In the summer
I stretch out on the shore
And think of you
Had I told the sea
What I felt for you,
It would have left its shores,
Its shells,
Its fish,
And followed me

The piece of paper in my hand
meant everything to me;
The end of twenty years of "bliss",
the ultimate decree.
Strange, I thought,
how tears now flow
to fill a void
that no one
could foresee.

You used to trace your finger
up my spine.
Across my jawbone.

Dancing across my lips,
lightly down my cheeks.

You would trace the line of my collarbone
and into the hollow at the base of my neck.

You would lay your head
against my chest.
Listen to my heartbeat.

Now, you walk into the room
and I can't even look
into the eyes I once got lost in.

I was so full of love and trust.
But you walk into a room now
And all I feel

Is a winter's chill
so cold
that I will never warm from it.

How dreary is the moment
when one soul looks upon another
and in realization, says to himself,
"I do not want you anymore,"

and how much worse the moment
when the second sees the first
and with recognition, says to herself,
"You do not want me anymore."

So now you've left me
nothing but quiet bones.
You have pulled out
my unreal teeth.
You have taken off
my infallible clothes.
I **** the bitter
night. I **** all its
kisses; they bring
me no joy. You have
trimmed my unabashed
hair, my unyielding
nails.
I am quiet bones.

Sometimes I can't stand
to be around this man.
And I know that might confuse my audience. Because I've expressed plenty of times, just how much I care for him.

However,
the depth of my infatuation happens to frighten me.

I guess because I'm fully aware of how quickly he could leave me.
And just how deeply it would strike me.

Still,
I try not to let these thoughts consume me.
But it's easier said then done when the past haunts me with its specific pattern.

Makes me wonder what makes this round different,
And when exactly did I begin to matter.
Then I hesitate when he asks what's the matter.

Because I'm afraid to speak these fears into existence.
I would hate for him to look at me different.
For him to label me as needy,  god forbid he label me insecure.

So I keep my mouth shut. And keep my heart secure.

It's bizarre cause I've never trusted someone as much as him.
But I don't trust him at all.

Still I give him chances to convince me.
So maybe I'm just in denial.

And I pray to god that if worst comes to worst.
My heart will break my fall.

Perhaps crumble to pieces.

Because if he don't want it.

I **** sure don't need it.

I don't want anything ordinary.
I want an indisputable, unquestionable, irrefutable, and incontestable love.

I want to be above any ordinary relationship
without assumptions and arguments about who is she and what is this?

I don't want to have to doubt what we have and what we've made exist.
I  just wanna be happy that we've gotten this far.

I don't want to search and lurk for trouble.
I wanna look into your eyes and know that whatever our result is, it's **** sure worth it.
I don't want to be uncertain.

I want to know what trust is.

I want to know that this is where you choose to be under any circumstance and in any situation.
I want to be the number one choice.

But forget number one because theres no type of list.
Me. . . us, this is it.

I want you to forget about everyone of the past.
I want you to only feel this.
I want you to let go of the "was" and "had" and "loved" and let every word you speak be present tense.

I want this to be it.
I want you to live in the moment.
Every song I hear I can't think of anyone else to compare or relate to my emotions.

Not even if I tried,
because once you came into my life you activated my tunnel vision.
You stole my heart without permission.
And I'm not complaining.

As long as you're here to save it,
from any lack of contentment or lack of commitment cause its too weak to take it.
I want you to step into my shoes and look through my eyes.

I want to love you with a passionate aggression.
To feel mutual dependence and feel no need to seek another companion.  
For you are the only option.

For you are my main topic.
These poems would have no substance.
The base of each of my discussions.
I want a love that's never reluctant.

Beneficial without being unnecessarily public.
You next to me is a compliment.
I want you and I want this.