when he said, "this is
my note, after all, thats
what people do, right?
leave a note?" my heart
completely caved
      >     in.    <

when my teacher said
that a lot of people
commit suicide due to
bullying or because they
feel unaccepted,
i raised my hand to
speak up about the
facts.


the true facts.

how more than half of the
homeless teenage population
are gay. they were kicked out
by their mums and dads.

how its not just the
bullying, how its
them too.

they feel so alone and
we always wonder why
there is a new name in
the paper saying,
"Suicide--Age --"
and yet because of
someone being p    u s h  e       d
to                                                      far

it made them take
their own life.

i wish i could stop
suicides,
i wish for once
i could be the one who
closed the door on
death.

but im no rolemodel,
i always let death
back in.

but that doesnt mean i
wont help you take
him out.

he said he believes that
after we die, we come back as birds
(but what happens after that
i asked; he shrugged and said
does it make a difference?)

If you find me staring off
I'm probably trying to orchestrate
Forced hallucinations
We call reality
Merging layers of fantasies
That ones where we photoshopped our dreams
Pouring them out of our hands
to imitate art

I look to the sky as a canvas
Using my wracked mind as a weapon
Exploiting the sun in my eyes
As enlightenment
The grand totality of everything
And the line of time

Lost a bet with myself that this was wishful thinking
It's just a constant mirror
Reflecting the unseen unconscious
We're all in here manifesting some parts
Of our skewed imagination

No matter how violent
The nose bleed
Or lapse in consciousness
Getting lost in flashes of lights
Seizuring out the message
A sign from some higher power

You can argue that hatred is the absence of love.
Or that love is the absence of hatred.
One thing you can't argue about is that either one can exist without the other.
On the basis of love,
there must be hatred.
On the basis of hatred,
there must have been love.
One can simply say that,
love is hatred and hatred is love for,
both end up hurting you.

What I want is simple
and with hardwork &
dedication, I'll have it.
I want Berkeley and
Astronomy and
the Art from the
Universe.

I want the stars in
the sky and the
balck holes.

I also want everything
inbetween,
including
you.

Not sure how I'll
achieve that but
hell, you
gotta start
somewhere,
right?

Exams are round the corner but,
I can't stop thinking of you.
Of what we had.
Of what we will never have again.
I can't study.
Your face constantly pops up in my mind.
You already ruined my life once,
why are you back to haunt me again?
I saw you at the mall the other day.
I'll never be able to forget.
And that fact kills me.

in spanish we were
conjugating verbs-
hablar=halbo
(if you want it to
mean 'I talk')
hablas if you
want it to mean
He/She/It talks.
and so on.

by the third infinitve,
my mind completely
d     r     i f     t   e           d
by then.

at that time,
i thought of your eyes
and how they light
up the room.
i thought of your smile,
and how you make
me swoon.
i thought of
the words youve
said and
how many countless
times ive fell
for you.

and yet,
i come running back.
it seems like its the
only thing i
know how to
do.