I had a dream that I was bathing a fox covered in mud in an old antique tub.
The kind with eagle claws for feet.
When I was done I opened a window and set him down in the branches of a tree
and he took off through them, jumping from branch to branch and never looking back.
I was running with purpose down a beach.
Three others were with me.
We almost ran right into the trap they had set for us
but I saw their trick and turned us around
before the other wolves noticed us.
At least I hoped.
I walked into the Pearl Girls shop with all her homespun dresses and jewels from the ocean
The shop down the stairwell was stealing her ideas
but she couldn't leave to investigate.
She can never leave because he never comes to watch her most precious of things.
If only I knew how to make her happy.
I climb into a pink carriage pulled by a white horse.
I'm following a man all in black, in a black carriage, pulled by a black horse.
His top hat shadows his face. All I can see is his grimace.
He's hunting the wolves. My wolves.
I'll cut his throat open and let him bleed all over my white dress before I let him do that.
I must follow carefully and keep up the appearance of innocence
lure him in with my naivety. Make myself seem like easy prey,
to get close enough to sink my fangs into his throat.
I'll die before I let him hurt my brothers.
Strange, strange dreams. That's where it ends. any more and I'd be making it up.
I've been wondering.
When did i become so cynical?
I used to be the definition of an optimist.
I don't want to lose it
But it's hard to maintain
Such a sunny disposition
When most people just want rain.
I mean really?
What's the point?
I feel like I've explored every in
Every and any explanation
I could get my mind around
When the truth of it is
Your life *****.
Therefore my life must also ****
And if it doesn't
You'll see to it that,
While you're around,
Or could it be
That because I'm part of the lower lower class
I'm somehow subhuman?
Because I make you fat food
For your FAT FACE
I'm lesser than you?
I'm trying so hard
To not turn out like you.
But, to be honest,
You people are wearing me thin.
I'm not sure how much I can take
Before I rip apart
And blow away with the wind.
Don't take it personal. Or take it personal. I don't care.
I dismantled my wardrobe
Now it sits naked like me
Hangers rattle in a draft
Like bones strung up in a tree.
Blood shot eyes
One holy brain
I am the eminent sage ******
oh, high school...
You gave me hope.
You showed me magic.
You helped me believe
in fairy tales, mermaids, and dreams.
At the same time
you gave me
an unrealistic idea
of what True Love is supposed to be.
You showed me misery,
pain, loss, suffrage, Death.
Even the resurrection of a princess.
I got the best kind of reality check
when we lost Her
and knew we'd never get her back.
You gave me innocence.
Then prepared me for the day
when it'd be taken away.
So I wasn’t surprised by it.
So I'd hit the ground running.
Running towards that
Hopefully somewhat Happily Ever After
and Far Far Away
from that Once upon a time...
Yours is the art
of subtle, sensitive, desensitization.
And I'm thankful for it.
Thankful I got
the subliminal message.
“Innocence doesn’t last forever kid.
Life is full of pain
and dark, foreboding woods.
Happiness can never be eternal.
It would lose it's meaning
and the light at the end of the tunnel
would just fade into the tunnel”
Oh Jim Beam, soothe this aching mind into a seamless, dreamless sleep.
Just for one night grant me a sense of relief.
Help me sink.
My sorrow knows she belongs at the bottom of a lake.
So help her drown.
Help her find that which she seeks.
The soft thud of her body hitting the lake bed
her hair gently floating around her face
twisting up like tangled reefs.
Softly brushing her cheek.
Lay heavy on her eyes Jim.
So that she can't see the Sun breaking through the surface.
Help me put this insane beautiful beast to rest.
Before she consumes all of my head
trying to fill that empty hole in her chest.
An ode of sorts to depression before blacking out. Not the best solution to the problem, I admit, but 5 hours of sleep in two days just wasn't cuttin the cloth.
The Autumn rain
Drenches the Earth
the leaves of trees
continue to burn...
While all around me
Gray falls cold and heavy.
My ego is weighted down
by the atmosphere around me.
the same consistency of fog
I grow lighter.
The rain falls through the gray world
like liquid diamonds
or Gods heavenly pearls...
I look down at my ego
mixing with the puddles of the ground
reflecting the fire
in the autumn trees.
Burning as rain falls
Cold and heavy and clean
All around and on everything.
As I stand ghost like in the street
I see beauty
in the saddened faces of those around me
Their egos too
Are being drowned
by the cold and heavy
They cling to their bodies
like hungry kittens
climbing up your pant leg.
They don’t hear me when I whisper
If only they could catch
In a puddle
and see the leaves of trees
See themselves burning beautifully
As cold, heavy, clean
falls all around.
And the trees
Another poem on seasonal depression. Which has always thrown me off because winter is my favorite season! It's when I'm the most me.