through my eyes
you are black ink
on white paper

everyone else is
white ink
on white paper

i'm so very
very
tired
in which way
or of what
is for you to
guess

am i able to
love myself
and hate myself
at the same time?

when i tell people my age
that i have a depression
a lot of them tell me to
try and smoke
something a bit stronger
so i smoked joints
two days in a row
and the terrifying thing was
that i felt good

i feel so bad
and i don't know how to change it
i write
i say i'm sorry
i'm sorry for dissapointing you
please forgive me
please dont hate me
i can't continue this

i'm not gonna end my own life
but i'm thinking about it
i would never do so
putting that kind of weight on another soul
is a cruel act
that i could never do

i've dissapointed the people
that care about me the most
i've let them down
after all they've done for me
and now
i feel lost
out of breath
as if the earth has swallowed me
and trapped me in darkness