The art of not caring does not come easily to me
I constantly think about who I am and who I ought to be
I could think all day about what was and what’s about to come
I have spent days stuck in my thoughts,
there have been days when I got nothing done

The art of not caring is hard to master
I just spent hours thinking if I’m too slow,
should I go faster?

I care a lot, I care too much
About things too trivial and things too big,
I think about everything.
The spots on my face, the shape of my teeth.
The dress I wear, the way I speak.

I am in the middle of caring as I write this,
I heard someone talk on the phone,
They got the best paying job, with the best team, with the best firm.
I saw someone else post a picture about a party
someone was out on lunch with a friend,
I see everyone finding someone who cares about them

I sit here caring about things wondering if it’ll ever be any different.  
I care about myself, I care about my friends and I care about the world
In exchange, I get a feeling that I might be a loser.
I paint things nobody sees, I write words nobody reads,

I dread what I do, I dread what I don’t
I feel like I am always falling behind, I don’t even know what I want
The art of not caring is something I should learn
I would be happy with a B, I don’t need an A
If I carry pieces of caring too much with me,
I would be okay.

As much as I care about if I care too much,
and I want to let that go,
As much as I want to care less,
As much as I want to be someone else,
I hold on to it,
I keep caring.
It has taken me this far, It has stuck by me.
Maybe I was born with the art of caring deeply,
Maybe it will take me places meant for me.
Maybe I will live differently.

I don’t quite feel like myself.
I see it in everything I do.
I read the books I never do.
I enjoyed the songs I never do.
I just took notes about things I am averse to

I don’t quite feel like myself.
I smiled at something that made me upset
I didn’t have food when I was hungry,
I slept more than I usually do.

I cried when I usually don’t
I bailed on on my work when I usually don’t
I looked at old pictures and I felt nostalgic
I took the wrong bus on my way home

I don’t quite feel like myself
I see it in everything I do
I had brussels sprouts and I liked them
I had kale and I liked it too

I put on a show I liked
But I did not pay attention like I used to
I put on dull outfits,
I did not use colors like I normally do

I don’t quit feel like myself,
I don’t know for how long it will last
I don’t quite feel like myself,
I keep looking for happiness in the past
I canceled all my plans
I put on my favorite song but I didn’t sing or dance
I opened up a notebook to write
I started a new show and a book
I started looking for myself
In different corners and nooks
I don’t quite feel like myself, I feel like a crook
But maybe someday I will, who’s to say
Until then, I will learn to be okay