i'm waiting
for you to slow down
this seems to cause
a torrential downpour
persistent
in strength
defying
my wish

doing what i can
to hear you
feel you
pull you in

just
give in

you give me
everything i need
to be free

my fire heart
will
always
win

so

who
did you daydream
about

when you
were trapped
with me?

sad truths
waiting
in plain sight

finally
sink in

i know you
too well now
to pretend
that you're a stranger
my eyes tell
the whole truth

i enjoyed the day
despite you
and certainly not
because of you

over time
your touch
became
my enemy

over time
my love
became
despair

looking over your shoulder
with remorse

a heart's denial
you didn't enforce

word was never truth
(actions told me that)

intentions tend to soothe
(distracting from the act)

so why am
i
i'm still buying the lie

my
imperfection
& impatience

i expect
will drive you away

just trying
to speed it up

my collection
gems
i have them hidden
i hold them dear

precious time

a kiss
your face
our laughs

overflowing
like
me

this
immense love
burns only for you

is also
the reason why
i have to
say
goodbye

i'm descending
to the depths
of doubt

i don't think
my emotions are fair
to you
but
i don't plan on
rightsizing

what is it to be innocent?
and why does it bring you back to me..
over and over again
you ignore my ignoring
and have something positive to say
even when i tell you to go away

i think i'm still waiting
for the truth to overlay

it scares me
like maybe
you didn't see something
to deter you
and like maybe
you will
one day

poisoned
by my own mind

i never even tried
to make you mine

words
are
just
words

you aren't
here.

so

i don't
care.

you make me feel
lonely
even when i'm with you

recently
you have been giving me
a look
that so deeply
resonates
and tells me
truly
that
i don't know you
anymore

closed eyes
my paradise

visions
come true

of

me
and
you

all of the people
buzzing
the loneliness
deafening

every
single
day

i looked for you

every morning

i sat in silence
waiting for a sign

you don't want to say it
but i do

an expression of me, of us
words that carry feeling
depth
importance

words that sing
from my heart to yours

my heart,
now full
of hate,
needs somewhere
to release

because
even though
you
****
i don’t want
to hate you

and
i can’t
keep it
inside

like
i used to

i don't know
what i want

but
i know
how i want to feel

with so little
time left

and so many
stones left to turn

this journey
seems
to extend

beyond
my understanding

along
an infinite road

beneath
countless moons

loves
hates
deaths
fates

all of the possibilities
tied to that hope
floated away
with it

my three loves

you all indulge

my past
my present
and
my future

you each
fill
a different
piece of my heart

yet
you each
consume
all of
me

not the me
who
is no longer
me

i love you
all
equally

i need to shake this hate
so my children don't see it
in my eyes

my love
i know
we will meet in another life
as we have in the past
we will live out this love story
to its magnificent heights

i just wish
it had happened
in this life

my questions
emerge
burn away
the fog

the mystery
of our future

beauty in uncertainty
but
peace
in understanding

echo love
fades
repeats
comforts
disappears

without your voice
i hear you

without your presence
i feel you

in dreams
i see you

and
one day
i will
have
you

you have
failed
to molt

and
it
will
destroy
you

this calm
this quiet universe
we created
together

it can only be ours
it's only for us

getting here
took
forever

but now
things are moving
too
fast

how many ways
can i pour
this
from my heart
until it's gone
or until
the overflow
stops
spilling into
other parts
of
me

i've now
realized the fear
of every newlywed

because

now i know
i married
the wrong person

today
felt so far away
from where i stood
then

but now
here i am

your love
is my reset button

what are you going to say
when
she finds out?

still want you
still waiting

maybe i should have
left you
alone

should i feel special
because of your attention?

should i feel special
because you said you care?

should i feel special
because of your words?

because they are

words

and
nothing more

today
i feel the freshness of truth
on my lips
waiting to spill out

reaching
for you

in focus
and out

your closeness
fleeting

hearts
bleeding

my
vanishing man

our existence
right now
makes me whole
makes me free

i know why
you came back
you transparent
beautiful
stupid
boy

hope lost now
is strength
for the future

does a dying mind
have worries of the past?

will regret
follow me
into the next life?

and if so
will it be
because i did
or did not?