I'm sick of my own mind
tired of being sad all the time
tired of never being able to sleep
and when I do it's never enough
One of these days I'm afraid
I'll  lay down and never get up

they give me meds but they barely work
and angry words only make it worse
I'd tell the truth but I'm too afraid
that those once kind eyes will fill with hate
I'm trying so hard I swear I am
but I'm too broken for you to understand

there's lines on my thighs that aren't easily explained
and I find it easy to ignore the hunger pains
I'm starving but I can't make myself eat
I  hate myself but love watching myself bleed
I say that I'm fine and put on a smile
But really I've been broken for quite a while

What the hell is wrong with me?

what if i cut too deep
and your heart begins to bleed
cuz I couldn't take it
so I thought I had to leave
what if you're losing sleep
cuz I'm not around
to give you something
something to dream about
what if I forget
the promise that I made?...
what if I'm not ok?

I'm breaking down
I'm freaking out
I'm losing control
of myself now
and I just don't know what to do...
why does this happen when I think of you?...

Today I looked in the mirror
and I didn't recognize
the face staring back at me
with its cold and tired eyes
purple bags and messy hair
didn't sleep too well last night
lying eyes wide open in my bed
with no ******* end in sight...

now my demons chase me in the dark
running through my ****** up head
screaming out the hurtful things
that some of you have said
no matter how much I try
I can't rid them from my mind
so i scream and scream but nothing comes out...

and it all just feels like...
I wanna live
but I wanna die
I'm trapped again
inside my mind
Just give a sec
I'll be alright
Just give me a minute
and I'll be fine
but if you really know me...
then you know I'm lying...

tossing and turning in my sheets
can't seem to catch my breath
sweat is pouring down my back
but I'm still as cold as death
close my eyes and count to ten
try to calm my thoughts
i left my heart wide open again
and i guess this was the cost

i hurt myself again tonight
tho i said i wouldn't
tried to make myself drop the knife...
but i just couldn't
and my parents won't stop yelling
they're fighting cuz of me
tho I know that I'm not worth it
i just wish that I could breathe...
and it all just feels like...

and it all just feels like...
I wanna live
but I wanna die
I'm trapped again
inside my mind
Just give a sec
I'll be alright
Just give me a minute
and I'll be fine
but if you really know me...
then you know I'm lying...

im not alright
i wanna be fine
just wish i could
shut off my mind
and get to the point
where i cross the line
and im okay again...
but will that ever happen?

and it all just feels like...
and it all just feels like...
I wanna live
but I wanna die
I'm trapped again
inside my mind
Just give a sec
I'll be alright
Just give me a minute
and I'll be fine
but if you really know me...
then you know I'm lying...

yeah thats what it feels like

Losing my mind right now
Grasping for control
But this time I won't win
I can feel it in my soul
The fog is taking over
The poison's taking hold
I could fight a little longer
But I already feel so cold...

Still, I listen for your voice
But this world is much too loud
How could I ever find
A single voice within a crowd?
You say I should be happy
And that makes me want to scream
You THINK my life is perfect
But things aren't always what they seem...

You don't know what really happens
What goes on behind closed doors
You don't see me fall apart
When I can't take it anymore
You don't know what's on my mind
You don't see behind my mask
Yet... I would tell you everything
If only... you would ask...

I don't know
who I am anymore
I think i was someone different once...
I had a purpose
I had a goal
but now I just feel stuck
I'm losing faith in myself
in the person, I aspire to be
losing touch with myself
and with reality
can't someone pull me back
from the ledge, I've perched upon?
remind me that the battle I fought
has already been won?
remind me that I'm not a bird
I can't just fling into the sky
remind me who I am?
exactly who am I?

If the crisp autumn leaves
that fall swiftly from the trees
can be swept away on an October breeze...
why can't I?

If the bluebirds chirping happily
ever-present in the morning sky
at any time they wanted to
could spread their wings and fly...
why can't I?

Inside of me, there's a raging fire
that urges me to soar ever higher
as it threatens to consume me with its flaming desire
and I ache to get away...

yet, when in my ear the call of freedom rings
and I begin to stretch my eager wings
like a kite, the world yanks on my strings
and again I'm forced to stay...

"Why must you pull me back to earth?!
Why must you clip my wings?!", I cry,
"What harm have I caused to thee
or crime have I committed to be
help captive here under lock and key
and left to watch the days go by?"

If I only had a single wish
I'd want to know not more than this...
if I wish for nothing more
than to spread my wings and fly...
then tell me why can't I?..."

please tell me... why can't I?

" Take a deep breath, smile, & know that you are enough."

Close your eyes
and take a deep breath
ignore all the voices
inside of your head
don't listen to a thing they say...

just pick your head up
and keep moving through
they don't know who you are
but honey-- I do
and i know that you'll be okay...

I know that you're scared
of failing to reach
the goals that they set...
who they want you to be...
but when it all gets to be too much...

just put on a smile
and let it all go
you'll make it, I swear
as long as you know
that what they think
doesn't amount to a thing
cuz you are more than enough

See that girl over there?
black hoodie? ripped jeans?
with her black lipstick,
you call her different
but if you looked behind the scenes...

then you'd know that all of it...
is just a mask that she wears
to keep her hands from shaking
so no one sees her breaking
cuz she feels like nobody cares...

and that boy in the corner?
who always sits alone?
he doesn't sleep most nights
and gets in a lot of fights
but if you saw how things were at home...

then you'd know that all of it...
is just part of how he deals
with the anger that burns deep
and doesn't let him sleep
and the pain & the heartache he feels...

still, you continue to judge
when you don't know all these things...
like the scars that she's hiding
the demons he's fighting
or how they ache to spread their wings...

you don't know the battles
that they go through every day
with the monsters deep inside
and the people in their life
who they wish would just go away...

and if you don't know...
then maybe you shouldn't treat them that way
you never know... the battles they juggle
or the way that they struggle
might be yours to go through someday...