my love
i know
we will meet in another life
as we have in the past
we will live out this love story
to its magnificent heights

i just wish
it had happened
in this life

i need to shake this hate
so my children don't see it
in my eyes

you know
the limitations
you see
in your life
are created
by
you

your face
against mine
heart races
faster than my mind

beautiful you

an easy kiss
a hard goodbye

this calm
this quiet universe
we created
together

it can only be ours
it's only for us

every
single
day

i looked for you

every morning

i sat in silence
waiting for a sign

today
i feel the freshness of truth
on my lips
waiting to spill out

in your mind
how long
does this
go on?

over time
your touch
became
my enemy

over time
my love
became
despair

i'm cheating
on you
you're cheating
on me

what
a
coincidence

did we just
agree?

does a dying mind
have worries of the past?

will regret
follow me
into the next life?

and if so
will it be
because i did
or did not?

i hope
you're alive
and happy
and better
without
me

tonight
only you
will
do

words
are
just
words

you aren't
here.

so

i don't
care.

i'm tired
of feeling guilt
for what comes naturally

our existence
right now
makes me whole
makes me free

everything i do
a calculated attempt
of an escape
from
pretty much
everything

escaping the light
truths
not yet ripe

the suggestion
the night
the time
the fight

your eyes
told me
of
your
plight

those drops of water
sliding across the glass
feel like
the tears
i won't let myself cry

closed eyes
my paradise

visions
come true

of

me
and
you

i know that
i just broke your heart
and i'll admit
that mine broke all over again
even though
it seems to have been breaking
over
and over
for the last 12 years.

i will say
that
each time
it got a little easier.

i saw your tears
heard your voice
with desperation
you
trying to grasp
the end.

for your first time.
and for that
i am sorry

poisoned
by my own mind

i never even tried
to make you mine

a lonely dreamer
seems to be
me

a yearning heart
longing to be
free

i know
i'm doing this for me
but
after all of this
if i don't have you
i
  will
    fall
      apart

ensuring the future
expression of my fantasy
requires
that you
stick around

recently
you have been giving me
a look
that so deeply
resonates
and tells me
truly
that
i don't know you
anymore

it hurts
seeing you
become better
for
someone else

it was
never
me

it was
never
meant
to be

i'm afraid
i'm not worthy
of a wish
so big

today
felt so far away
from where i stood
then

but now
here i am

i accepted our reality
already
but
that doesn't make it
any easier
to get through the day

still want you
still waiting

maybe i should have
left you
alone

am i always
running away
or
towards
something?

should i feel special
because of your attention?

should i feel special
because you said you care?

should i feel special
because of your words?

because they are

words

and
nothing more

you ruined me
now i know what i'm missing

you ruined me
now i know real love

you ruined me
because i can't have you

but you're all that i want

my three loves

you all indulge

my past
my present
and
my future

you each
fill
a different
piece of my heart

yet
you each
consume
all of
me

not the me
who
is no longer
me

i love you
all
equally

reaching
for you

in focus
and out

your closeness
fleeting

hearts
bleeding

my
vanishing man

i've now
realized the fear
of every newlywed

because

now i know
i married
the wrong person

getting here
took
forever

but now
things are moving
too
fast

my heart,
now full
of hate,
needs somewhere
to release

because
even though
you
****
i don’t want
to hate you

and
i can’t
keep it
inside

like
i used to

songs and memories
entwined
old,
new again
you,
and me again

sometimes
it seems easier
alone
but always
it feels better
with you

how can
one person
break one heart
this many times

conditioned fear
keeps us
in the cage

intentions of
freedom
passion
purpose
warmth
balance
peace

your insult
today
stoked my core

evoking
anger
guilt
indignation

sadness

separation

today
i am full
of love

i can feel
it
overflowing

let me
share
with you

without your voice
i hear you

without your presence
i feel you

in dreams
i see you

and
one day
i will
have
you

did i
come to my senses
too late?

i did everything
for you
so now
i don’t know me

what is
the point

this question

haunts me
every day

why should i
bother

does my suffering
matter

and
the answer
determines
the future