It's been 103 days since you left
I'll never stop counting
Visit me in my deepest dreams
Make me feel something

I think its good for you to not know who I am.


I don't either.

The thing about 'not knowing' scares me
It's the deep end of the ocean,
the parallel universe no one can confirm,
feeling my feet off the ground.

Also being conscious of things scares me
the inevitable lost,
the never ending search for purpose,
knowing there is no pause.

I can't save me from myself now.
Tried drowning myself in places and crowds.
From where I started and.. where I'm at its worst somehow.
Every color of emotion kept filling up.
But we don't have a choice, do we?

I sometimes wish I was gone.
I sometimes wish I could hit restart and take a different road.
I don't  know who I want to be anymore.
I just wanna shut down and forever be in airplane mode.

Dear friend,

You are full of insecurities you sometimes moderate your breathing when you're around other people.
You dance in the shower because you have two left dinosaur legs.
It takes you 2-3 months before you befriend a co-worker.
Never have I ever seen you start a conversation with a stranger.

Dear friend ,

You don't have to prove yourself to anyone
You don't need to pretend to be the brightest one in the room
You don't have to count the coins 5 or 6 times just to be sure
You don't have to always second guess your decisions in life

Calm the f* down!

Dear friend,

I am you.

It's been two weeks
Breathing in this sinful world without you
God picked the brightest sunflower I know
No one will ever be ready to let you go

Slowly we grew old
Slowly we forget the things we wanted
the relationships we valued
our manners also faded
and the dreams we planned to pursue.

Then suddenly "SLOW" doesn't seem so slow anymore.

There is someone else inside me
I knew it long before I know how to read
I'm afraid that the word won't accept me
Or even worst, I can't accept me.