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Madison Jan 2019
Try sitting in a dark corner, trapped in a cage underwater,
but the only thing that is actually drowning you are your own thoughts.
That feeling has consumed me time after time.
I took a pair of scissors to my own **** leg, just to feel something because I'm so lost in my trickling thoughts; I drowned.
I've been at war with myself, and now at a cease-fire. But the war pushed on a year of using the wrong weapon, fighting until I picked up the rifle that said it doesn't last forever and I didn't have to pull the trigger.
I sat silently in the corner, fighting myself. A tale as old as time. I keep living; I haven't touched the wrong weapon since, I'm alive and I use these words to breathe, breath through life, and push.
I'm not the end.
Madison Nov 2018
I need to get back, back to yesterday, back to before, back to when I remember.
When I remember what it was like to feel calm,
Even when my mind was filled with overloading memories.
I need to go back to when a smile felt real and wasn't an expectation.
Back to when I look at the world for new opportunities, not for the ensuing disappointment that is bound to happen.
I need to remember, when loving myself wasn't a chore and an impossible task, but a hobby because it is so easy to do.
I need to remember that there is always light at the end of the tunnel,
And I need to go back to the day I would take a step forward without going two steps back right after.
I need to remember my smile is pure and my will is strong.
One day, will I remember?

— The End —