One day
I noticed that
Things didn't matter
To her
Anymore.

Not calories
(Which she counted meticulously)
Nor clothes
(Which she scrutinized routinely)
Not even
Her hair
(Which she fussed over ridiculously)

One day
I noticed that
The spark
In her eyes
Was missing.

One day
I noticed
Her sitting outside
In the rain.
Soaked but you could tell
She was crying.

I asked her.
She told me, she was trying to bring him back.
She sat under that tree when it rained
Because its where he first kissed me
She said.
She traced his kiss over her lips
And tried to bring him back
Through the power of her memories.

One day
I noticed how often she laughed
But so little smiled
I asked her
She told me.
Her smile was taken
By the boy who took her heart.

One day
I asked her.
She told me.
He jumped,
He was just looking up at the sky
And then all of the sudden
He was gone.
Not a word,
Not a cry.

All he ever wanted
Was to die.

I sit alone
Conjuring up metaphors with a sleepy mind
as absinthe, poured into my glass
reminds me of passion
all heat and
bittersweet
it tempts me just the same

I wait for the sugar to dissolve
the same way
I wait for love
Believing it will be sweeter
and like love
it only distorts my thoughts
blurs my vision
making my tongue thick
But I have no use for words right now

The floor
         begins
               to sink

I feel self-conscience
smoking my cigarette
vulnerable
Aware of the men in the room
How their eyes follow intently
the lines of my hand to mouth gestures
Their appetites wetted  
the way my lips
w r a p and f o r m
Some obscene whisper
Full and round
I wonder if they've guessed
my lipstick and ******* are the same
perfect shade of pink
I blow the smoke out
and away
They smile

Dark
hungry thoughts
join the fog around my head

The floor
        is falling
             further

A man stands next to me
Insisting his attentions
Pushing his body against my arm
I look up at him and smile
I know he will not force me to think clearly
He pretends we've met before
and I

imagine

I am the ice in his whiskey
Melting slowly

Waiting
to be absorbed
against his lips
between his teeth
he will bite and crush me
pushing me
down
inside of him
He wouldn't even taste me
A cool burn then
nothing

The
    floor
       is far
             away

Having defied gravity
(not me personally
but by proxy
namely through
a dog, monkey and Soyuz
and fruit flies and bullfrogs
and lately through NASA)
I defy humility
I brave it, I challenge it
for there’s too much hypocrisy
in humility
For humility is such
that it never speaks its name
For when it speaks of Humility
it is Sans Humility
Take me
for example -
you hardly hear me
mention myself as Saint Humility, do you?
But that’s what I am, my other name: Humility
But people keep insisting on calling me Saint Humility
But I defy Humility


POSTSCRIPT
I also defy repetition
and over-emphasis
and contradiction, paradox
But, it must not be left unsaid -
in defying humility,
I think I’ve also
quite inadvertently
defined humility: *Saint Me

It was many and many a year ago,
  In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
  By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
  Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
  In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
  I and my ANNABEL LEE;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
  Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
  In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
  My beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
  And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
  In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
  Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
  In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
  Chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
  Of those who were older than we—
  Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in heaven above,
  Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
  In her sepulchre there by the sea—
  In her tomb by the side of the sea.

A friend I am not
I do not know how to mask desire with faithfulness
To falsely turn my cheek for the sake of another

No friends have I sought
But only intricate details of a lover
Held up in brilliant contrast to the sun
Until their affections I have won
Which subdue me for a while or so
But a friend I am not, so off they must go

As sidewalks are laced with tiny delicacy in blue
They say to me, 'I will not forget you'
But what is forgotten, if remembered without meaning?
Ah, and the blue laced flowers waver, unsure
As if to remember is to abhor

You are a distant dream
that when in thought,
twists my stomach into knots.
     I can still see your eyes
     as they twinkled at night,
     under the sky's starlight.
     And still feel your skin
     brushed up against mine,
     as we laid together entwined.

You are a deafening scream
that brings a shock,
to everything I had forgot.
     I can still hear your voice
     and the love it rejoiced,
     while I still had a choice.
     And still smell your scent
     on the last day we left,
     with an old life to reinvent.

You are a distant sea
that kisses the shores
I rest upon no more.
     I can still taste the air
     and the grapes we had shared,
     when the summer was bare.
     And still it all swells
     whispering of it's tales,
     as I struggle these spells.

You are a distant dream
who always returns to me
and robs me of my sleep,
while I try to break free
and come at peace
with all of the love that once loved me.