I wasn't supposed to be your passing fancy—
Your pretty little doting thing
who heels to your every beck and call
and reels and daydreams obsessively—
I wasn’t supposed to succumb to romanticizing notions
at all;
I wasn’t meant to fall
in love with a stranger who’s impossible to love
because you’re way the **** over there
living a life while I’m in the corner of my room sketching out your
holy doves—
Tell me: how is this fair?
That I can’t have you and hold you and have you hold me
I can’t tell if you’ve actually grown distant
or bored or indifferent or
have this secret building desire to just sign off
and flee—
I’m always pining away for you,
I hope you’d see
That my heart has always been yours
And it’s breaking in your hands,
Ultimately.

There is something intrinsically enchanting about traveling—
Meeting small destinies,
Feeling the flow of life sweep you along—
It’s not all about running away,
Or where you end up,
Or how fast you go—
Rather, it’s about the actual act of
Moving Forward.
You sit in the car, or on the plane, or in the back of someone’s pickup, and you can see the landscape undergo its natural metamorphosis again and again
Into unique multifaceted checkpoints down the list of
Things To Experience:
People to laugh with,
Hands to hold,
Memories to make…
I look out into the alternating horizon and see
‘Opportunity’ spelled out in the clouds.
I look out and can see all the reasons why I should just
Take to the wind,
Flit and float across vast spaces of life—
Set free my spirit of all societal burden for the sake of introspective sentience and honest self-discovery—
I get the appeal;
I have tasted from the goblet that decadent ambrosia,
That flavor by which coats and balms my self-criticizing soul—
Soothing away all the hack marks,
The pocks and nicks and dents that blemish and tarnish the delicate skin protecting my psyche—
I am healed by travel,
By taking life seriously as that journey by which to merely ‘enjoy the ride’,
By making a literal journey out of life,
(Via journeying.)
Ah, even as I drive onward,
Even as I am propelled ever forward along the Devil’s Backbone, and Montezuma’s Castle, chasing the setting sun,
I am already thirsting for more

I make lists
to organize my life into lines
on a page
some lists are for groceries
others for wishes
I make lists of "to do's"
for the satisfaction of crossing them off
I scribble thoughts onto paper in the late hours of the night
I make lots of lists
of things I'm grateful for
of goals still awaiting their accomplishment

to remind myself I exist

I guess it's also a form of obsessive compulsiveness
that comes with not knowing who you are
or being unsure of where you're going
I make lists
to slowly, deliberately, write myself into a person

If jealousy is a green eyed monster,
Anxiety will be a blued eyed monster
With thorns that you do not take notice of
Until its too late and you are trapped in its suffocating embrace.
Save me, please.

Anxiety will rob you of your breath
She leaves you gasping for air when everyone can breathe just fine.
I can't look around,
Or they will know there is no heart next to my failing lungs.
Save me, please.

Anxiety will steal your light away
She will leave you in darkness
When she knows your fear of the dark will **** you.
My eyes look around wildly
Seeing yet unseeing
I need to find my way out of this crowd.
There are too many eyes that can see through me
She keeps me blind.
Save me, please

Anxiety will take away your courage
I am not brave enough to be in a room full of people.
I am not brave enough to talk to the girl sitting beside me for the last six months
I am not brave enough to look into your eyes.
Anxiety is a blue-eyed monster that won't give me back my courage.
Please please please, give it back.

"All I Want" (A Day To Remember)
is for "You And I" (Anarbor)
to "Shine On" (Jet)
but it's not "All About Us" (He Is We, ft. Owl City)
and "If I Leave" (A Day To Remember)
will you come "And Run" (He Is We)
"A Thousand Miles" (Vanessa Carlton)
with me "When The Darkness Comes" (Colbie Caillat)
but let's not "Blame It On The Rain" (He Is We)
and don't think that my "Darkside" (Kelly Clarkson)
exists just to "Prove You Wrong" (He Is We)
I know "It's Complicated" (A Day To Remember)
but "Since U Been Gone" (A Day To Remember cover)
I've been feeling like your "Number One Enemy" (Daisy Dares You, ft Chipmunk)
and all I want to do is write you a "Love Song" (Sara Bareilles)
to show you that I'm "Still Into You" (Paramore)
So don't think that "Big Yellow Taxi" (Counting Crows)
is going to be your "Savior" (Rise Against)
but "Here It Goes Again" (Ok Go)
so don't think about "Everything I'm Not" (The Veronicas)
while I just sit here with "My Shiny Teeth And Me" (Chip Skylark)
trying to catch "Fireflies" (Owl City)
in a jar shaped like a "Skyscraper" (Demi Lovato)
so don't act like "It's The End Of The World As We Know It" (REM)
because in "One Week" (The Barenaked Ladies)
we'll all just be "Heroes And Thieves" (Vanessa Carlton)