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Apr 2019 · 635
Flower child
Mariana Nolasco Apr 2019
Like a flower in the dawn of winter

I will blossom.

Defiant

       Tall

                 Proud.

Tomorrow spring dew will caress the stem that holds me upright  

But tonight          

  I rise.                .
Apr 2019 · 227
Life
Mariana Nolasco Apr 2019
became simpler

the more I stared

into the ardor

of his gaze.


                            God bless


the strings that entangled

our hands into holding.

May they last



                                                forever­
.
Aug 2016 · 829
Maya
Mariana Nolasco Aug 2016
She buried herself on my chest
And
Through tired, foggy eyes,  stared into mine
Reading my expression effortlessly
Pure terror.

They said it was her kidneys, that, tired and tattered, could no longer keep up.

I kissed the crown of her head and brushed her cheeks softly.

Sharp pain ran through her tiny body and exited her mouth in a howl.
Call the doctor.

Just like that it was over.  
Vanished.
Never to be seen again.

I am not one to pray.  But now I'm shouting at the heavens
OH GOD, PLEASE

GIVE HER BACK

UNDERSTAND

*She's  just a kid
This is for you.  Just yesterday, you went away.  I wish I could give you a better poem but Im not a great writer.  I'm sorry,  I'm losing my mind. I love you so much.  And I will never stop loving you and when my time comes, I hope to see you waiting for me, so we can be reunited.  Never to be separated again.
Aug 2016 · 1.4k
Invisible to the naked eye
Mariana Nolasco Aug 2016
Have you ever felt so deeply,
     it ripped you  *o p e n ?
May 2016 · 518
Best friend
Mariana Nolasco May 2016
I'd trade a couple decades off of my life if that meant 20 extra years with my dog
May 2016 · 599
forever
Mariana Nolasco May 2016
It's at night that I miss you












                                                    ­  *every night
May 2016 · 372
UNDERLAND
Mariana Nolasco May 2016
Sometimes "forever" will last for only a minute
Número 2.
Apr 2016 · 840
WONDERLAND
Mariana Nolasco Apr 2016
I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then.
#AliceInWonderland
Jan 2016 · 723
Use me
Mariana Nolasco Jan 2016
I lay in bed taking the thrusts of his hips against mine.

                              Numb

He whispers in my ear "I lust you"


            *It isn't love,  but it's close enough...
Dec 2015 · 391
-
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2015
-
I will soon forget the color of your eyes
and you will forget mine



PIERCE THE VEIL
Dec 2015 · 458
Untitled (10w)
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2015
What do I do with this hole in my chest....
Dec 2015 · 1.0k
My love
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2015
At what point did we become strangers?
Dec 2015 · 1.1k
Honesty hour
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2015
I only used you*                                                    




        *To forget about him
and it didn't work
Dec 2015 · 1.4k
Foreshadowing - a monologue
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2015
One of my most vivid memories of us is that one time we were on the phone and you told me you felt uneasy because,  your friend Morgan said that everyone changes.

She said no one ever stays the same,  and with enough time, you'll become a whole new person.

You said this to me warily, I guess I stood quiet for more than I should've because you then softly muttered "are you gonna change?"

Of course I swore I wouldn't.  And I meant it.  I really meant it when I said I wouldn't change.  WE wouldn't. It'd always be like this.
Late night talks on the phone,  exploring the universe within our own minds,  opening every door and walking in every aisle inside each other, carefully peeking into the cracks in the walls and kissing them better.  

That night you said that you loved me so much,  you felt the need to open the window and shout it at the whole world. You wanted all Paris to hear it.

If it was true love, how could it change?

Laying against you in bed felt right.  Like we had grooves and keys carved into our bodies that aligned us together perfectly, like it was supposed to be like this.

It felt like we were the lucky ones.  The lucky two that, against all the odds, found each other in the sea of hearts of the world.  

But the years went by as they do

And slowly the fire started to cool down

We memorized the way in and out of the labyrinth of our bodies.

Weirdly, the grooves and keys that snuggled us so closely together before,  didn't seem to fit all that well anymore.

We didn't realize that time had put new cracks on our walls.

Some doors were closed and others were opened. I guess We were lazy to remap the whole thing,  or maybe we didn't even notice.  

But we kept walking the same way in and out every time. It grew... Tideous.

Without me realizing, you stopped shouting your love for me to Paris.
And When I turned my head and looked behind, it seemed like it was just a faint whisper.
After that, all I could hear was the echo.

To be honest,  I was mad for a long time.  Thinking that you let everything die. That our hands didn't fit together like they used to because you didn't care to make it right.

But Lately I'm thinking that, it's not that you didn't care. It's not that I did something wrong. It's surely not a matter of true love, because it was.  
No,  we didn't let it die

We just... changed.

I guess Morgan was right.
Apr 2015 · 920
Lousy truth (10w)
Mariana Nolasco Apr 2015
You used to be my strength... You became my weakness
Oh,  how strange a thing love can be
Sep 2014 · 2.4k
Holodomor (hunger)
Mariana Nolasco Sep 2014
Cierra la boca,
Mi dulce criatura.
Estas hambriento
Lo puedo notar.

Mas hoy no hay comida
y, yo lo presiento,
No la habrá en un tiempo más.

Cantaré un rato,  si eso es de ayuda
Siéntate quieto en éste lugar.
Olvida el hambre y duerme profundo
Sueña que en un banquete estás.

Basta comida, música viva
Corre y ve con el general.
Dile que en casa los niños suplican
Por una mordida

                      Del más simple pan...

***translation

Close your mouth,
My sweet child
You are hungry,  
And I can tell.

But today,  there is no food
And I can just feel it,
There won't be
For another long while.

I'll sing a while, if that helps a little
Sit down still. Right  here,  beside me.
Forget the hunger, sleep peacefully
Dream that you are in a feast.  

So much food, and lovely music
Run to speak to the General.
Tell him,  back home the children are begging
For just one bite

                 Of the plainest bread
The Holodomor was a famine in the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic in 1932 and 1933 that killed up to about 10 million Ukrainians. Holomodor literally translates as "hunger"

Poorly translated at the moment, shall improve it later on.
Jul 2014 · 1.1k
Today, I miss you
Mariana Nolasco Jul 2014
And I don’t know why do I miss you.
Is it too early in the morning for me to remember I’ll wake up alone?
Is it because I again forgot to take the daily dose of Prozac?
Truth be told, I don’t know. And you won’t know either.

It is in fact too soon for me to face the truth?
Because my fairy tale dreams are still running circles in my head.
First step’s first:
Denial.

I’m brewing coffee for two.
One would expect that after all this time I would simply summon up
I would wake up without looking at the right side of the bed
I would take one mug, make coffee for one
And instead, here I am.

Is it too late to beg some more?
I don’t know what will be of me
All I know is, Today, I miss you
Brainstorming  #1
Mariana Nolasco Feb 2014
I can't  see other than those birds singing
The kids playing
The air flying
it is joy.  
Pure joy

yes,  my heart is broken.
Torn to pieces
Still beating
Still pumping
NO LONGER DYING

The birds are still singing
The kids are still laughing
my life is still waiting
This is a goodbye to the tears
To the screams, to the hate.  

When I woke up today,
I realized no one is worth my tears
NO ONE has the right to break me
To make me hate me

Farewell my friend
I'm tired of your games
This time I'm leaving...
For **good
Drafts that never get anywhere #4
Dec 2013 · 440
Slipping away
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2013
I've been losing myself lately.

I don't know where to find me.
someone save me
Oct 2013 · 475
In silence
Mariana Nolasco Oct 2013
Our breaths combined
Your heart melted in mine
As my heart melted in yours
Becoming one only
Beating in unison
Cutting through the silence
*Pushing away the shadows...
Apr 2013 · 495
Erinyes
Mariana Nolasco Apr 2013
It’s a dream!*                                                          ­                
I scream to my insides

as I look for a way out of this place.
It’s a dream! Only a dream!                                                          ­
-But, it is not.

I hear footsteps.
Have I gone mad?                                                            ­    
No! They’re footsteps!                                                      ­        
Quick, find a way out.                                                            ­
I swoop, wave and brandish

That sword that was once useful.

Then I run, and then hide.

I pray, I beg and pant.

But they find me, and  t h e y  take me!
and more, I scream:

LET ME BE FREE!                                                         ­   
But
I                      
                        
can’t          
          
be…


I wake up.

In my bed, that’s old and *****.

And I cry, because I couldn’t save you in that dream

Just like I cannot save myself.

I don’t know,

if I am brave:

for I close my eyes yet once again

That, dry and glassy,

b e g  for some hours of peace

knowing that we are not alone.

That my Erinyes, just like ravens

Are sitting by the edge of the bed

Patiently waiting

Without a sound

For me to
turn    
off              
the                  
l                              
i                        
g                
h        
t...





*click
this poem does not rhyme because I first wrote it in another language. I thought someone could like it, so here it is. Do give feedback, please.
Mariana Nolasco Mar 2013
I think that the most common problem in society is getting confused between
"she looks happy" and "she is happy"
Mariana Nolasco Feb 2013
Will time really cure this wound?

Will it ever stop oozing my blood?

That is what all people assume

But what if this time, they’re wrong?

What if this time, I’ve gone

To the point of no return?

That one that tells me I’m doomed

Where not even time will help me bloom

When not even hope will keep me from being consumed

By this misery.. by my self-inflicted wounds?

What if this time, I've gone

To the dark place I call home

To the cloaks that keep me safe

Inside my mind, inside my brain

What if this time, I'm done.

What if I'm just simply gone.

What if tomorrow,

I'm dead

Will you miss me?

Will you pray?

Will you regret

Or will you laugh?

Will you cry

and will you lie?

Will you ever wonder




Why?                                                  ­                          .
Mariana Nolasco Feb 2013
How dreadful, that the world runs on money

and not peace

Terrible, isn't it?

That this causes joy

And   love   causes   tears.

How can we be scared, to share our dreams

Yet completely willing to ignore the screams

Of the children, the elders, these wisdom machines.

For the children, find a way, to live with nature, live in peace.

And the elders, they're all tired, of what seems to be

a never ending war, a fight for money, for control, from king to queen.

Aren't we to learn a lesson, from these people, from the kids?

Are we to stay with arms crossed, letting our world wither, disappear?

I refuse.

                 I refuse to stay in place and watch my world burn.

                                                                 I refuse to live blindfolded and believe the lies I hear today.
I refuse.
                I refuse.

  Does it make a difference?

                                     If I simply refuse...
  What can I do?

  What can I do to save us and save myself?
                                                                             To change this tragic ending,

                                                                                                                                So that we can start again
Feb 2013 · 581
Honest Confession
Mariana Nolasco Feb 2013
I am scared that my future children will be raised not by me, but by the media
I am terrified that they will change who they are to fit in.
I really wouldn't stand seeing them like robots,
Children of, not me, but society.
Feb 2013 · 458
I care. (10w)
Mariana Nolasco Feb 2013
Believe me when I say *"You won't ever be alone"
Feb 2013 · 487
Depression
Mariana Nolasco Feb 2013
You know you've hit rock bottom when you get to this place.

Which is not hell, since I've seen it.

It's bigger;
emptier...

It's scary.

Is it a place?

Or is it a time?

...

I reckon it is a time.

That when you hate yourself so much,

you won't even cry about it.

You won't stand in front of a mirror and frown about it,

Or complain about it.

You will do all you can

to forget about it,

Just not think about it.

You will look at your scars and wonder about them.

Feel them and think about them.

But you won't say anything about them.

You will then turn to the mirror

And regret facing your fear.

Because you'll see your face and get mad about it,

You will see your body and scream about it.

You will see self-hatred and try to forget about it.

but you can't forget about it.

Not until you take your blade and bleed about it.

But, you will never feel better about it

Because:

you've                                                           ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                
hit                                                              ­                
                                                  
rock                                      
                      ­                
bottom.

There's no getting better from this

But you WILL NOT cry about it.
Drafts that never get anywhere #3
Jan 2013 · 726
Thank you for the venom
Mariana Nolasco Jan 2013
I can feel your poison cutting through my heart

Killing me slowly  

Tearing me apart.  

I love the pain I feel when you stab me in the back

Having my body grow cold as my blood stains the ground.

Insult me, cut me, I'll bleed dry.

Hug me, hold me, I don't mind.

Just don't ever leave me

Don't abandon me tonight

On this night, that's everlasting

As my lonely, lightless fright.

Poison me with your thoughts, your fights and your rotten mind.

I promise I will love you, and I will still smile bright.

I promise I won't leave you, and I'll try not to cry.

I'll swallow all my pain and keep it deep inside

In my little box of feelings, that will never see daylight.

Please keep me in your unconscious nightmare

Because that's my favorite place.

Don't take my words for granted,

Believe me, I mean this:

I love your hate.
Drafts that never get anywhere #2
Jan 2013 · 618
Not a poem
Mariana Nolasco Jan 2013
When I have a daughter, I will make sure she NEVER sheds a tear because of her appearance.

I will teach her that beauty doesn't come from having flawless skin or the ideal weight,

But from her actions towards others.

and when she asks me if I followed my own advice,

I will confess that I didn't, and that's why I learnt from it
My daughter won't grow up feeling worthless, as I did. I promise
Jan 2013 · 639
Goodbye
Mariana Nolasco Jan 2013
Goodnight, my love
Tonight I leave for good.
Just hush, my love
Don't cry so much,
You will feel better soon.

Sleep tight, my love.
Don't fear the hurt,
Your light will be the moon.
Breathe deep my love,
Like that, go on
I'll sing your favorite tune.

And don't worry, my love
For I leave you not
Without making this easier for you.
I leave you here, a list, my love
Of things to learn to do:

"Wake up early and smile
For the day is bright
And there are no clouds around

Feel proud
About how you speak your mind
For there is no one alike

Be joyous, don't cry
Don't sob or frown
When you see my seat unoccupied

Remember the good times
The laughs and the cries
The love we shared for the longest time

Last but not least, learn how to live
It's the best advice you'll get from me
Write what you feel and follow your dreams"


When the night gets dark I won't be here
Wake up till noon,
If you can if you could
Tomorrow will be here soon

And I reckon you'll cry
You'll scream and fight
When you see I'm nowhere about

Goodnight, my love.
I leave you behind
But your memory stays deep in my heart

Goodbye, my love
It's time to go
But I will always,
Always
Keep you close
Jan 2013 · 424
My love
Mariana Nolasco Jan 2013
You should see him,
You know?
You should see the way he holds me
As if I was made of paper
Instead of meat and bones.
You should see the way he smiles
Understanding,
Whenever I do someting wrong.
You should see the way he kisses me
Ever-so-softly, yet sometimes rough.
You should see him, really
The way he makes me fall in love.
Drafts that never get anywhere #1
Jan 2013 · 317
WAR (10w)
Mariana Nolasco Jan 2013
I will keep the faith if you keep holding on.
With all the things that are wrong in our world, we need hope, or that's what I think. Don't give up your faith that things will get better, it's the reason why people don't give up. If that makes any sense...
Jan 2013 · 341
Just a thought.. (10w)
Mariana Nolasco Jan 2013
I am not alone, but, will I ever escape loneliness?
Dec 2012 · 1.2k
Hallucinations
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Scream a bit louder
I love to hear you suffer
Begin crying harder
Weren't you a lot tougher?

This won't end up as usual
You will not win again
This moment is just crucial
Tonight your life I'll take

Bang! Start running
You have 5 minutes to hide
After that I'll commence chasing
After that you will be mine

I load my gun and put my boots
Hunting season has begun
You can hide and hold your breath,
I will find you anyway

Run and run faster
Youre only making this game better
Can you hear the blaster?
Kneel down, idolize your master.

This, my friend
This, is my sweet revenge.
*Bang!
Feedback on this and all my poems is always appreciated :)
Dec 2012 · 535
3:00 AM
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Sometimes the silence deafens my ears
And the darkness burns my skin
The immensity of nothingness
Terrifies me
Dec 2012 · 417
Letters from the past
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Funny how I promised myself I wouldn't weep for you again.
Funny how I've been crying myself to sleep every night since then.
Remembering our times together
Things that could have gone better
And though you're already so far away
My brain keeps your memory alive and fresh
If I could talk to you just one more time
I'd tell you how much I love you
How you're always on my mind.
Remember when I said I wanted to die by your side?
Well, I meant it.
I wish I could go back in time
Back to when I could call you mine
So.. long story short..
I miss you so bad
Just wanted to say that.. I'm going mad
Written something like 2 years ago, to the man who is now my fiance. Not very good, or rather not good at all, I just wanted to put it out there
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
I see your skin turning blue
As my ruby red hands press even harder
I laugh histerically at your face
I just commited the perfect ******

You should have listened to me,
When I said this wouldn't end up good
Not for you at least,
because for me there's no more blues

don't apologize now, it won't save you anymore
Your soul will rott in hell
Let me play with this set of knives and your flesh.
Shh, cry no more darling

This dagger will only hurt for a second
As I turn it on your stomach
And your blood bathes the ground
You will bleed the tears I've cried
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
There's a corpse walking through the streets

Empty on the inside, where my soul used to be

It doesn't feel a thing

It doesn't hurt, it doesn't heal

Its just a mannequin

A sick joke you may think

It wont answer if you call my name

It wont listen when you beg for it to stay

Its lifeless, its dead

Its just the body that remains

No smiling, no screaming.

Not a single sign

No laughter no singing

Not anything i once was

Don't offer a helping hand

For she wont shake it

Don't help her stand up if she falls

She wont take it

Its over.

I'm dead already

There's nothing you can do

It's done

I'm gone

*You're left alone
this poem was made years ago, I no longer suffer from depression, so don't worry :)
Dec 2012 · 449
Talking to the sky
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Heaven, why won’t you stop crying?
Who did you wrong?What happened?
You've always seemed so strong.
Tell me, why are you so sad?

Stop sobbing friend of mine, come to me, I’ll make it right.
I'll listen, I’ll stay here all night.
Is that what it takes to make you feel fine?
You know? I’ve seen rain lots of times.

I’ve seen hurricanes, when you’re mad.
But.. Even in those.. I’ve never seen you crying so hard.
Did you lose someone?
I’ve lost loved ones too..

Or has your heart been shattered?
For me that’s nothing new.
No? But if it’s not that… What is it, then? What’s the matter?
Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll make it through.

The sun will show up again, the clouds will go away soon.
I remember when I was depressed..
Even in my darkest days
You held the blue color of the sky

Kept the moonlight in those lonely nights
So, please believe me this time.
Again, my friend, you’ll be happy, you’ll shine.

As long as you keep your hopes up.
As long as you try and smile.
Please heaven **please don’t cry
I made this a couple of years ago, i suffered from depression, and while looking out the window on a rainy day these words came out of me, the whole thing sounds a little childish and its barely a poem, but i dont wish to change it because it lets me see how even in the bad times, i kept trying to see the bright side :)
Dec 2012 · 564
Denial
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
It has been a month since you left.
Things for me didn’t change.
Your keys are still on the coffee table
The ring won’t move from the desk.

But in the garden, our garden, there is something strange.
I keep watering the bushes, I swear.
But those plants, they miss you
Yes! They miss you

They miss the way you sang to them
They miss your delicate touch
They miss your cheerful laughter and your warm smile
The silly dance you made every once in a while

Or your eyes
your tender, bright eyes.
These plants, they miss you.
Not I.
Dec 2012 · 762
Forever and always
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
I slowly let my walls down as I get closer to you.
I reach of your hand. You hold me tight.
I hear you breathing heavily as your lips taste mine
Feeling your touch reminds me that I’m alive.
That everything will be alright
Your warm breath surrounds my neck. You make me feel safe
I cry in your arms. Hoping this will last.
It’s been a long time since I last smiled
You pull me close enough to hear your heartbeat.
Slow and calm, slow and calm
I look at the clock
With your gentle hand you turn my head. Touching my cheeks
Making me blush
We stay quiet. There’s no sound.
The deepness in your eyes lets me know you’re not looking at me.
But at my soul
You open your mouth:
"We are timeless baby, this moment will always last.
Don’t look at the clock, you'll lose your mind. We are frozen in time
It stopped ticking a while ago. When my eyes first met your smile"

I climb my way to your ear and whisper:
"Please, let’s be together forever."
Looking at me you smiled forever and ever you said
Forever and ever.. I’ll stay.
Dec 2012 · 579
Mirror mirror on the wall
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Stare at that person in the mirror
Tell me, what do you see?
I see your eyes crying
I see your lips lying

Stare, but look closer into your skin
Look at yourself and try not to scream
Your smile I'm not buying
I feel your hopes dying

Stare and look past agaist your tears
Open your eyes, realize you're what you fear
Youre running out of breath, stop, you can't see clear
Because of the self-hatred that has always been here

That pain that forever seems near
Stare now
For once
Listen to your own screams
Dec 2012 · 459
The past (I'm real)
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
In my room alone I cry
with a razor in my hand
sheets are all covered in blood
while I wait for him to come back home
people call me names for cutting my skin through
but.. don't they too?
Don't they keep everything inside?
Don't they cry on their own all night?
Aren't they scared of silence too?
Aren't they running from the truth?
Hiding their pain with a mask..
Doing favors like if it was a task..
you are a hypocrite
that's what you are
I may cut myself
but at least I'm alive
Dec 2012 · 1.6k
Let me save you
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Let me take you to a place where the sun is shining.
Where there is no misery or agony.
Let me guide you home and get you out of this darkness.
Take my hand, I’ll hold you close.

Smile.

Come here, let's sit on our own.
There is nothing you should fear.
I swear I'll dry your tears.
Open your eyes, you're not alone.

We’re together in this.
I’ll scare your demons away, infect them with my light.
I’ll be there to catch you when you fall apart.
I’ll end your fright.

Laugh.

See the colors all around.
See the moonlight, see the stars.
Hear the silence, hear my voice
Let it be your only thought

Open your heart.
I'm coming in
I'm cleaning everything
Let yourself be free

I promise I won't ever hurt you
I’ll be your hope,
Your light
Your savior

I’ll pick up the pieces of your broken heart,
Glue them back together
I’ll keep them safe inside.
Let me keep you warm at night

I promise I wont let you down
Hush
Turn the lights back on
Feel my touch.

Take a deep breath, smell the flowers
enjoy the silence.
Lets lay here just a few seconds
Because there's no anger or violence

No pain or blood.
Can we stay here for hours?
I’ll wipe out every sign of pain you’ve ever had
I’ll end the sorrow that’s in your heart

Let me take you to a place where the sun is shining
Follow me.
Where there is no misery or agony
We’ll run forever

Let me guide you home and get you out of this darkness
Lets hide together, no one will find us. Not now or never.
See the moonlight, see the stars
See the raindrops as they fall

Hear the silence, hear my voice
Take my hand I’ll hold you close
Feel the wind, feel the peace
Feel the tears as they dry on your cheek

Keep on going, you're strong enough
Look at my smile
Listen to my words
I promise I wont let you down
Dec 2012 · 705
Angel
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Rest in heaven forevermore
blue eyed princess that I adore

For I shall stay in this kingdom of night,
praying, hoping you will find the light.

Little girl that has my love,
how are things in heaven above?

Can you see my soul breaking?
Can't you hear my heart tore?

Darling, I need you,
I miss you so.

Sweet angel, just say why.
Why did you have to say goodbye?
Dec 2012 · 479
Prayer
Mariana Nolasco Dec 2012
Cheers to the lonely, the broken, the sad
cheers because always you’ll live in my heart.

I pray for the outcasts, the tear in their eyes
I pray for you to stand up from the ground.

The flame that has burnt both your heart and your hands
soon will be gone, leaving only a scar.

For you there’s no limit, not even the sky.
I know there’s a dreamer in the back of your mind.

Cheers to the fallen, the sick and the “bad”
Cheers for standing against the crowd.

Long live the hurt and the warriors of life,
the soldiers that never gave up the fight

I offer my prayers, for you to find a light.
Plead with me if you're willing to take my advice:

Hold on to your faith, fly above the ground
falling and hurting but not looking back.

I pray for you to hear my voice through the night
I pray for you to find peace in your heart

— The End —