I keep writing about you
A lot of people say that my poetry is amazing and I have no idea why they say that
And I think it's because they're all about you, because you're ******* wonderful
But what you don't know and what they have no idea is that
I stare at the ceiling for hours
And my hands can't seem to move
Leaving my pen untouched and just having a blank page
Filled with no words about you or about love
Because all I feel is frustration and disappointment
Maybe I write these things but it actually doesn't come close to how I'm really feeling
But if actions could be expressed into words
I would write about how I should have hugged you for hours and convinced you to stay
How your favourite song just came up the radio, reminding me the first you made me listen to it
I would write about me standing outside the rain near the bus stop, thinking and replaying all the things you said to me, as I hide my tears from the rain
Then I realized I never had you
We were never official
I would write about the burning fire from my heart as it start to burn because of how much I miss you
and how the burning flakes have reached my brain at 3 in the morning thinking about how I miss your voice and how I crave your presence
And then I remember being up so late was only that much fun when you were still around, with our deep talks & late phone calls
I wish every ******* day that you were still here
And I don't know how to end this writing because there is no poetic way to say and describe how I feel so empty and that I just want you back
But what I know is that I'll never let go

twelve am - those conversations worth staying up start to flow
one am -  another sleepless night, with thoughts featuring you
two am - the demons come out at night to haunt you
three am - i'm starting to miss you again, missing you more than i should
four am - making up scenarios in my head, of things that we could be
five am - time where I hate myself most & sadness starts to kick in
six am - sunrise is coming, heavy eyes, where sleep is awaiting
seven am - another morning with fake smiles & laughter, pretending to be happy
eight am - only looking forward to seeing you
nine am - a real smile comes along with the thought of you
ten am - telling myself to not break down & cry
eleven am - wandering off having daydreams

tick tock tick tock

ten pm - in my bed, ready to sleep
eleven pm - tossing & turning, just like the usual
twelve am - the same routine everyday

All I want is to make you happy
Turning all your tears & sadness into shooting stars & galaxies
And the times you'll feel like you're drowning, I'll risk my life & pull you back to shore, despite the fact that I can't swim
And when you feel like darkness has took over you, I'll be the moonlight that guides you through
I'll be the sunrise to help you get up & remind you a new day is coming
To make you look forward for the sunset, to see how lovely it is just like you

I'll do these all for you because you are my sun on which my world gravitates to
You're my whole night sky & the whole reason why I'm twinkling all the time because of how much you make me happy
You're that sunflower that makes my day a whole light brighter
You're my whole **** ocean, the deeper you swim is knowing how much I adore you
You're that beautiful rainbow I always look forward to see after the bad rainy days I'm having
And you are that shooting star that only comes once in a life time, because I was blessed you came into my life & that is a wish I'd never regret wishing

But all these things just weren't enough
Because it seems it were all the reason to make you leave
For you have found someone who's presence you can't describe in any of the alphabet
Someone who's voice reminds you of the peaceful serene sound the ocean makes
A girl who gives you tingles all over your body, while I was the wasps you have mistaken for butterflies
Someone who's got you thinking of metaphors about love and got you singing all these love songs

So now here I am a hurricane mess
A tornado of destruction
The girl who used to have stars in her lungs, but I've burned them with all the cigarettes I was smoking
And those flowers that were growing in the bottom of stomach are long gone, because you can't water flowers with *****
For I had the sky in my brain, but I've been shattered apart the day you said you were leaving & now it's just a stormy weather up there
And I had the ocean in my eyelids to show you that we could sail together through this cruel world, but now I'm just left crying a river for you
That taste of fresh picked strawberries in my lips, now tastes like broken promises & wrecked expectations
And my hands that used to fit with yours, are just plain empty just like every **** part of me
All the beautiful things that were in my life are gone in that instance just like how you left just like that

I like how you make me laugh
and like the way you smile
I like it when you're around
It's bearable when you're there
And when I see sunsets I think of you
Because it makes me feel some type of way just like how you give me feels
When I look up at the night sky to see the stars it reminds me of that twinkle in your eyes
I can't lie you give me butterflies whenever I see you around
I like the comfortable silences we have & you not minding me not talking most of the time
I like the way you tell stories & hearing everything that you've been through
I just really like it when you're around
Because everything's better and nicer and I feel much safer
I like it when you talk about your favourite things & things you're passionate about
I like the way you gaze at me & I know that I don't have to impress you because you accept me for who I am
I like the moments when we're together & the funny bizarre things we'd do & talk about
I like how you talk about life & how it's all about perspective
I like your mentality & how you put words into a sentimental advice

I don't like it when you aren't there
Because it seems like my world would fall apart & really start to miss you
I don't like the thought of you leaving ever, it just brings a tear to my heart & I know I'll be missing you
I don't like the thought of never speaking to you ever again because life would be a bore without me hearing your voice
I don't like the thought of not seeing you
I don't like it when you're sad because someone amazing as you deserve happiness
I don't like it when you say "I'm no good for you" because you don't get to be the judge of that

These are things I can never seem to utter out of my mouth because I'm scare I'll scare you away & I probably will & it might also sound too cheesy
But that's what I think and every part of it is true
For my feelings are real & I just hope that you know that
I appreciate all the things you've done for me & I just want you to know how much I care

I stare at the moon & the stars
Wondering if you are too
But then I say to myself
You're probably out with someone new
A girl who's got the scent
Of cherry blossoms
And tastes like fresh picked berries

So you're probably gonna distract yourself & try to get the thought of me out of your mind
Trying to concentrate on her but the twinkle in her eyes reminds you of me & so you rush out the door, slap yourself & bang your head on the wall & spit out the words you could never say to me & while you immerse yourself in things I shouldn't even bother to care about I'm here looking at the moon & the stars telling them how much I miss you

And if you do take her out to your favourite place just like you did to me, the moonlight & twinkle of the stars will follow you throughout the night & you'll look over the sky remembering the first time you took me there too, how we shared secrets & stories, & how I almost told you that you were my night sky

So I wish that the light catches your attention instead of her & you'll remember that daisies were my favourite flowers & that you can't get your eyes off the moon

But isn't it funny how empty I am right now because I swear months ago I had the whole galaxy within me  and now I've cried a **** ocean in my body & now I'm drowning
And that volcano inside my chest corrupted when you told me you were leaving and the lavas have
bursted throughout my whole veins
And I had the whole planet within the back of my hand to guide & show you the world
But all that is nothing now because you left & you're never coming back and I'm here a big mess of stormy weather who's gloomy all the time, waiting for a rainbow to come along & see the bright side of things again

Don't fall in love with that somebody
He'll take you to parks, coffee shops, & to the ocean shore
He'll kiss you & lift you up with an embrace
At the most unexpected time in the most beautiful places
So you can never go back to those places without tasting a mouthful of him
He'll wreck you in the most lovely way possible
& now you'll know why storms were named after people

When you left a part of me was gone, so I looked for it in cigarettes & boys who didn't know my name
2. I still lay on my bed reminiscing the good memories & questioning myself where did I go wrong
3. I thought I saw you from across the field, heart started beating so fast, then I realized it wasn't you, for that boy had wore sneakers that you completed hated
4. I hear the sound of your voice all the time, replaying all the things you've said to me, my favourite one has got to be "I'll never leave" which was the biggest lie
5. I can't speak your name without feeling like I'm choking
6. I shouldn't have mistaken wasps for butterflies.
7. I still feel your embrace linger all over me
8. I crave your touch especially the nights where I feel most lonely
9. I miss you but I'm going to keep pretending that I don't.
10. Wide awake all night, contemplating if I should text you, but then again you'll probably think I'm insane for not moving on
11. I've burned all the pictures & things you've given me, instead I'm entertained of the burning flakes it makes
12. This time I swear I saw you. I knew it was you, because you looked right through me.
13. I think I'm moving on, waking up each day is starting to get easier & every thought of you is just burned into ashes
14. I'll still be there for you, even if you don't want me anymore.
15. I'm begginning to be happy again & got someone new to kiss me good night.