I've found where I belong
It's by myself
I can't get too comfortable
'Cause that's when I go
What will I have left then,
If I leave when I'm already alone?
I gave you everything,
Then I forgot to take it back
When I left.
I wish you hadn't grown up here
Then I wouldn't have to hear you come and go
If you weren't here I wouldn't have to feel this way
It isn't anything that you're doing
You don't do anything
*you don't do anything
My skin sought the company of hers
Finger tips brushed against my bony wrist
I almost tasted her lips
When she spoke of journeys downwards
Into caves that hide the darkest intentions
Her fingers laced atop her bobbing knee
- she's impatient to speak -
While I'm eager to listen
If only to pretend that each word that touches her mouth was my lips pressed firmly
The light in your bedroom keeps me company
Though it makes me wish you'd disappear
Because I don't think you deserve my sadness,
And yet I give it to you anyway - everyday
Handpicked and wrapped up with a sort of pleading desperation
A "please take me back there, sitting on your front step with sweet consolidation"
But we don't go there anymore,
And so the light in your bedroom keeps me company,
And at nighttime I wish I'd disappear
I dream of ghosts,
But the nighttime mends me.
In the morning, sunlight casts the shadows back under the bed.
Yet what do I do with the ones in my head?
The days each filled with emptiness,
and that was all I got.
I locked myself away and hid,
then my heart began to rot.
I thought I'd clear away the dark
If I kept my mind racing.
So I filled my head with thoughts of others
And built up a strong casing.
When these things each fell away,
The darkness did come back.
And now I spend each night, here feeling
Like this is a heart attack.