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145 · Apr 7
financially wise.
Kaya hindi umuunlad ang bansa, dahil maraming nag-aasawa nang walang plano para sa kinabukasan.

Nagpauto sa salitang "mahal kita," kaya ito ang naging kapalaran nating dalawa.

Umaasa na kayang itawid ang gutom at uhaw sa salitang "bahala na si Batman."

Tila ba naging sapat na para sa atin ang pagkain ng pagpag, nagmimistulang "isang kahig, isang tuka."

Itulog na lang ang gutom at uhaw na nararamdaman, sapagkat kinabukasan ay panibagong umaga na naman ang haharapin natin.

Hindi matatawid ng gutom o uhaw ang salitang "mahal kita."

Kahit kailan, hindi masama o makasarili na isaalang-alang din natin ang ating kapakanan, upang maiwasan na makita ang mga batang hindi naman hiniling na mabuhay sa mundong ito na nagdurusa.
what is the difference between the tin-can minded person and an abyssful-minded writer?

a tin-can minded person babbles empty words, empty promises
no substance, no form
all baseless accusations with no proof to show

somehow, an abyssful-minded writer
thinks outside the box
when one writes, she is possessed with poetic souls
be it E.A Poe, Robert Frost or William Shakespeare,
she puts her words into her poem.

what about you?
what did you think you contributed to the world, gossip monger?
entertainment to your neighbors?
or just to make your story plausible for naive-minded people?

sometimes, a tin can babbles since it is empty
before you face me, gather data, conduct research
not rely on your emotions and no solid data to back up your information

okay? good if you got it,
if not, goodbye.
144 · Apr 16
nonsense
An unheard explanation waiting to be heard is enough for an amount of silence traded for peace of mind.
Do we really need to know everything at all costs?
What costs us when we heard unspoken truth unfolding right before our very eyes,
heard by what our ears supposedly should not hear,
gives us pain and suffering in return.

maybe it is better to let it be.
known or unknown.
heard or not
seen or not
tangible or intangible.
does it matter? or does it not?

questions are quite tricky that was stuck in the corner of my mind
is it worth it or is it not?
to be or not to be? that is the question.
maybe Shakespeare seems to be offended of me for stealing Hamlet's dialogue
just like this poem, I intended to write it
to let my mind wander free here on Hello Poetry

sometimes, I consider myself as a cloud.
I am quite emotional. I cry a lot.
I am softhearted and sensitive.
I hate it. I go soft for things that are sincere.
I hate petty things to be fought over.
I love music, I love poems and songs
in short, I love literature.

it feels like I am stuck in a wrong era, in a wrong world
in a wrong generation, in a wrong century
everything in my life feels so wrong.
142 · Mar 27
realization
Why do people overthink a lot during midnight? —Everything hits different at midnight.

To answer that, Yes.
If I am one to overthink during midnight,
I tend to ask myself with what ifs and whys...

What if this is not the right path for me to take?
What if I am not pretty enough for him?
What if he will fell out of love from me?
What if I am not enough for him?
What if he was waiting for someone to arrive?
But at first, I was the was the easy one so that made him stay.
Why was I feeling like I am never going to be good enough for him?
Why is he like that?

I tend to overthink a lot before,
I slept late and woke up early.
Yes, I still exist up until today.
Yes, I am still alive and breathing until today.
But not anymore.

That old habit of mine died,
the day I met my partner.
All of my whys and what ifs were already answered now.

Because he gave me a lot reassurances that I am enough for him alone.
And that is much better.
141 · Aug 2023
Adrian. (11-9-21)
I think he already knows
Because I told him so
He just took what I said for granted
I thought I was all that he wanted

Ooh, I lost myself
Chasing after you
I lost myself
Looking for you

But then, you just ignored me
Yet you just seem uninterested in me
Oh, you wanted me to be
I never wanted to be

But I never lose you
You lost me
I never lost you
Cause you just let me

Go, oh, let me go
Oh, Adrian
You just let me go
Oh, Adrian
I honestly don’t know where to start.
I don’t know which of the many thoughts troubling my mind I should talk about first. But there’s one thing I’m sure of—I need to lay this all out.

Let me begin with a question:
“Is it always going to be Ate?”

Is it always going to be Ate who has to adjust?
The one who’s always given the chores in this family?
This and that—reasons I no longer know if they’re even valid. But sure, fine, I’ll agree. Just to end the conversation. So we don’t have to drag it out any longer.

Is it always going to be Ate who sacrifices for the family?
Is Ate the only one who thinks of how to save money, how to prioritize what’s important—not luxuries, not personal wants, but you?
You first. I’ll be the last.

Is it always Ate who has to be the one to forgive and humble herself?
The one who takes on the responsibility, who does all the housework?
I know—I have siblings. But why does it always have to be me who moves first?
Why am I the only one who will take the initiative?
The one who thinks of what to cook?
Who does the laundry, washes the dishes, cleans the house?

I know it all by heart. You don’t even need to remind me. I don’t need to be told.
But what about you?
What happens if one day, our parents are no longer here?
What if we, siblings, were the only one left?

Will Ate still be the one who teaches and disciplines you?
Back when I was your age, I was already aware of my responsibilities.
But now, what’s happened?
It’s like you’re being swallowed whole by your screens. There’s no initiative. No concern for your surroundings.

Maybe you’ve forgotten—Ate is human, too.
I’m not a robot. I wasn’t made just to follow orders.
I get tired. I get hurt.
I have feelings, too.

I hope you understand that.
That I also have my own life to attend to.
I’m not a servant who exists to follow commands.
I don’t need to be paid to do what you ask, because no amount of coins or rest will ever truly give me the break I’ve been longing for.

Tired? I can endure that. I can survive with only a few hours of sleep. I can juggle work. But what did I get in return? I got sick. I lost an adrenal gland, and no amount of money you hand to me can make up for that.

Exhaustion and sleep deprivation? I had to deal with both. Instant noodles and barely any nutritious food—that’s what nearly killed me. Coke and coffee replaced my water. Watching over our sick grandmother became my daily routine.

It’s not that I don’t know how to be thankful.
It’s not that I’m ungrateful or that I don’t have a sense of debt for what you’ve done for me.
The debt I carry in my heart for a lifetime can’t be repaid with silver, gold, or money—
But with lifelong honor and respect, for bringing me into this world and for raising me. For never abandoning me.

You never heard me complain.
You never saw me throw a tantrum.
You never heard me explain or reason out—because deep down, I know your minds and ears are closed if ever I try to express how I feel.

I understand. I know you get tired too.
But my exhaustion is different.
No amount of sleep, pillows, or beds can fix this.
Because sometimes, even in sleep, my mind is still noisy.
The only cure I long for in my aching solitude is peace, silence, and the shore. That’s all I want.

That’s all for now.

With love,
Ate :)
140 · Apr 28
poker for a soul
The only games I play are the ones you won’t— not for lack of skill, but fear of a fair fight.

No sleight of hand, no silver-tongued deceit, no victory stolen in the dark.

So, play true, or don’t play at all.

So take your best shot. I know you thrive in poker, where the stakes are built on bluffs and the win lies in sleight of hand.

But I don’t play at the table. I don’t sit and exchange pleasantries with hypocrites— the ones who wear virtue like a mask, saints when you’re watching, but serpents when you turn away.

Their whispers weave rumors, their tongues sharpened with lies. Smiles in daylight, daggers in the dark.

I don’t play their game. I don’t sit. I don’t bow. And I don’t break.
I take my aim at the target, pull back the string, steady the breath, and send my victory straight to the center— no gamble, no guess— just a bull’s-eye.

Because even the devil plays this ******* game to claim your soul. But I, on the other hand, plays fair by deeds and redemption, forgiveness and having constant communication, faith and belief in God. Only he is deserving of claiming my soul.
My cousin is an atheist which he never believes in God. He believes more in the devil. My grandmother once practiced black magic and witchcraft. I just wondered why our home sometimes feels eerie. I tried to educate her when she was ill up until now, but she never listened, saying she has no sins to confess or mistakes to acknowledge.
139 · Mar 17
God
God
Praise the one who set me free—from everything that cages and shackles me.
It is God, who loved me and crowned me with flowers despite his crown of thorns
139 · Apr 19
est. 2000
one time, I remember
out of curiosity,
out of poverty,
soy sauce, oil and vinegar,
dried fish,
fried rice with egg,
cracklings,
instant noodles
were our viands
with rice, as the queen of every meal.

just to get by in life,
just to survive from hunger and thirst.
just to be alive for another day
and experience it once again
just like clockwork.

I could never demand before,
for how hard life is.
but now, with every privilege given to us
like a chance we could get,
every opportunity slipping by
we hastily chase over them.

for once in my life,
I could buy what I needed and wanted to
without asking for my parents' money
I earned my own and I hustle to provide

not knowing the history of how I made it this far
God only knows what I went through
which were so easier for others to conclude
too quick to judge
I hope you know what you were talking about
I hope you are not making a wrong impression
or wrong words to say, just to make your theories sound
plausible for audiences to hear

everything I went through,
every experience I had gone through
every face of unfamiliar people I met,
kind or not, trusted or not
ally or not
went behind my back to judge and backstab me
I thought that who I was to judge you
who I was to do revenge?
I am unworthy, in fact.
137 · Apr 12
Phew 🔫
I go bullet for bullet, blow by blow
But it doesn't have to end that way—
I want katana to katana, arrow to arrow
But never mind.

Let's be civil about it.
I intend to be more composed than react about it.
Waste my strength for a nonsense person over a nonsense, petty matter.
I never know. We never did.

Did you see me ******* stutter? or joke around?
Nah, I don't think so.
136 · Aug 2023
AC <3 AD (10-15-21)
I like it when you smile
I get so happy
When you talk to me
Even just for a while

You remember little details of me
Your Mom was so much closer to me
I wonder how you would feel
That this feeling I feel is real

I have prayed so hard to God
That You would come along my way
I knew it was the will of God
For me to hear you say

Just stay, stay here with me
Even just for today
I want you to see
That you're the only one for me

Your eyes were like stars
Look how they shine so bright
When you look at me
When you stare at me

Your voice is like an angel I long to hear
Right now, I wish you were here
Who knows what I fear?
To slip you away, my dear

It was like my whole world's already in front of me
It was like my answered prayers' already in front of me
You are like a distant star
Look how you shine so bright

Save me, save me from drowning
I'm slowly falling
Falling deep into you
Falling deep into an ocean of love

And I am deeply in love
Deeply in love with you

I'm afraid to lose you
Even though you're not even mine
But I'll be fine
It's just that I am missing you

Every love song reminds me of you
Loving you was like breathing
But never interested enough to stop breathing
Cause every beat of my heart is calling you
135 · May 4
Paalam
Hindi ako ang taong hinahanap mo, at siguro, hindi rin ikaw ang taong akala ko noon na kailangan ko.

Oo, nagbago ako— at alam kong iyon ang hindi mo matanggap. Pero kailan ba naging kasalanan ang pagbabago? Bakit kailangang may masisi? Bakit kailangang isa sa atin ang may sala?

Ang "tayo" noon ay tila isang kwento na sinimulan natin nang may galak, ngunit natapos nang walang malinaw na wakas. At kahit gusto **** isipin na isa lamang itong kwento ng paglimot, alam **** hindi lang iyon ang nangyari.

Alam **** may mga sandali na kahit magkasama tayo, ang isip ko ay lumulutang, naghahanap ng ibang daan, ibang kapiling. At alam **** kahit anong sakit ang maramdaman mo ngayon, walang balikan, walang paliwanag na sapat para burahin ang katotohanang iyon.

Kung ang paglayo ko ang naging dahilan ng pagguho mo, hindi ko na iyon mababawi. Pero huwag **** isipin na ginawa ko ito upang sirain ka. Dahil hindi ko kailanman hinangad ang bumitaw sa bagay na minsan kong pinahalagahan.

Pero minsan, ang isang tao ay hindi talaga itinadhana upang manatili. At minsan, ang pagmamahal ay hindi sapat upang hindi hanapin ang iba.

Hindi kita pinagkaisahan, hindi kita ginamit, hindi kita iniwan nang walang dahilan. Nagbago ako, nagbago rin ang nararamdaman ko. At hindi kita ginawang laruan— pero hindi ko rin kayang ipilit ang isang bagay na nawala na.

Ikaw ang naglingon pabalik, habang ako naman, tuluyan nang lumakad palayo. Hindi dahil gusto kong makalimutan, kundi dahil alam kong wala nang dapat pang balikan.

Hindi ko na hihilingin na intindihin mo ako. Hindi ko na pipilitin ang sarili kong magpaliwanag pa sa iyo, dahil sa dulo, hindi naman kailangang lahat ng bagay ay may paliwanag.

Matagal ko nang alam ang nararamdaman mo, matagal ko nang alam ang hinanakit na hindi mo kayang bitawan. Pero kung ako ang nagpasyang lumayo, ikaw rin naman ang matagal nang hindi nagawang manatili.

Kung ang huli nating usapan ay isang paghuhusga, isang pagsisi, isang hanapan ng dahilan— siguro, ito na ang huling sagot ko sa iyo.

Hindi ko na kailangang lumingon pa. Hindi ko na kailangang ipaliwanag pa kung paano ako nakahanap ng iba, kung paano ako tuluyang nawala kahit sa harapan mo pa lang.

Wala na rin naman kahit na balikan, wala na ang tamis nung ika’y nahagkan, at sa huling paalam, naintindihan na sa ating dalawa, may ibang nakalaan.

Wala na tayong “tayo.” At kung iyon ang katotohanan, matagal ko nang natanggap iyon.

Sa pagkakataong ito, hindi ko na kailangang lumingon pa. Paalam.
135 · May 4
can't
Nice try, you can't hurt me
With a single blow, once or twice
I've done that, experienced that
A couple of hundred times
I ain't coming from the wake & bake family
I need no cannabis to smoke,
I breathe the smoke they puff in
I breathe it in like an air freshener
I breathe it out like a toxic waste
You know me don't you?
Only by my name, not the real me.
133 · Mar 7
life
If life weighs you down
Bring yourself up once again;
133 · Apr 6
a$$hole
Don't scare the **** out of me now—Because I might send you back to where you actually came from.

You thought a little kiss and tell would hurt me—Nah. I was never wired for that. I was programmed like I am some kind of robot, but they failed to do so. You see, I am not easily brainwashed by anyone.

You thought I need you, no. You need me. Period. I don't need anything less ******* coming from you, you got something you need from me—and that's it.

A little debt of gratitude can help you get by—but it seems that paying you for a lifetime comes with a price. An unpaid debt doesn't always work like that, honey.
133 · Oct 2020
Blessing in disguise
One-sided love, he’s not my first
I’m the devilish one, he’s the angelic burst
Different yet the same,
Every time he whispers my name.

It must be bad karma,
What I did to everyone before
That’s why I walk alone—
But I’m not lonely,
I’m alive with a strange, quiet joy.

Perhaps this is good karma,
He’s my blessing in disguise,
Maybe the angel who drifts from the skies.

No horns adorn me,
No thorns crown my head
No halo hovers above—
I’ll simply say hello.

No wooden staff to guide me,
No golden calf to worship,
No wings to lift me above the clouds,
Yet I’m happy enough to weep.

I cannot part seas,
Cannot reach the farthest shore,
Cannot cross oceans or tread on water,
Cannot perform miracles.

But I hope you’ll see,
I am not who I was before,
I drifted like the wind for a time,
And the oracle whispered of this hour.
132 · Apr 28
🌞⛈️
To my partner during sunny days,
We will always be happy together.
But when storms may come, waves may rise and the sunny day may hide behind the stormy clouds
We never understood each other based on the noisy banters we throw at each other.
You gaslight me of things I never said, manipulate me of things I never did
Worse of all, I never understood myself during the anxieties of the weather
Life was too short to come by,
time too limited to be wasted
I never noticed the tears that fell from my eyes
When my heart was too heavy to carry the hurt and burden I felt deep within me
My mind bursts into chaos
Too stressed to overthink of things in life we have no control of
Promises are only inside our palms, curled empty-handed
Color me intrigue of the stuffs I used to do
And cutting my hair has become a habit of mine
To relieve stress...
We never know the whole story
We knew they both had a history
I only know the gist of it
But the mariteses cannot get over with it

Feeling victim for clout
They probably know by now what it was all about

He was a charming young man
While she was a selfish and materialistic woman
He only wanted to give, to love
But he was killed out of mercy, out of hate or love

Saving yourself while killing someone you love
They both seem to know what they need to shove
Forget everything in an oblivious way
An unforgivable menace comes along your way

You should be careful by now about the way you acted or behave
But that doesn’t mean you will be saved
Your days are counted but out-numbered
But you felt guilty, feeling encumbered

Consider yourself lucky for making it out alive
Choosing yourself to be alive just to survive

Yeah, because you prolly should have known by now
It is not what god wanted, but something that evil allows
You are the bait in someone’s hook
I hope you let yourself off the hook

Your asukarera de papa is not almighty
Because shiny things are not all shiny
They might blind you; it was indeed too good to be true
Some are pretentious to reassure, while some are real and pure

You’re the prey of the hunter
Feeling like an undercover
Everything was yet to be discovered
Not gonna happen that a lifeless interest was left to be unexplored

You were the precious bunny in his tantalizing eyes
At that time, the spirit of jealousy was on the rise
They said he was in a higher-being position
He got a family, a wife and four children

Hence, He got distracted in the beautiful garden of Eden
But the mistress and the * were in an awkward juxtaposition

But he was not a god, nor was a saint
He was handling any issues like a brief feint
He blamed god for everything else
He was feeling blessed, no more, no less

He said god was on his side
But as far as it gets interesting, the devil was his bride

Now you’re the target of the killer
This phenomenon was an indestructible thriller
He may have pocket knives, guns, arrows, ammo, name it
Best for you to forget or believe it

He marks the X on the spot
He left you there, lying on the streets to rot
He grinned so much now you’re gone
The mission was accomplished and done

But I hope you listened to me, but you never did
You gained so much of what you want to benefit

Millions of blood money were used in the wrong situation
Now that she got her decision, everything is in transition
Now you’re six feet below the ground
Now she's playing like a victim, feeling depressed that you're not around

She may be spending a lot to compensate for the pain
The trauma and the blame have left there in your mind, they remain
To lessen the pain and the burden
It doesn't make you any less golden

To lessen the sins, you have committed
Since you're so selfish, your sins were never admitted

It doesn’t matter if you visit him, any day, any night
You killed an innocent life, that's not right
From your selfish deeds, knowingly you have needs
You only think of yourself, self

You never should have bothered him in the first place
Now he was in a better place

He believed he was holy
But your soul is agonizing, deadly, slowly but surely
Holy enough to involve others
Flushing everything down the gutter

Tasked others to do the crime
It was not god's timing, but the devil's time
He thought he was protected by the saints and the gods
For the sake of their bad blood

He made religion his shield
Everything will be revealed
But makes evil schemes behind the church’s back
Your body and soul, later on, will be the hell's snack

The mastermind was his lover
He said he'll leave his wife for another
Felt guilty enough to care for the dead
Now you're a famewhore, a memer, your issues spread

But it’s too late, stop pretending
You never loved him, you were only good at pretending
You used him many times, **** him all you want
But you were not so nonchalant

Clinging unto your asukarera de papa for money and fame
By simply calling and talking to him, he can sense you are no longer the same

Spoiling you for getting everything
He is such a scary thing
You even fooled yourself about him wanting you
He is just ******* you, getting your nerve out of you

You got the nerve to keep asking him
Singing him praises and hymns
Visiting his tomb, telling him, you'd wish him to be your groom

You never thought of him even once or twice
Now they've pressed you for charges, no running away now
It's time to pay the lifetime price
You've been a spoiled brat, somehow

They said you keep buying him useless things
Now, seeing him in a tux, lying in his casket, unattached strings


But later on, when you feel sad and depressed, it gets funny
You traded his soul for the money
Don’t you know what power it will bring to the world?
Chaos and death are unfurled

You may be pretty and angelic
Being a ****** suit you but not being dramatic or sympathetic
But whom the **** knows what your mischievous attitude and behavior did to him
You were the best actress in the show, trying to fit in the show to look like a film

His worth never meant something to you
Now that you got the best view
His worth is just a dime that fell on the floor
You are not that worth it anymore

A lot of people believed though
You kept on faking it though
You got the nerve to chill and swim in the sea
They labelled you as the pokpok ng *
*, you see

You got the audacity to sleep, eat and work
Well, the best reaction is just to smirk
After the incident, after what you’ve done to them
Now you've got the hellish realm, to protect yourself from them

After what you’ve done to the bereaved family
Until further notice, you were no longer in fantasy

What lies ahead, what lies behind and what lies beyond it all
They will surely blame you all
You never deserve the best girlfriend award, wildcard
But she was ignored, they implored

They only want to give you the trophy you deserve, it was a catastrophe
She treated his family nastily

He was never released or in peace
But let's pay our respect to the deceased
His soul was in misery, in restlessness
I guess you seem relentless

Say your comforting and doubtful prayers
Come and show everyone your crocodile tears
Telling everyone your lies and faking a smile
Just before everything was settled, even the error and trial

Though reminiscing those memories, he left behind
But everyone seems to turn an eye so blind
Your eulogy was only a show
Everyone knows the truth but still, they went to go on with the flow

Whereas hiding your true feelings, feeling glad
Behind the curtains, you tell everything to your sugar dad
While everyone cried their heart out, their eyes were bawling
Got no sleep, tired of overthinking

What do they call you?
You’re a ******* *****, home-wrecker, concubine
Mistress, *****, *******, harlot
That is what they call you
I mean, now that's a lot

Pretend to your daddy, and tell him your intention
Your soul is hungry for love and attention
You're no brainer, just a dummy
Whose soul is thirsty for money

Your soul started agonizing in pain
It is nothing that your self-gain
You are alive but felt hellish guilty as ****
Wait till god plucks your life like a wasted duck

You mask your motives
Thus, everything in this issue we bet seems explosive
You ask for sympathy to gain self-esteem
**** your life, your dream

You do not want to 'fess up to yourself
Hiding the truth like a book on its shelf
You always mess up with everyone’s family
Your foul words are profanity, what you did was an act of inhumanity

You are the mastermind from the beginning to the end of time
You came to his tomb, confessing and repenting your sins from time to time
He keeps visiting you in your dreams
Quit that routine, you're no longer his queen

Asking for mercy and peace of mind
But you never mind
You never thought of loving him was the best thing you ever did
You're a one skilled ***** after all, as fulfilled

How come you **** up and never listened to your conscience
Now you have to face the consequences.
The most trending ****** case in The Philippines
130 · Mar 7
revenge
Revenge is not yours to begin with,
Your pain and emotions are valid
But what you're planning to do is invalid.

Play your cards right.
130 · May 18
Love is you.
A quiet magic,
an unexplainable euphoria—
a celebration without end.

It is choosing you,
again and again,
in every sunrise and every storm.
A thousand times over,
in every lifetime,
I choose you.

Through the highs and the hollows,
through every bend of this winding path,
I will hold your hand.

Love is the place I return to—
even when it aches,
even when it asks more than it gives.
Even through tears,
even through trials,
I will find you there.

You are my favorite decision.

And when the world grows loud and uncertain,
when chaos presses in,
I will find my silence in your arms.

Until the end—always—
I will be yours.

Your smile outshines the whole of the world.
It is my compass, my calm, my clarity.

They said love is not always a steady flame—
that it flickers, that it falters.
There will be doubts,
there will be silence,
and some days will feel worn and distant.

But even then—
especially then—
I will choose you.

Not just in the brilliance of love’s bloom,
but in the hush,
in the heavy,
in the ordinary.

Because love is more than a feeling—
it is a vow,
a respect,
a quiet promise that endures.

Even when the heart trembles,
even when the sky darkens—
I will choose you.
Always.
130 · Apr 29
mistakes
When you made a mistake, others will have the right to define some meaning behind that mistake?

If yes, that is what my family always did to me.

I cheated once with my partner, although I made a bad reason to breakup with him
And the guy I cheated with, has a girlfriend
He betrayed me into telling my mother about what happened to us,
He spread rumors about me, which also made my mom angry at me at the same time

After that, she scolded me. Told me I was a flirt for flirting on other boys and cheating on my ex-boyfriend.
My ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I didn't know who or when it happened,
It just happens that I didn't know about that incident and he never got caught.
A friend of mine told me that since they were classmates, she saw my ex out with someone new after a week of breaking up with him.

My life was so ****** up.
Someone wise once said, "mistakes do not define you"
We really have no right to define them badly about their mistakes
We did not know what happened. Who are we really to judge that person when we do not even walk in the same shoes as his or hers.
We have no right to be rude about them.
Their mistakes defined them as imperfect people. We all are imperfect people but remember that God loved us so much, he sees through us and our imperfections but he never judged us.
130 · Apr 18
Marlon's blues
He was all seven of the deadly sins
but he made me a villain for everyone to see
that there is a little bit of devil
hidden in my angelic innocent eyes

like pride, I'd swallow you whole
spit you because you're lukewarm
said he, "you'll be the death of me"
I smirked and spot with my little eye
to tell you a white lie
"I am the ruin of you"
does it scare you now?

watch everything you built
crumble down
I did everything
in my power
to destroy everyone
who stands in my way.

I was once young and naive,
to tell you, frankly
I thought birds can fly
without its wings
locked in a cage
full of broken dreams
and opportunities passing by.

I plead for help
every whip and blow
is pain and bruised
all wounded up
I'd **** for you
but don't **** me in return
put me in a sack,
smoke and burn me
bang my head against the wall
I hope I healed my inner child

I was cruel to the world,
bitter for everyone to see
my ****** heart all melted
for someone so softhearted.

bad monsters never looked like monsters
sometimes, a monster holds a rooster
put under the influence
smoke ****, cigarette and drink to sleep
he breeds violence, breeds selfishness and greed
watch the world burn
or watch yourself lie in your sarcophagus
deep within your catacomb
a diary of a physically abused man
130 · Apr 16
Holy Week reflections...
Our debts have been paid by Jesus, and our sins are forgiven.

So, who are we to withhold forgiveness from those who have wronged us? As Jesus taught, we should forgive not just seven times, but seventy-seven times—a testament to the boundless nature of grace and mercy.

We forgive even if forgiveness is never sought. We don’t forgive for redemption—we forgive because we, too, are sinners, imperfect human beings. Forgiveness is not something we do because it’s commanded of us; we forgive out of our own will, for our peace of mind.

Time doesn’t truly heal wounds—they remain, just as memories do, including the painful ones. Time doesn’t let us forget, but forgiveness allows us to find peace within ourselves. If others cannot forgive us, let it be. What matters is that, within our capacity and without expecting anything in return, we chose to forgive.

During Holy Week, fasting goes beyond physical discipline; it's a time to nourish the soul. Feed your spirit with calm and peace, with uplifting thoughts and moments of relaxation. Abstain from distractions, and devote yourself to prayer, seeking God’s guidance and protection.

By doing so, you strengthen your heart against the devil’s trickery and deception, ensuring you remain steadfast in faith and truth. It’s not just a period of sacrifice, but a meaningful journey of spiritual growth and renewal.
I do not mind being a villain in your story. Let the pages call me wicked, cruel, the darkness you fear.

For you are a clown in mine, juggling lies and hollow gestures, a spectacle that entertains no one but yourself.

I do not mind being a witch in your story either. Call me what you will, label me, mock me, paint me as the nightmare you dread.

For you are a puppet on a string in mine, dancing to your own foolishness while thinking the world bends to your whim.

Whatever you throw at me returns—tenfold, precise, inevitable. Whatever malice you craft in secret boomerangs straight back to you.

Do not curse at me. Do not spit your envy in my direction. Karma, that quiet and relentless force, will handle it.

I am patient. I am quiet. I am the eye of the storm you never see coming, the calm that hides the coming reckoning.

Your insults, your whispers, your envy—they are nothing but echoes in a cavern where I am the only presence that matters.

I do not need your approval. I do not need your applause. I am the story you cannot control, the narrative that refuses to bend beneath your lies.

I do not fight for recognition, nor for revenge. I fight for myself, for clarity, for the elegance of knowing who I am.

I smile quietly, the smirk of inevitability curling at the corners of my lips—not joy, not malice, but the knowledge that all will be revealed in time.

Your clownish antics amuse me. They teach me. They show me exactly what I refuse to be.

I watch. I measure. I allow your poison to linger, heavy in the air, before it returns to its sender, multiplied.

I am the shadow in the corners of your mind, the whisper behind your shoulder, the echo of your conscience you pretend not to hear.

You think you control fate? You think you can shape reality with your small hands? I move with a purpose you cannot see.

Do not curse me. Your spells are weak, your intent hollow. The universe bends to justice, not your malice.

Each curse you cast returns, multiplied, as if the heavens themselves are laughing at your hubris.

I am the calm before the storm, the smirk on lips that no one dares cross, the patient force that watches while the world collapses around fools.

I do not bend for comfort. I do not bow for approval. I do not soil my hands with the dirt of your envy.

I am the shadow that lingers long after the laughter has died, the quiet storm no one notices until it is too late.

You will continue to juggle your lies, but I have no hand in your tricks. I watch, calculating, waiting, knowing the weight of your deceit will fall.

I do not chase closure. I do not demand apology. I do not wait for recognition from those who will never understand me.

I am soft-spoken. I am still. I am deliberate. Every glance, every silence, every smirk is a choice, a lesson, a warning.

You can label me villain, demon, witch, misfit—whatever suits your fear. I embrace it. It is freedom, not condemnation.

For in your story, I am the nightmare you cannot escape. In mine, you are a farce, a folly, a reminder of how easily truth can be hidden beneath laughter.

You dance on stages built from arrogance, thinking the world applauds. I watch, silent, noting every stumble, every misstep.

I do not need to fight. I do not need to argue. I do not need to explain. My life, my path, my peace—they exist beyond your reach.

Your strings are tangled. Your puppetry fails. I do not pull them—you do, unknowingly, against yourself.

Let them whisper about me in fear or disgust; I am already beyond the reach of their petty judgments.

I am the storm that passes quietly, leaving ruin unnoticed until it is too late.

Your envy is a candle. I am the wind. You burn yourself while I watch, untouched.

I am patient. I am deliberate. I let your malice collect, weigh, and return to you exactly where it belongs.

I am soft-spoken, but my silence is a weapon. My calm is a force. My smirk is a reminder that every action comes with consequence.

I am the quiet inevitability, the reckoning you refused to see, the shadow that never leaves.

Call me villain, witch, misfit, storm—I do not mind. I am free. I am unshakable. I am untouchable.

You are the clown, the puppet, the fool, and yet you strut like a king, blind to the truths you cannot see.

I do not mind. Let the story paint me dark, let it whisper my name in fear. I am the calm, the storm, the shadow, and the smirk waiting at the edge of your world.

And in the end, every curse you cast, every malice you harbor, every string you pull—it finds its home, tenfold, in the story that is yours alone.
Know when to leave the table. That’s the first rule they never teach you. Sometimes, the people around you don’t deserve your time, your voice, your presence. You linger too long, hoping for gratitude that will never come. And in the process, you lose pieces of yourself.

When respect is no longer served, when loyalty is shallow, when intentions are crooked, you owe it to yourself to walk away. You do not negotiate with indifference. You do not barter with someone who cannot see your value.

Remember the night of the Last Supper. Jesus sat at the table, breaking bread with His disciples. He knew one would betray Him. Judas was there, smiling, nodding, pretending. Yet Jesus did not chase him. He did not plead. He merely acknowledged the truth. “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me” (Matthew 26:21). That awareness did not weaken Him—it prepared Him.

Sometimes you must prepare yourself the same way. Recognize the betrayal before it fully lands. Know the people around you who will stab in silence, who will take advantage of your generosity, your kindness, your patience.

You do not need to fight for crumbs while others feast. You do not need to shrink yourself, dim your light, or silence your voice so others can feel comfortable. Your dignity is not negotiable. Your value is not up for debate.

Some will act as if your patience is weakness. They will test you, **** you, see how far they can push before you snap. But you are not a toy. You are not a placeholder. You are not an option.

Sometimes the bravest act is silence. Sometimes the strongest act is leaving without looking back. Let them wonder why you’re gone. Let them feel the absence they never valued. Let them sit with the emptiness they created.

Jesus knew betrayal would happen, but He didn’t stop living. He didn’t let Judas’s intentions define Him. And neither should you. Let the ones who betray you reveal themselves fully, so you know exactly what you’re walking away from.

Walking away is not cowardice. Walking away is clarity. Walking away is strength disguised as silence. It is the quiet assertion of your worth, a refusal to settle for less than you deserve.

Some people will accuse you of abandoning them. Some will claim you’re too proud or too sensitive. They will try to guilt you back into the chaos. But the truth is simple: you have merely chosen survival over drama, self-respect over manipulation.

Do not linger for explanations that will never come. Do not wait for apologies that will never be offered. Respect is not granted by words—it is earned, and when it is absent, it is no longer yours to negotiate.

Sit at tables that recognize your value. Sit where your voice matters. Sit with people who understand that your presence is not a given, but a gift. And if those tables do not exist yet, stand anyway. Walk anyway. You will find them eventually.

Some betrayals hurt deeply because you believed in someone who didn’t deserve belief. That pain is proof that you are human, that you care, that you love. But it is also proof that you are wise enough to recognize when the table is poisoned.

Do not be afraid to leave quietly. Do not feel guilty for stepping away. Sometimes, walking out is the only way to preserve your integrity, your sanity, your heart.

When you step away, walk tall. Walk unshaken. Let the absence of your presence speak louder than anything you could ever say. People notice when respect is gone, even if they never admit it.

You cannot force loyalty. You cannot manufacture gratitude. You cannot demand kindness. All you can do is honor yourself, and sometimes, that requires walking away.

Remember, even Jesus knew when to face the betrayal and when to accept it. Even He knew that some would never recognize His value until it was too late. There is power in that knowledge. There is peace in that clarity.

So leave the table. Leave the arguments, the manipulation, the empty apologies, and the hollow smiles. You do not belong there anymore. You never did, not really.

And when you walk away, carry your head high. Carry your heart intact. Carry the lesson that some people never deserved a seat at your table, and that is not your failing—it is theirs.

Know your worth. Protect your soul. Walk away from those who do not see your light. And when they finally realize, it will be too late. Because you have already chosen yourself.
127 · May 24
God is...
I met God in the quiet corners of my room
I met him in my most sad and low energy moments
I met him when I am alone and lonely
I met him when I am depressed
I met him through his still voice
He is within me, so I will not fail.

I realized that I can do the impossible things
Because God made the impossible things possible
So put your faith and worry in him, Do your best because God will do the rest.

God is the author of my success. The author of my triumph and victory. My alpha and omega.

AYNA DENISSE MESTIO MONCENILLA, LPT
Batch May 23, 2025
127 · Mar 27
God
God
"It's your breath in our lungs"
"When you still breath in your lungs, you are not yet done"

How great are you Lord!
Cut it, rip it apart—
That is how I want to end you.
You and your "Dora" bangs are quite unpredictable to begin with.
Insult me, and I bite back;
I won't think twice before breaking your wings.

Go easy on me now, or else
You'll never blink twice when your fate ends here.

******, you say—
You're acting like it's happening just now.
Is your radar not working? Maybe you've lost all power to control me.

Look at yourself in the mirror—you see
I am no longer like you, dog.

Careful now, silver tongue. Hold that thought.
Our tongues have no bones—
But they break souls apart,
Like a thousand knives waiting to stab you.

Do you want that to happen to you?
I hope not, because I never even wished for it to happen anyway.

Let karma do its job, and I might clap back after.

I consider you the Helen of our family—
That face of yours launched a thousand ships,
Waiting to devour you.
125 · May 10
deck of cards
My personality is like a deck of cards—each one revealing a different facet of who I am.
The good cards are my victories in life, the ones that draw people to me despite my innocence and naivety.
They are the moments that allow me to forge connections, to befriend others, to navigate the world with hope.

But behind those cards lie the bad ones—the losses in the game, yet paradoxically, the wins in life.
They unveil the raw truths of existence, exposing the genuine intentions of the world and the shadows within my own nature. Perhaps many have never truly known me.
People recognize only the parts I choose to reveal, the carefully presented pieces of my story.
Yet they remain unaware of the silent battles, the unseen struggles I have endured.

How can someone claim to truly know me when all they have seen are the reels, the highlights, the fleeting clips of my life—but never the raw, unfiltered behind-the-scenes?

They witness the carefully curated moments, the victories, the laughter, the beautifully framed snapshots that fit within their expectations. But they don’t see the retakes, the silent battles fought off-camera, the exhaustion, the parts of my story too complex or too painful to compress into a mere clip.

To know me is not just to watch the performance, but to understand the struggles that shaped it.
It is to acknowledge the moments I didn't share—the doubts, the resilience, the quiet growth beyond the spotlight.

True understanding lies not in what is shown, but in what is felt beyond the frame.
What you see of me through social media is not real—the curated moments, the framed exposures, the glimpses tailored for the world to perceive.
The truth lies beyond the filters, beyond the carefully composed narrative.
So let me reshuffle my life however I choose.
Stop assuming you know everything about it when you don’t.
Stop implying that things will unfold a certain way, because they won’t—not like that, not how you expect.

My path is mine alone, shaped by choices only I understand.
The future is not predetermined, and what is “supposed to happen” will never be dictated by anyone but me.
So just let me be—let me exist as I am. I don’t need anyone to shape me, to define me, or to tell me how to move through life. I can get by on my own.

I know my path, my resilience, my own way forward. And that’s enough.

Toodles.
125 · Apr 3
📜✍️
I do not need a therapist—
Poetry is all I need.
Since it is my unpaid therapist;
Where the world's perspective of me is the contentment of my experience
Hence, Hello Poetry is my freedom wall, so to speak.
125 · Aug 2023
My moon (7-28-23)
The sky is breathtakin’
I feel like stargazin’
Capturing moments of you
Observing every move of you

Looking at your smile
While relaxing in the isle
I got this kind of healthy love
No one could ever get enough

When tough times arise
Like waves they fall or rise
Just know that I will always be here for you
I will always love you in all shades of you

I still want you
I still love you even if you hurt me
I still want you even if you are mean to me
Nobody’s perfect and we aren’t perfect, love
125 · Sep 14
Untitled
black curly hair, big brown eyes
tall, dark and handsome, fine man
he was my everything,
and he was mine and I am hers

we first met on social media
stayed late at night until midnight
until he fell asleep on me
I got mad though, but it was fine
I got a fling, but he never talked to me anymore
Instead, that guy invested his time on me

I only saw him as an older brother, at first
because he was the same age as my brother
we went on for a few more days, until he confessed to me
he said I love you first and I said I love you back in return

until we became a couple
we had our first fight, as if we were fighting trying to prove anything
we had our first date as a couple
we met in August of 2022 then
Little by little we started seeing each other,
Our bonding is always about eating
Have fun and stroll the city

In January of 2023, he met my family
I was busy with my internship
While he was busy with work
Until I graduated, we had our first cool off
A time to rest and take things off
Until we got back together again,
And opened our first business venture
And I rested from work, I was diagnosed with conn's syndrome

In 2024, I got my surgery and had my adrenal gland removed
I enrolled in review centers, took the board exam and passed it by May of 2025

We had our second cool off by 2025 of March,
But that time, I realized I wanna get married to you
You proposed to me and as we planned our intimate wedding
And the rest is history....

In our fun-filled love of three years and three months, our sole foundation of love is God.

I cannot wait to be your Mrs. Aquino ❤️
124 · Sep 2020
Far Away </3
I'm letting you go
I'm setting you free,
It's not you because it's me
I love you but this is goodbye;
I just want to let you know
I love you goodbye.

I never stopped loving you
It was you who chose to walk away,
I never stopped aporoaching you
It was you who went away;

I am so confused
Our set-up was so infused
That's why bridges should be burned
And tables should have turned

I am way too good for you
You are no good for me
You will just take me for granted
And then leave me unattended

Do I have to notice you first and aporoach you
Just to let you know that I will be here for you
But I won't be that girl any longer
Who would stay by your side forever

That's why I need to let go of your hand
I hope you understand
As i walk far away, I hope you close your eyes
And wipe away the tears falling from your eyes.
123 · Feb 24
snitch is back, bitch
Guess who's back, back again?
(snitch is back, snitch is back)
I've created a monster inside of me
no longer the pretty, petty and kind girl
I am tired from all of the drama
It's been distracting me, non-stop now
In oceans deep, I will not curse you
but I hope you drown, *****
When oceans rise, like lion roaring
You were the prey, he will devour
God knows and sees my pain, I know
you've been in pain too
but I can't stand your scandalous deals
bruh, "you are educated but scandalous at the same time"
I looked up to you, treated you as the G.O.A.T
but nah, instead, you are the literal goat
The scapegoat.
believed you were saved by a handkerchief with Latin prayers
you sold your soul to the devil
now you can't see me eye to eye
strongly believed, you did had a faith in the eye of Horus
but never believed in the power of our God, our personal savior and creator
you were dark, I was bright and pure
forgiven, point taken.
but i never forgot, honey
I do forgive, but what you did is never forgotten.

So, everybody, just follow me
'Cause we need a little controversy
listen now to what I am about to say

Snitch is back, *****
She rose form the grave
she never sleeps in hay day
and even back at night too.
black candles, lit
black and red roses, petals on the floor
caskets opened, unburied body
dead or alive
I never cared less of what I should be caring for
123 · Apr 16
she
she
cat got your tongue?
her tongue is venomous when triggered,
her tears are her serum
she might rip your heart, when she speaks harshly without thinking
experience is her best teacher
scared of a little threat? nah. all her life, she is living in a threat
you can't scare her, she might taunt you
try it, point a gun on her head, she might do the favor and pull the trigger for you.
she is fearless when mad, don't test her limits.
she is kind when you are kind, rude when you are
don't be mad, she just mirrors what you do
scared to taste the bitterness of your own medicine?
she is just warming up, she was never in the exciting part yet
we were still here in the rising action, waiting for your fall like
of Babylon
if she wants to, she would...
like, she jumped out of the fence to run away
she ran away from home and never returned once again
she is a rebel but a softhearted one
she chose to be like that, for the cruel world is like that
123 · Apr 24
ghost
Tagalog version:
ang multo ko
ay
hindi isang tao
kundi, ito ay
isang alala ng pangarap kong
hindi natupad.
mga oportunidad na dumaan lang,
mga panahon na lumipas
at mga oras na nasayang
at napunta sa wala
mga pera na naigastos
sa walang kabuluhang bagay.
multo kung makapanakot, wagas
dito mo masusukat ang totoo
na minsan hindi multo ng kaluluwa
ang makakapag-nginig sa'yo
kundi multo ng kahapon.

English version:
My ghost is not a person, but a memory— a dream that never came true.
Opportunities that passed by; time that slipped away, hours wasted, spent on nothingness, money lost on meaningless things.
Ghosts can haunt with cruelty, and here, you see the truth— sometimes, it is not the spirit of the dead that shakes you to the core, but the ghost of yesterday.
122 · Mar 16
fckd.
The apple does not fall from its tree— commonly known as him. His mother was the same as him. He denied it, but the actions spoke for itself.

But I prefer, what made him as a story maker— adds and subtracts the information.

To gain sympathy and attention from his mother, he does that.
But my family lost its trust and loyalty towards them.
122 · Aug 2023
His Future Love (10-15-21)
I have loved you enough
Not to pursue you yet
Cause not all that I see
Is what I get

Oh, I don't want to regret
So, I'd rather forget

Ooh, the words you said
Keeps on messing in my head
Ooh, the things we both did
Keeps on running in my head

But if you would ask me
I would answer right away
I would be yours
I'd like to be called yours


Ooh, this time is ours
This love is ours
If you would ask me
I'll be here to stay
father, are you scared of your own kind?
maybe you forgot about it, perhaps.
let me refresh your memory for you...
I thought I was your favorite, your little innocent girl
but I was sexually abused, took advantage by a guy
after that, you disgust me
I thought you accepted me for who I was
but I was misunderstood.
are you afraid of me? you created the monster out of me,
and I am that monster you created
fear not. I am not a weapon.
I am not a murderer.
I am a child, seeking for attention and love. once.
who needs a gun when I can turn my pain into words,
I hope they bleed you, rip your heart apart
you left me in pain for a year and a half in a prison
because you cannot control me. not anymore.
you cannot brainwash me. no more.
you asked me, "how did this sweet girl grew up to be a heartless horrid creature?"
but I was never born, I was created. I was a monster by painful experiences.
"Go to hell" oh bruh, where did you think I came from.
"There is a devil among us" fear not. do not be afraid by your kind, you mirror me for I am not a devil, but a monster.
Alas! I am everything you cannot control. remember that.
because I was once a child, an unwanted child. begging for her parents a time, a dime and attention.
woe! a second child I was, the path I walk on is all bumpy and steep
never straight and easier to walk on
I remember all of them. I remember the ***** they said, the ***** they do. If I spoke too soon, I'd be in a mental hospital by now.
sane or not. this is the old me from years ago.
this is the old me from years ago.
everything in life is a phase. let that **** go
121 · Apr 19
hypocrisy.
Is this day any different?—
But why does it seem like this night is different from any other night?

Snakes, they crawl and slither their silver tongue
Devil, taunts and mocks you, tricks you
High priests, think highly only of themselves
Judas thought his dignity can be bought in 30 silver coins
Pontius Pilate assumes that washing of his hands can never be accomplices with  people, he was innocent but they taunt him.
Hypocrisy says otherwise, blasphemy is only for the weak
The proof is right in front of you, but you denied me three times.
It's the ungrateful people that betrayed Him was saved.
It is the truth they knew and heard but they deafened in silence.

A bad joke. It is not something to laugh at.
Plead guilty of something he never did.

A sinful man was freed, in exchange for the Son of God to be crucified by the mankind.
Where are your manners? Are you not grateful for the things he did for us?

To be saved from our sins. It is done. It is paid. You should realize it sooner or later that God's love is unconditional and amazing.
I am not mad. Just stating.
I have always wondered that when I speak up with whatever I feel right now, they seem too close-minded and never listen to what I say
They tend to make alibis or create reasons, criticize me badly.

But when I am silent, my silence speak for itself. They could easily understand my ****** reaction, my body language and how I am silent when they ask me.
121 · Aug 2023
PALANGGA (2-12-21)
Look at me, stare into my eyes and never look away
Hold my hand and hug me close
Then hear what I have to say
Love, it’s you I couldn’t bear to lose

I've been waiting for a long time
To be somebody's prayer
I have looked everywhere for a long time
But here you are now and you have answered my prayer

I can't find the right words to say:
How grateful I am of having you
You are God’s blessing and a living gift to me
To have someone like you

Through our ups and downs, you have loved me
And I am glad that you chose to stay

Some people search their whole lives to find what I found in you
And nothing's ever going to change the way I feel for you
Cause you gave me feelings I cannot put into words
But as they say action speaks louder than words

Cause a glimpse of you is all I ever yearned
I know your love is earned
But thank you, for making me feel loved
Because for me, you are enough to be loved

I still love you
I still miss you
I still want you
I still need you

Love me and look into my eyes
Cause love, you made me crazier all the time
Touch me now as I close my eyes
Cause I miss you all the time

You made me choose
Don't worry, cause you're the one I'd always choose

You’re the missing piece who'll complete me
And I have already found a love for me
Look at me and stare into my eyes and never look away
Hold my hand and hug me close then hear what I have to say
Be by my side, hold my hand and hug me close then stay with me
120 · Aug 2023
Angel of mine (2-22-21)
I was meant to be yours before we met
It's your face I don't want to forget
I have felt your presence everywhere
As I have looked for you in everything

It's your voice I long to hear
There's nothing left to fear
And you never left me cause you're always there
And this is such an unexpected meeting

The butterflies I have felt inside my stomach
Oh, I have loved you from the moon to the stars and back
From the time I wake up, it's you I always think of
Up to the time I go to sleep, you're the last person I'm praying for

It's you I always dream of
To be with forevermore
No matter what I do
No matter where I go

There's a smile drawn on my face
There's a constant happiness painted in my gaze

You are and will always be my angel
You are and will always be my only love
You are and will always be my priority
You are and will always be my only choice

How you loved to see me in the best angle
I can see it in your eyes, love
That I am more than a fantasy
That explains why I became your first choice

Angel of mine, Angel of mine
I love you; I miss you
Angel of mine, Angel of mine

Distance is just a matter of challenge we face
But always remember that my heart only belongs to you
From the time I met you up to the time that you're already mine
Cause I knew this feeling is real the second I saw you

And everything fell in its place
The way our souls intertwine
I can't promise to solve all your problems
But you won't have to face them all alone

Even if your life has hit rock bottom
You'll never be alone

I can't wait to wake up next to you every day
Be with you every single day
Please don't forget how much I love you so
I just had to let you know

Even if I never let it show
I hate to see you go
I was meant to be yours even before we met
And you were an angel of mine I’ll never forget
120 · Jul 31
Letters...
Lights low. A figure sits on the edge of a bed, voice soft, breaking, like glass under pressure.

Support.
It’s just a seven-letter word, right?
But to me… it feels like a hundred.
Each letter soaked in the weight of all the times I needed comfort
and got correction instead.

You say you support me.
But scolding came first.
Nagging came first.
The yap-yap-yap before I could even breathe.

Sometimes… I don’t feel it at all.
Because your actions—
they don’t match your words.

You said, “I’m here.”
But you weren’t.
Not really.
You were there to judge.
There to lecture.
There to remind me of everything I wasn’t.

And maybe that’s the truth people don’t like to say out loud—
Parents don’t really know their children.
Not the real version.
Not the bleeding, breaking, buried parts.

You think you know me?
You think I just use my phone for nothing?
To waste time?
Because I’m lazy?
You said I have no dreams…
no goals to chase.

But did you know I applied for work—
and got rejected?
No.
You didn’t know.
Because you never asked.
You just assumed.

You just told me I’m picky with jobs I want.
You didn’t know the struggles I went through.
Didn’t see the nights I stayed up rewriting resumes.
Didn’t hear the silence after every “we regret to inform you.”
You blamed me for your suggestions when they failed.
Like it was my fault they didn’t work.
You blamed the outcome without seeing the effort.
You saw the tears—
but you didn’t ask why they were falling.

You think you know everything.
Well, you’re wrong.

Did you know I got bullied in school?
Yes, I told you—once.
And you said, “Just let them be.”
Let them bully me?
Really?
Is that what support looks like to you?

Did you know I cried myself to sleep most nights?
No.
Because I made sure to cry quietly.
Because every time I showed weakness,
I got blamed for it.

And now…
I have a heart that’s enlarged.
A real condition.
A heart that’s sick,
because I cried in silence for so long,
my body started breaking
before you even noticed I was hurting.

Support?
You say it’s love.
But love that hurts like this—
isn’t love.

So I’m asking—
no, begging:

Can you love your child without yapping, please?
Can you hug her…
just hug her…
without a sigh,
without complaints?

Because she’s tired.
Not just her body—
her soul is tired, too.

Seven letters.
But for me…
it still feels like a hundred.

Support is... doing it without hesitations. not with lots of words to say.
I didn’t notice at first—
how the paper darkened
whenever my mind did.

How my hand obeyed the ghosts in my head,
spilling ink I never meant to pour,
turning every sketch into a dismembered memory
I could not bury.

I told myself,
“It’s just art.”

As I painted a black silhouette,
rope tight around the neck,
calling it “expression,”
but my mind whispered,
“This is how you feel.”

Tell me—
what kind of art strangles you
while you’re still alive?

I drew her lipstick smudged,
eyes screaming for help,
and said, “It’s just a concept,”
but it was me, wasn’t it?

Mascara running at 3 A.M.,
the mirror whispering,
“Wipe it off before they see you’re breaking.”

I painted limbs cut, bones broken,
stuffed her into a bag on the canvas,
called it “creative,”
but it was me, wasn’t it?

Chopping parts of myself
to fit into spaces I don’t belong,
breaking what won’t bend,
silencing screams in the back of my throat.

And when I toast to a goblet,
pour another bottle before bed,
I tell myself, “I’m just tired.”

But the wine is the only one listening,
nodding back in crimson reflections,
never telling me, “Don’t think like that,”
only hushing me to sleep
when I whisper, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I wish I could read between the lines,
match the types, connect the dots,
but I am the lines, the dots,
the smudges on every page I touch,
the type they skip over,
the dot they miss,
the line they don’t read.

So I draw my pain,
sing my sorrow,
dance with ghosts that cling to my ankles,
spin for them—
round and round and round,
until I’m dizzy enough to forget,
because it’s the only way I know how to breathe.

Funny thing is—
the saddest people give the best advice.
They know what to say,
they know the words you crave,
because they crave them too.

They don’t know I say those words
because I wish someone would say them to me.

So when you thank me for saving you,
remember: I was talking to myself.
Telling me to hold on, to breathe, to stay.

My art is not just art.
It’s a confession,
a silent scream hidden in brush strokes,
in shadows,
in black silhouettes.

It is a dismembered memory
on canvas, begging to be remembered,
begging to be seen.

And maybe—
just maybe—
one day,
someone will look at what I’ve drawn
and say, “I see you.”

And I will know,
I am not alone.
A longer version of dismembered memory
118 · Apr 17
hell no
It's not Hell if you like the way it burns, you're right. It comforts me. To see you suffer there. You never listened to me anyway. so, good luck finding your way back to let them forgive you.
118 · May 6
Little one
To my old little me,

When life weighs you down, stand firm—lift yourself up, plant both feet on the ground, and stay grounded.

We did not defeat them, and we will not reconcile with them.

To those who have hurt you, try to understand them. Maybe they're simply carrying too much, and their frustrations spilled onto you. Or maybe, they were never truly loved by their mother.

Enjoy your life there, old little me, for here, life presses down on me too much. I used to cry out loud, but now, when I am in pain, I weep in silence.

That’s when I realized— how painful it is to release all your sorrows in secret, covering your mouth so no one can hear you.

You end up crying everything out, because you are used to not being heard. And when you do speak up, it is always one-sided— they say you are just complaining. You keep thinking about how exhausted you are, but they compare their exhaustion to yours. And then they tell you that you have never truly suffered, so the moment you struggle even a little, they see you as weak—quick to surrender.

Sometimes, it feels disheartening to live in a world where pain seems endless. God has witnessed everything— the struggles, the weight of it all. The pressure I feel while searching for a job has made me realize how tough it truly is. It is no joke— at times, it is deeply frustrating.

So, old little me, wipe your tears. If you stumble on your journey, rise again—every time. Carry with you the proverb "Nanakorobi yaoki— "Fall down seven times, stand up eight."
117 · May 5
Matthew 14:22-33
22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.
23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone,
24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.
26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.
33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Matthew 14:22-33

Sometimes, when a storm enters our lives, we become consumed by its turbulence—
searching for solutions,
struggling against the waves—
forgetting to turn our hearts toward God.

When I was young,
I realized that the challenges we face,
the so-called "storms" of life,
are not meant to break us but to draw us closer to Him.
They are reminders that God is truly in control,
that His wisdom surpasses our understanding,
and that we need not carry the weight of worry alone.

To focus on God rather than the storm is to trust in His power and love through every trial.
But that trust should not be reserved only for difficult times—
it should become a habit,
woven into the rhythm of our daily lives.
Let our faith be steadfast,
not just in adversity,
but in every moment,
we are given.
116 · Aug 2023
bad habits. (10-25-2022)
I didn’t know why you got me so addicted to you
Your presence is all I ever yearned for
I’m not like this before
I was so in love with you

You made me feel like this
Crazier with you
You made me love you like this
Head over heels for you

You are my bad habit to break
You are both good and bad for my health
Your love is my wealth
You’re the best choice I make

You got me drunk in your love
It got me so in love
You got me intoxicated in your presence
It made me sad feeling your absence

It made me never wanna leave your side
Please make me your bride
I’d do anything to keep you mine forever
At least we’d be together

Got me addicted to you like a drug
Baby, your love is like a drug
115 · Apr 16
reminder of the day :)
"Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice," just like "You won't find the same person twice."

If life gives you a second chance, grab it. Don’t let it slip away, because the same opportunity might not come again. Use that chance to set things right, learn from the past, and give it your best shot.
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