you make me feel
lonely
even when i'm with you

i don't think
my emotions are fair
to you
but
i don't plan on
rightsizing

sabotage
sabotage
my favorite
self-infliction

tired of daydreams
dissolving
in the face of reality

today
my long-term wondering
becomes a short-term demand

sounds of rain
distinguishable drops
surround us
huddled inside,
sounds of passion
feeling hidden
invisible
free

pull me into you
cover me
in your touches
smooth me out
make me purr

since i’ve loved you
i’ve only
loved
you

a lone hand
outstretched
pulling me back up
from my darkness
the only one
who could

you push me
to the heights
lift me
from the depths

your love
is my reset button

you're not here
we aren't anything
this isn't real
i'm not your problem

i accepted our reality
already
but
that doesn't make it
any easier
to get through the day

i get high
to cope with life
so
what's the point?

this sadness
grew today

the wringing
the tension

a black hole
reducing me
to nothing

my body
rejects my sadness
hardens me instead

all of the possibilities
tied to that hope
floated away
with it

my ultimate betrayal
to the one i love
is pushing him away

this smile
is a lie

when you kiss me
like
desperately pulling in an anchor
i’m ready
to drift away
with you

it's hard to believe
that
this is true

since
just a few days ago
i saw you

you soften me
with calm
you smooth my roughness
with ease

heal me,
love

our gazes
meet
and
my smile,
sleek shy grin
is the beaming
of my heart
that cannot be contained

i'm not sure
what
you were expecting
but
you got
me

i'm waiting
for you to slow down
this seems to cause
a torrential downpour
persistent
in strength
defying
my wish

you give me
everything i need
to be free

on your last day
the sun was shining
and big white clouds ran across the sky

someone held you tight
and told you, "i love you"
admired you
and cherished you

on your last day
all of your love poured out

you inspired
and you soared
you lived
and you died

your love remains
always

sometimes
when i look back to you
i am astonished
with how your eyes
meet mine
paralyze me
with this look
that words cannot describe

while it's true
you inspired
my open eyes

from here
my pursuit of freedom
has to be
just for me

when you look at me
i become
a shooting star
sailing across the sky
soaring
away
spreading our light
everywhere

time taken
exploring the newness
of each other
turns into
settling into
the awe
and wonder
of us

hope
disappointment
and hope again
always hope again

each time i find the strength
to release this stress
it comes back to grip me
even tighter

every ball
i've tossed in the air
is on its way
back down

this dream life
is starting to blend in
with my real life

you took my screaming heart
into your gentle hands
and then
all was quiet

i have to be careful
so you don't think
i'm too broken

people are starting to notice
our hidden love

what are you going to say
when
she finds out?

hope lost now
is strength
for the future

i know you
too well now
to pretend
that you're a stranger
my eyes tell
the whole truth

i need to shake this hate
so my children don't see it
in my eyes

sometimes
this sadness is so deep
i could just lie back
and let it take me

you're like..
the opposite of love
in human form

i'm tired
of feeling guilt
for what comes naturally

my blooms
never reach the sun
because
you crush each one

beautiful you
how powerful you make me feel
how loved
and how special

our existence
right now
makes me whole
makes me free

renewing love
like a fountain
overflowing
over
and over

all the way up
and
all the way back down
again
and again

echo love
fades
repeats
comforts
disappears