in your mind
how long
does this
go on?

a lonely dreamer
seems to be
me

a yearning heart
longing to be
free

i felt
full (filled)
until it
drained
out of me
slowly
peacefully
yet grimly

it's
colder
now

today
i am full
of love

i can feel
it
overflowing

let me
share
with you

everything i do
a calculated attempt
of an escape
from
pretty much
everything

those drops of water
sliding across the glass
feel like
the tears
i won't let myself cry

the invitation

will always
show
what
you
welcomed
openly

...
that which
you

now

deny
so
vehemently

you ruined me
now i know what i'm missing

you ruined me
now i know real love

you ruined me
because i can't have you

but you're all that i want

i know
i'm doing this for me
but
after all of this
if i don't have you
i
  will
    fall
      apart

songs and memories
entwined
old,
new again
you,
and me again

am i always
running away
or
towards
something?

you have
no power
over me now
or ever

how can
one person
break one heart
this many times

i did everything
for you
so now
i don’t know me

did i
come to my senses
too late?

feels like
my head
keeps slipping down
beneath the water

swallowed
by the void

how do i explain
to you
what's happening
to me?

oh, you.

you.

i'll never be mad
at you.

i'm tired
of feeling guilt
for what comes naturally

conditioned fear
keeps us
in the cage

your insult
today
stoked my core

evoking
anger
guilt
indignation

sadness

separation

i hate you
for how you make me feel
and for
how you
don’t see me
at all

i know

all
of the pain
i caused

the choices
i stole
from you

i
feel it
now
with you

your cries
of pain,
heartbreak
are almost
too much
to bear

and now i know
how
i wronged you
and
now

it’s too late

i’m sorry
but it’s too late

intentions of
freedom
passion
purpose
warmth
balance
peace

what is
the point

this question

haunts me
every day

why should i
bother

does my suffering
matter

and
the answer
determines
the future

i'm afraid
i'm not worthy
of a wish
so big

i know
you see me

love me

trying to
figure out

why you
fear
me

sometimes
this sadness is so deep
i could just lie back
and let it take me

and i know
tomorrow
my anger
will recede
leaving only regret

and
it's really
the worst

sometimes
it seems easier
alone
but always
it feels better
with you

to wait
is an illusion

patience is
merely
self control

words
acquire meaning
with action

i am
choosing
every
day

i accepted our reality
already
but
that doesn't make it
any easier
to get through the day

too little
heart

too late
to depart

too much
dreaming
from the
start

starting my life
over again
with less than a life to live

what is

   enough
   right
   fitting
   --here--

now


that didn't seem
to be
before?

the ringing
of my anger

can't be dampened
other than
with time

like
sound waves
spreading
dissolving

one day
i'll be
ok

i can't remember
which lies
are for who
maybe
i should just start
speaking the truth

begging
for a release

when

all i have to do
is
take the first step

beautiful you
how powerful you make me feel
how loved
and how special

everyone
i thought i had
are now gone

hopes
drooping
lonely
veil

i finally gave myself
enough space
to miss you

why
does it have
to be
a wish?

there was a time
when this was new
i thought i saw
a glimpse of you

you left me clues
along the way
but you never
gave your heart away

i haven’t learned
no, i can’t let it go
how many times can i endure
the word no?

freedom
feels empty
when i hold it
in my hands

a love too big
to understand

a life too short
to embrace

my patience too thin
to wait

oh, how quickly
hope wanes
replaced immediately
by
bitter
doubt

just one day
stands between us

just one sleep
with dreams of you

just one more
day

then

what

we are wavering
daily
between love and hate

how can these things
transform
into one another
with such ease?

not sure
how much more
my heart can take

there was
a turn
today
when my love
began
to decay

i’m lonely with you
but
i’ll be lonely without you