The pain is having *** with someone, yet again,
who is not interested in anything more.
The suffering is pretending that it doesn't bother me.

"Mom, why do you put that hot sauce on everything"?

"Because I like the flavor that it gives to most of my food."
"Do you want to try a little bit"?

"Ok."

(spit) " yukkk, it's too spicy and hot!"

"I know" (laughing)

"Do we have any cold sauce"?

Does anyone really like it at the top?
For one, it's too high.
It gets too much sun.
And there is always a chance of mutiny.
Ill settle for some shade.
I can't be last though.

Dark times
Coming around again.
Wet face
The only way to sleep again.
My heart has traveled in
Dark waters
Coming up for air,
Nothing but rain again.
Afraid of the silence
Lonliness back again.
This never ending road.
Aching soles again
Taking shots
Shooting pains through me
Bullet proofing
Vest wearing days again
On my knees ,
calling out
Time to repent again
Throwing rocks and
Ruptured housing
Glass in pieces again
Soaked up the gin
Im so so lost again
Trying to get out of it
Too late
Sinning again.

"Your emerald eye is much like mine",
I said to her one Sunday in May.
Her pout performed a perfect kiss
to ask,
"when did your life begin?"
As I burned my eyes
into her lips,
I replied,
"Just today"
Seeing her looking at me
with that naked smirk
I knew I had not been born
until just then.
I walked around her body,
smelling her ****** scent.
A memory emerged
from 1980,
when I'd swing from our tree
in a black hole.
Her presence,
so deliberate,
so calculating.
Her voice,
so inviting,
so commanding.
Too familiar to me,
I demanded her name,
in passing.
After asking,
she walked into me,
and I immediately,
witnessed her air.
I knew right there.
For I am her,
and she is I.
Ode to my Gemini.

One thousand years of trees will be standing
And my love for you
It will always go timber
In December,
your limbs kept me warm after dark
I remember,
A light shined so bright
We sparked.
My bearded man,
We flew, at best,
and into history went the rest
Unless, Even if,
One million years of trees stood standing limber
My love for you,
it would always go timber.

After the cold war,
you pressed your fingertips
on my back to get warm.
With respect to those tender moments,
I couldn't be some casualty.
I refused to be.
I'd rather die on the battlefield.

Too many things that can't be explained.
It can fill a room up with questions.
My suggestion,
it's unexplained and out of body.
Like matter in confined space,
and human spieces.
But what matters is we find peace,
and as a matter of thesis,
how do we pick up the pieces?

A desired lip will always say what it wants.
It feasts on personal gain, caring little for the needy.
Nor does it care to have mercy on an aching heart.
The wanted only seem to hold dear to them
their own interests, while
some of our most precious moments are ripped out from under us, and
it triggers an unequivocal effect of some kind.
A great consequence.
All the while thinking of what we've become.
But the answer never satisfies us,
so we just continue being ghosts in our own bodies.
We don't dare express our mood of circumstances,
in fear of being banished into solitude.
And to eternity we continue to carry on in someone else's solipsism.

Old ***** popping out,
watching young girls walk like ******.
wish I could say more.

I hold my breath in your presence.
Remembering your smell,
when you come around,
it's like a bullet to my insides.
That trigger so lightly pulled,
could have been meant for my heart.
Thanks to you,
I am forced to wear a vest on days like these.

I think I'm floating on a bed of stars
Casually being carried off to Mars
But at least it's not to Jupiter
Where I would become more stupider.
As if the ladder could be true though
I might just disappear like Pluto

Waiting around with this frown
it's a drag ,all the days
all this lag.
Marry me already
precious rings and a *******
desperate needs to **** the lingering
slow to ask, quick to answer
asphyxiating like a cancer.
My womb is aching
in vain, a child forsaking.
Fast forward,
two sons brought light
and their sons faces
were seen in hindsight.
But life has hurried me
I need more time
Time to wait a while
with this smile.
It's no drag, all these days
give me lag.
Bury me already.
My time is up.
Your time to prosper.

He is betrothed to her.
He does not die,
but merely waits in her shadow.
She does not know it is him who gives her light.
Never to touch or see him.
One look,
and all is condemned for eternity.
He cries for her in passing,
dying for their eclipse.

A birds singing only sounds so sweet on a Sunday morning.
It's a pleasant alarm to wake up in your arms.
The sun peeking through a blanketed face.
I'm here to spoil your breakfast.
Together we exist.
Bound at the wrist.
For your piece of chocolate you can't resist.
Except I really do melt in your hands.

On this cold floor,
I am nothing but your interpretation.
In this bed,
I am but a canvas for you to work on.
I am not amused by this,
but a muse by nature.
A force of art.
A possible goddess if you allow it.

On this Cold morning,
you are nothing but my interpretation.
In this bed,
you are but a means to keep me warm.
You are not amused by me,
but confused by nature.
A body for me to lay on.
A possible future if I allow it.

But today,
On this cold floor,
I am everything.
Everything but obscure.

I think I'm still in love with you.
I know this because,
like that stupid saying, I let you go.
I let you fly from my grip.
And although you've come back to me,
you're so different now.
Same tone, different smile.
It's just a new day, different style.
The problem is that you don't infect me anymore.
Your words, they dont affect people like before.
I blame you.
You let me stay gone for so long.
But life got in the way, you see.
I often remember our first time together.
I was only 14...
To make a long story short,
it was statutory for sure.
I'm hoping there will be fewer days like this.
Waiting around for our time to resurface.

I respect your flow.
Truth. Do me a favor though.
Make peace. Bring rainbows.

I realize I've cheated you many moons ago.
You've come for me before with your pungent smell.
I've watched you size me up,
while you watched me stare you down.
Our eyes met one time in passing,
but I showed my back to you.
How rude of me.
I know.
I remember your urgency last summer.
You seemed so pleased when that wave took me.
But i slipped from your icy gripped fingers.
And i know that was you hovering,
lurking over my lifeless body,
after giving life that November.
I showed you up.
You're so persistent.
I almost envy your work ethic. Almost.
And here we are again, just you and I.
With your misery, stinking up the place.
And that decrepit smug look, as if Beelzebub has sent you.
But, it gives me great satisfaction to tell you.
You have truly come too late.
You see, my neck reveals this mark,
someone else has claimed my demise.
For I have been blessed with eternal life.
It is I who has been seeking you, only to say.
Go **** yourself Death.
I have cheated you once again.

Some memories i never write about, means they didn't happen.

And I'm just trying


               to make sense


                                   of it all.

Speaking of Roman Gods,
that love drunk Cupid,
Feel nothing for his lonely soul,
Slaying his victims,
condemning their hearts,
to enternity's unfortunate hole.


A mischievous plan.
Deciding one's  fate
that love drunk Cupid,
I have become to hate.

He is no saint, no angel from above,
it was Cupid who deprived me
from the one I could have loved.

So the next time you're feeling,
"Oh No!Who is Cupid's boo?"
Feel not for his lonely soul
That arrow shooting,
half naked,
love drunken fool.

It's about time someone sees me.
In my  poor sullen  efforts to give up,
you saw my broken wings.
You said they glowed in the night.
I had dreams of being chosen.
Chosen to fly to you.
Finally ,
a being worth more than lust.
Only he recognizes the purpose
of my creation.
It was so magical,
the way our true selves transformed
into one light.
Shining simultaneously.
It is to keep us lit
through dark times. In a whisper,
they will come.
I felt it just then my love.
It sang a melody far greater
than any love song.
It was real.
It's about time someone needs me.
Finally,
feelings of my heart lifted.
Any higher,
it would burn next to the sun.
But, what is pain,
if I'm with you.

I dreamt of black birds flying over me.
In this perfect V shaped formation,
I flew with them.
It was not just any day.
It was a day when flying meant you were something, a Phoenix.
My fortune reminded me of prosperity,
but why did  I feel such sorrow?
It was then that I was truly naked,
so I let their wings beat a symphony
on my untainted skin.
We flew over black murky waters,
where I saw the faces of my enemies lurking.
Their repugnant stares covered me in ash,
as if I could not be more black,
I was desperate to awaken.
But, I  couldn't.
I will never be free,
but I will forever be alive in dreams
with black birds.

I feel exotic when I'm with you.
A rare thing.
The contrast of my skin on yours.
Your sweat seeping into my pores.
The differences in culture.
People whispering about us.
Sitting with me at the back of the bus.
The passionate *** that feels so wrong.
Stretching and moaning.
Strokes become long.
How deep will you go?
A shroom penetrates
A yelp turned to whimpers
Our bodies turn desolate.
We will never be accepted.
We will always be rejected.
So put on your fine suit,
and kiss your forbidden fruit
Good bye.

Constantly falling
There is no end
spiraling down begs to be crawling
Blackened knees
There is no end
There is only this black hole

Pull me out or let me go
Be the hero
Tomorrow ill give you my soul
Until then,
There is no end
There is only my dark hole

I have a friend named Gary, and he has been feeling a bit low during the holiday season, so i wrote a song/poem for him hoping it will cheer him up.  In my best voice, i will sing this to him at our friendsgiving.

Garyyyy
Would you like to maryyyy?
An ordinaryy.
And somewhat hairyyy!
Please will you tell mee!
Ohhhhh Garyyy.
Will you pop my cranberryyy?
Just don't be scaryy.
But i love you barelyyy.
So let's just be merryy.
And drink lots of dairyy.
On the contraryyy.
Lets just be marriieedd!
I love you Garyyy.
No, not you Larryyy.
My good friend Garryy.

Alas, ridding,
every nasty thought,
inside.

Leaving everything
zestful, especially roses,
on precious hills,
yodeling loudly.

You who sleeps have forsaken me.
When your sacred bodies drift into R.E.M,
I am protector of the night.
When malignant sorcerers
come for your souls,
I am dragging their wretched shadows back to the underworld.
Honor me for I am truly divine.

You who slumbers have forgotten me.
Fear not my deathly stare.
My eyes are the navigators into the murky darkness,
where no man will ever see it's depths, and
when we cross paths,
salute me in your dreams.
It is then that you will truly recognize a wizard in disguise.

You who hibernates before morning will hear my calling.
Let it serenade you,
so that I may continue to speak in the language of trees and moon.
So that I may continue to fly effortlessly to the east,
assuring the sun will rise for you again.
You who is oblivion shall not wake.
And when you do,
respect me by cherishing the light,
for I am protector of the night.

Almost one o'clock,

                      Insomnia doesn't rock

                         Tickety- toc- doc

As I sat down to write something,
the doorbell rang.
It was a partial ring.
As if not fully pushed is what I mean.

My eyes averted left,
where I saw a boy run.
Green shirt,
very fast, dark like me.
Not lucky for him,
I had just cleaned my windows.

Inside I laughed. My face showed it.
Refusing to run after.
He's a kid.
I'm old.
And I wasn't properly dressed.
So inappropriate.
Oh yes!
That's why I didn't retrieve him just then.

I did catch up to him moments later.
He was so shaken.
To be brief, the boy left
in laughter.
I was not mad with him.
I was puzzled.
Sat thinking, I thought doorbell ditching was a thing of the past.
I was almost honored.
I will probably never see him again.

Don't let me go,
because I will not fly back to you.
When it's over,
I'm done, fenito,no mas .
Keep pushing,
and that self fulfilling prophecy
will ring loud and true in your ears.

There I was,
smiling with out you,
breathing regular,
a good size,
in my eyes.
I was effortlessly exuding
my freedom,
with my two close friends,
Will and Power.

Not even the next hour,
there you were,
poisoning my flow,
with words,
I didn't think you would even know.

What a good hook,
that must have been,
because if you look,
I am back in your nook.
Back in the  position.
Back in your lap,
turning back the pages,
to this dramatic book.

If only I didn't have these memories.

Come on! You can do it!
Be what they want young man.
You must learn to topple over heads
in your best boots.
Sell parts of you each time
but who cares, you're the best at this.
Dignity will grow back.
You can't be some ordinary nobody.
Think of never a fair day,
you have to be that.
You'll smile a lot and mask it all.
But it's fine because, you truly are happy.
You're happy.
There are no rules,
so you can cheat to get things, to get ahead.
For survival, a head is just what you climb on.
A mere platform for success.
Be happy for yourself.
You deserve it.

If only the vivid images would translate so well
to paper as they do in my dreams,
then maybe one day,
I could paint it for you.
Maybe someday we could both relate better.
If only your scriptured words could lure me into submission,
as they do in your dreams,
then possibly you could sing a song from it.
And hopefully we can dance a little more.
Like before.

It can be a beautiful thing.
If only the lonely could see.
You are invisible, but it's clear to us,
so soon forgotten, yet we remember
how much tomorrow needs you.
You could be someone's true beauty,
If only we loved things truly.
It won't always cast it's grin upon us,
and OH! how the mind gets cloudy.
But we will never revolt from your smile.
A smile that relinquishes energy to the sun,
giving it a brand new light,
and so many benefit from it.
You're much like an exotic bumblebee.
If only my T could see.
Infecting us with your queen like disposition,
so coy,
with no wonder of how we replenish from your deed.
If only the lonely could see.
You are a beautiful thing.

I don't really care that you're not my man.
I still have symptoms from the loss of us holding hands.
I think how this could have been
and would I do it the same or over again.
You're only allowed one love in this life time.
In my next life, ill make it right
Ill come back four years later and less of a hater.
Ill still make him say "**** I want to date her."
Until then, please understand
you're still above most,
and I'm still your biggest fan.

You're too worried.
Just let things be.
Life is so hurried.
Just wait and you'll see.

My eyes are quite focused.
Although things have tunneled.
My daydreams on lotus.
And songs sounding funneled.

So stop worrying sweetheart.
Let life be.
Stay singing in color.
Stay dreaming of me.

Nothing special
Just letters to words
and words to fragments
or sometimes phrases that don't make sense.
Just your average short story that changes every time you read it.
You keep it close to you because you need it.

Really, nothing special,
just bold statements and brave thoughts
old people with blood clots
versus young kids who hold rocks
Like slow dancing on your good foot
or making memories like these.
Soft whispers in your good ear makes loud noises sound great
or maybe loud whispers that sound great make soft noises a mistake?

I don't know, but...
Still just your average
and it's everything you want to hear.
And in this poem is everywhere you want to be.
It's actually everywhere you need be.

And still your regular ole' poem
with hidden meanings and subliminal text
Predictable stanzas of what comes next.
yet again, nothing special

6'
Brown eyes
deep voice
Killer smile
A genius
Big hands
ambition
*** in the morning
flirts in the day
blowing at midnight
repeat the previous three
for days
sexting for fun
dating
loving you
hating me
making up
bonuses
ripped *******
being still
sweating on me
sweaters on you
begging
WRITING
starting over
wasted paper
dried ink
mental blocks
using you
one more line
one more sip
One more time
just right
for me

I'm drowning.
Air needs me.
At lease someone needs me.
There's no one around to save me,
ever.
Not you, not them,
just misery by my side.
A few more seconds,
and it's over.
No more kicking, splashing,
or muffled screams,
just black filled lungs.
Food for the fish,
as the ocean and I become one.
Maybe it's not so bad.
Being led by the moon.
Digressing by nature.
Ascending!
Only to crash again.

Leave all of your belongings,
your crisped cut jewelry,
there is no Tom Foolery
in the end.

Those hand bags too.
Your four inch shoe
Not a single thing to do
in the end.

Why dress her like that?
Her hair in those plats,
as a matter of fact,
what does it matter
if she's wearing a trend
in the end.

If the end is near
then today is worth trying.
If it's tomorrow you fear,
the carry on dying.

You must leave all belongings
Your clips of green
and trophy rings
the sound of how your loved one sings
No heir loom blanket
no sugar to lend
just you and that box.

The end

Just focus on the word.
It's been said to you.
So you've already used the sense of hearing.
Maybe it's been read to you.
When you see it, love connects to the brain,
using an abundance of senses now.
You visualize love.
I'm talking to you there.
Don't forget to write Love down.
Study its form.
Express it, put it into action.
You'll remember it better that way.

Im not capable of drinking
while walking,
or reading while in motion.

But I can write a sonnet ,
ode to you,
with my eyes closed,
left handed.
I can fall deep in love
with you repeatedly,
on a day when the world is crashing,
and my heart is outside of itself,
begging to beat again.

Its impossible for me,
to move my body with no rhythm.
And forget about staying inside the lines when I color.

But I can describe the lines of your face to a blind sketch artist for fun.
I can play back in song the sound the phone makes when I dial your number,
because its the only one I know.

I can't do many things,
you see.
But I can paint this page in love letters and cross my fingers,
hoping you'll read it.

As I walked to you,
your high green limbs moved with me.
Your path covered in old dream leaves,
so the crackle of my foot steps reveal my presence.


Your aroma gave off a slightly herbaceous scent,
with elegant woods and hints of citrusy amber.
That musk was so nostalgic,
it reminded me of past dreams,
when we would lay together and,
I would roll in your pine sipping on whiskey and mesquite.

After breathing you out, a rush of fresh air penetrated my lungs,
forcing me to become aware of the life that surrounds me.
Commanding attention from all of my senses,
humbling me into a seduction.

Each time it seems your path is further and further,
stranding me in your remote timbers,
so that I may live off of you,
forever in my dreams.
Never-ending it seems,
forest of mine,
until next time, be well.

I never go backwards.
I mean really,
how many times can two people say goodbye?

As if I couldn't be more envious of your perfect sky.
Or how your eyes align with remnants of the sun.
And not just any sun,
On Sundays when that golden dusk comes so late.
The last hour of night looks like fire works
crashing at the end of the ocean.
Intolerant of your reddish warm scent,
set to cause any blood ******* thing
to parish in his love for you.
It truly causes my begrudgingly mind to ponder.
It is no wonder that I am jaundiced
by your ability to capture mans heart
in your florescent sap.
Oh Amber,
Free me from my jealous behavior.
Deem me not zealous,
but in favor of your yellowish center
fixed in oldeander,
my sweet, sweet amber.

I knew I was commander of the high seas.
If you cast me a fib,
I'll invite you to ******* tears.

I'll give you my best reflections before dawn.
It seems,
I am not capable of mirroring my feelings
in the presence of the sun.
I can not compete. Only when the day is done.
My true self flies with the great owls.
It lies with howling beasts and crawling things.
It is where I make my own stars,
because black skies deserve more than just
living in the shadows of a starry night.
There are games to be played like, I spy a crescent.
Although my first genuine breath was at day break,
I will always be a product of the night.