I know you don't believe me anymore
but I still want to say it.
So, here goes... I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for letting you down, time after time.
I'm sorry for repeating the same mistakes, over and over.
I'm sorry for not trying hard enough to get straight A's.
I'm sorry for thinking that A's & B's were good enough.
I'm sorry for not having any common sense.
I'm sorry for being hard-headed & stubborn.
I'm sorry for being passive-aggressive without meaning to.
I'm sorry for not being mature enough for my age.
I'm sorry for breaking the rules.
I'm sorry for going through the fridge without permission and eating food that doesn't belong to me.
I'm sorry for occasionally taking things that aren't mine from around the house because no one uses them anymore.
I'm sorry that I'm not as angelic as my little sisters.
I'm sorry for all the headaches I've given you.
I'm sorry for all the fights I've caused between you and Dad.
I'm sorry for being a disappointment.
I'm sorry that I like to watch TV.
I'm sorry that I get distracted easily.
I'm sorry that you think I'm weird.
I'm sorry for how I look when I take a picture.
I'm sorry for having an uncontrollable habit that led to me creating scars all over my face.
I'm sorry for having depression and anxiety.
I'm sorry that I have ADHD that I don't know how to control.
I'm sorry that I don't fit in anywhere.
I'm sorry for spending 12 of my 16 years of life trying to make you as proud of me as possible, but instead making you count the days until my 18th birthday so I won't be your problem anymore.
I'm sorry for being a horrible person in your eyes.
I'm sorry that you think I'm heartless because I never cry in front of you.
I'm sorry that you think I don't care about anyone or anything.
But most of all,  I'm sorry that you think that this is actually who I am...

they think they know
what my life is like
but they don't sit here
listening to their parents' fight
praying for it to end
while they argue past midnight
trying  my hardest to pretend
that things will be alright
but knowing they won't
cuz you can't fix something
that was never even whole
to start with...
and when they do get along
you're not happy, you're scared
you hold your breath
and make sure to stay aware
cuz it never lasts long
and once they start they won't stop
so you sit and just wait
for the other shoe to drop...

" We need to stop raising boys to think that they need to prove their masculinity by being controlling or not showing emotion or by not being little girls." (-Gloria Steinem)

I'm tired of people saying
that boys should never cry
crying is part of feeling--
which we should never deny
boys can be hurt
and boys can bleed
and sometimes crying
is just something they need
it doesn't make them girly
or any bit less strong
it just proves they have a heart
so how can it be wrong?
if having a heart
and showing it means
that you're not good enough
or you're thought of as weak
then quite honestly
i really don't think
i'd like to be a part of
this society

I can feel it
it rips at the walls
around my heart
desperate to be let in
so it can tear me apart
it claws
at the doors of my mind
screaming its battle cries
determined to get in
it tries
and tries
and tries
not only my pain
but the pain
of a thousand different souls
each of them furtively
trying to become whole
everywhere I go I feel it
like a presence in the air
pain so great
and sorrowful
it brings one to despair
I feel it in the street
and
I feel it in the store
I only wish
I didn't have to
feel it anymore...


not one
but a thousand
my demons
your demons
and everyone's

See that girl over there?
black hoodie? ripped jeans?
with her black lipstick,
you call her different
but if you looked behind the scenes...

then you'd know that all of it...
is just a mask that she wears
to keep her hands from shaking
so no one sees her breaking
cuz she feels like nobody cares...

and that boy in the corner?
who always sits alone?
he doesn't sleep most nights
and gets in a lot of fights
but if you saw how things were at home...

then you'd know that all of it...
is just part of how he deals
with the anger that burns deep
and doesn't let him sleep
and the pain & the heartache he feels...

still, you continue to judge
when you don't know all these things...
like the scars that she's hiding
the demons he's fighting
or how they ache to spread their wings...

you don't know the battles
that they go through every day
with the monsters deep inside
and the people in their life
who they wish would just go away...

and if you don't know...
then maybe you shouldn't treat them that way
you never know... the battles they juggle
or the way that they struggle
might be yours to go through someday...

"It's okay to be a glowstick. Sometimes you have to break before you can shine."

you can call me names
you can make me cry
but all the things you do
only help me learn to fly

you can call me stupid
say I just don't got a clue
but you're the one who's clueless
of the things that I've been through

But go ahead & try to hurt me
I've got a secret you don't know
anytime somebody breaks me
like a glowstick, they make me glow

So just try to bring me down
go ahead and cross that line
and just like any other glowstick
you'll only make me shine

" Take a deep breath, smile, & know that you are enough."

Close your eyes
and take a deep breath
ignore all the voices
inside of your head
don't listen to a thing they say...

just pick your head up
and keep moving through
they don't know who you are
but honey-- I do
and i know that you'll be okay...

I know that you're scared
of failing to reach
the goals that they set...
who they want you to be...
but when it all gets to be too much...

just put on a smile
and let it all go
you'll make it, I swear
as long as you know
that what they think
doesn't amount to a thing
cuz you are more than enough