs and you won't be able to breathe
getting your ribs opened and broken
every part of you won't be able to move
your hands shaking
your legs trembling and forgetting how to walk
your body is numbed
your brain only has thoughts of hopelessness
your heart, your precious and fragile heart
is shattered into pieces that will take a long time to reform to its old self again
heartbreak is a mixture of breakdowns and wanting to sleep for eternity
it's when even in your dreams you find yourself crying
cause the pain is just too real and too much to handle
and when someone is asking you if you're alright, you can't even speak for it seems like he took all your words away from you, even the words "I'm fine" he took that too and you can't lie or hide away your feelings from anyone anymore cause they see right through you
I made myself feel all these emotions for a boy and then the next thing is I got my heartbroken
it all happened so fast and I still don't know how it went downhill
but if I could and trust me I would absolutely trade that heartbreak in a millisecond with no hesitation
after a few weeks I've started to express my feelings to a few people
and of course at that time I still felt so much sadness in me
I remember saying "it's the remembering, the memories, all these little things you know about them will be in your thoughts even if you try so hard to hide them away there will be times where something will remind you of that person..." trying to not to feel the depth of what I said back then, I couldn't and I promised myself I wouldn't get that low ever again
I think about it now that heartbreak helped me grow as a person and truly made me realize my worth
I guess you have to go through the lows to enjoy the high.

It has been six months till I last saw you
Six months till we were breathing the same air
Whenever we were together you somehow always left me breathless
Now that you're gone I feel like I don't even know how to breathe
Even though I've been doing that for the last eighteen years of my life
Whenever I look at the sky it reminds me of you
The stars resembles your eyes
Twinkling and shining
The cotton candy sunsets reminds me whenever you blushed about something I said
And the thing is I will never get tired of seeing the sunset even though I've seen one a million times, just like how I'll never get tired of you
I wanted to tell you this but the other day I went to the beach and I saw the water and the sky touched
For a minute there I felt your presence
I felt you there with me
Us holding hands
Together
I'm not sure where this poem is going but I am hoping it would lead me to you
I hope that for a mere moment we were both looking at the same sky
And I wouldn't feel so alone all the time

If you were a museum you'd be a gallery of new beginnings and hopeful dreams
A masterpiece of an unforgettable smile and dazzling eyes
You're the type of art that will touch people's soul by just looking at you
Some may be puzzled and may not be able to understand you
But there will be people who will appreciate and comprehend what you were trying to paint
You're the kind of art that has your mother's brilliant mind and your father's defined looks
Both a deadly combination
For you are the off spring to carry on your parents' goal
Your words are poetry filled with sincerity and wisdom
Your lovely face and cheerful personality makes people drawn to you
But you are still learning, everyday
Trying to draw out the biggest and most amazing masterpiece there is
You are still trying to find your muse and your inspiration
Little did you know that you are your own muse
That is why your art is pure and raw and real because it comes from within your soul
Your art is spreading love and kindness throughout others
And through years of being painters block or writers block
You've managed to block out the negativity and spread out the positivity
Because if you were a museum your artwork would be filled of a promising future and lively dreams
For you carry the genes of your mom's sadness and recklessness
And your dad's happy attitude and cautiousness
Maybe that's why you've always been reserved and detached which makes you woe
But I hope one day you open your museum that is your heart to share your art to others and let them in so that you could seek happiness and this adventurous side of you that has been hidden all these years
Because you yourself is the most beautiful piece of art work that is yet to be discovered.

In times of trouble and struggle,
I pray to God to send me an angel to watch over me
He did that before I was even born into this world
Before I even asked him to do so
It took me a long time to realize that I was my very own angel
I was the angel who picked up the pieces every time life knocked me over and it was my own wings that I was able to fly and my own two feet to stand up again every single time I stumbled down
My wings are made from the perseverance and the things I've endured
God made me as my own angel because he knew that I was out of this world and destined for greatness
My halo glows and shines brighter each time I go through hardship
That itself makes me a stronger person than ever
God believed that I could guide myself through whenever I got lost
Cause sometimes angels often wander around the world,
Flying through cities and countries
But he always believed angels knew how to make their way back
Sometimes they just have to get lost to be able to learn more of themselves
I believe this to be true because whenever life puts you through a tough time who is the one that heals the wounds? It's you.
For I believe that others can't truly help you, if you aren't making any effort to helping yourself
So if you ever feel like you're failing and everything is falling
apart
And I know there will be times where you think you can't survive another heartache
But you've got wings and you can soar through this pain and yes you will get over this misery
Every time you are ever to spread those wings, it means you are still very much alive and you were able to cope from all of that
With that much confidence in yourself, no demon would ever try to come near you because they know what you are capable of
Don't let the sadness consume you, happiness and smiles is much greater and better
Trust me seeing the smile of angel is truly what God has sent from above

You are an angel for yourself and as well for others, you might not even know it. I know the path isn't always smooth, I know you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember you have a halo to help you see through darkness. Your wings to help you back up. Don't think low of yourself because you are of God's beautiful creations.

Quite a number of people have told me that the people I meet in my teenage years, especially in high school will just be temporary people in my life. That I will get attached to them, make bonds, share memories and that I will feel miserable when they walk out of my life. They said "they come and they go."

I didn't think this would actually happen to me in reality, I thought what they had told me just a myth. Some sort of fairy tale that cease to exist. Until I had graduated and realized who I still remained friends with and whom I do not associate myself with anymore.

Some friendships I didn't feel as much of them walking out on me, but there were certain people whom I deeply felt so much agony when they left me with no goodbye, no explanation and no closure what so ever. There were also friendships that I was so relieved that I didn't have to talk and deal with them in my life again.

So to the ones who had caused me pain and left me in the rough times and to I had thought that I would remain friends with for a very long time: you didn't deserve to know important pieces of me. It's your lost for not being to see me grow into this beautiful butterfly who is able to fly and spread her wings that is filled with so much love and joy. Too bad you couldn't see me grow a garden that is made up of all the aspects of me both the good and bad. Because you only saw my flaws and not see my blooming personality, which have charmed a whole new people and they bring out they best in me. You did not deserve to see me paint the sky with my amazing smile, but that is alright cause I've got people now who watch over me and they couldn't be more proud of me. To anyone who feels or felt the same, don't you ever say to yourself they didn't want to keep you around, say you are the greatest piece of art no museum could ever compare and they never got to keep you.

I think that the scent of a blunt all over me will always remind me on those late nights and early mornings we spent on the rooftop of a building, you rolling a joint and we're smoking it up until our lungs gave up on us. It will remind me every time people hot box a room and it is filled up with smoke and in those smoke clouds I will forever see you lighting up that blunt and you give me that smile in your face and you offer me some. I might just be hallucinating with the fact that your face is still clear but everything in my surrounding is becoming a blur. Whenever I see a person about to light up with a spliff, my mind wanders off and looks for you even if you aren't there in the very moment. Pretty sure this has become your signature scent because no matter what I end up thinking about you. Some people may not be able to appreciate and cannot withstand of how it smells, but to me it means everything. Cause with the months of hanging out together I've learned to love it and I know whenever I am with you I breathe in the smell of happiness, because with you that is what I truly feel. With all the memories shared and made, I learned to have a liking for this scent and this is how I've also learned how to love you. I got to know that this is how you sometimes coped with problems, how you bonded with friends, and how you spent your free time. Hence to when I smell a blunt it reminds me of home and your sweet embrace, for you are my home and your arms is where I feel most safe. The hours between 1 am to 4 am have never felt so high and amazing and it is truly an amazing feeling. A connection I've never had with anyone before. I smile when I get to smell a blunt because the thought of you brings joy in my life and I hope that I'll never lose my home.

For the weeks you aren't feeling yourself, the hours you spend with anxiety, the months that you've been stressing, the years of hating you, the  days you're just out of the blue, here is a reminder to you:

You are a ******* queen doesn't matter who you are, you've built yourself a castle with all the struggles and pain life has thrown at you. Every time the universe hands you heartache you have manage to stand up no matter how much torture it was, you made yourself stronger than ever before. You started like a seed, then growing into roots and every single time anyone has ever misunderstood and underestimated you, you've grown into this big beautiful tree. So I hope you know you can build an entire forest with your self confidence and self love and once you learn to fully love you and be content with your own being, you wouldn't want to be anyone else but yourself. So remember this you are the sunflower in a garden filled with roses and tulips, you aren't just a fish in the sea you are the whole **** sea. You aren't just a star in the sky, you are the whole galaxy. There's more to you than shining bright and looking lovely, you are capable of being both the moon and the sun. For you work so hard day and night. Only you has truly known the battle of facing your demons, you have stood up and saved yourself from that misery and toxic. So next time you ever feel bad for yourself over things and people who do you no good and does not help you with your mental growth, I hope you know you are royalty and you shouldn't ever have to settle for less than you deserve. Your self worth and value is so important, I hope with all my heart that you don't let people walk all over you. Please take time for yourself and get a break from people once in a while, so you could fully appreciate and adapt to loving yourself and your own company.

I hope by the end of this poem you realized that you've got potential to turn into an amazing human being. I wish one day that your self-esteem is as high as the tallest tower in the world and that your journey will be as smooth as the ocean. It will be a long way to be there but it's a trip of a lifetime, with stories about sorrow and happiness. And no one in the world could ever paint, draw, or write everything you have experienced. Your story and your presence is worth than anything.