I need you and I want you but you won't be here
I will stand here and fight for you but you'll never do the same and you say you care but you don't I wish you would but wishing is like watering a rock and waiting for it to bloom
You took my heart and slammed it into the ground
You took my demons and trained them to tell me that you weren't there
You destroyed my life making it into ruins with your name carved along the walls You slowly but surely took over each and every thought of mine and turned it against me
You hate me and I love you and this world will never let me understand why
you made me feel incapable
but I am capable
I may be young but my mind works faster than thought or time itself
I learned how to live on my own without being manipulated by your evil words that coursed through my veins
I stopped wishing for you to care because
I may not be able to make a rock bloom into a beautiful flower but I took it and made it into a luminescent rock garden
I picked up my heart and put it back together; piece by piece
I overcame my demons and painted over those ruins and made a masterpiece
I overpowered your ubsurd ways and took over my mind and made myself into something better
you might have made me feel incapable
but I am capable

Don't you dare
give me that stare
act like you care

You don't have the right to pretend
that in the end
You like me for my hands
As much as you just wanted to **** me.

So don't hold my hand and talk to me like this
don't try to make me believe in the magic that doesn't exist
that when we were together you felt genuine bliss

like in the vast moments when our hands intertwined
you ever wanted to be mine
or that you'd ever let me define
our time
as anything more than a static rhythm and rhyme

as anything more than a business exchange
or a game
i give you my feelings and you don't feel the same

it's not too late you haven't placed your bet
on how many months it'll take for you to get to my bed
get inside my head

all of the time i wasted for you is over
all of the feelings i hid away
all of the breath you took away
as i waited for you to text me hey
it's over

congrats.
you've made me numb
stand in the line of other guys who've given me some
taken me under angel wings and deceived me
but this time I see

I don't trust your magic arms anymore
your fantastical eyes don't take me hostage anymore

and the emptiness i felt after i was filled with you inside me
reminds me

never to trust

someone who tries to hold your hands
when they can't hold your words

you're a mastermind magician
you've helped me stop belieivng in the magic
i know magic behind love
and i don't believe in magic anymore

I guess you could call her a stranger,
she's afraid to get too close.
Attitude buried deep in her skin
her pain, heartache
[She fakes a smile]

They want to understand,
what goes on inside her head.
Her laugh, monotonous,
her skin could break.
[and she's beautiful.]

I want him to see the pain he caused,
the hurt inside her eyes.
The love she felt,
[undeniable]
For him?
[unworthy.]

You forget the pain and live in the moment,
never sharing how you truly feel.
Do you look for separation
or does it find you?
[Are you ashamed?]

With no desire to be amicable,
you believe you have true friends.
Tossing and turning thought the day.
Yearning to remain alive.
[Her heart still beats.]

Opinionated irony,
I see it in her eyes.
Life will turn out the way you hope
when you find your only someone.
[True love.]

Confusion spreads like a spider bite
and strokes then through her words.
A shocking splendor of melancholy lyric.
[Shot through fangs.]
Amazed me.
[Realization.]

Autumn leaves
Are a trick of the mind.
An illusion of beauty,
That mask the harsh reality
Of what they represent.

Mesmerized by their colors
People mistake them for beauty.

But what are autumn leaves really?

They are leaves
Changing
Inevitably changing
With no control over the matter
Loosing what they once were altogether

And then
When the cold fully encompasses them
And it becomes too much to bare any longer,
The simply fall away,
Completely forgotten by the people who were once
Infatuated with their beauty
But have lost interest now
Because they are no longer
appealing to the eye.

It isn't the marks on my arm
it isn't the thoughts in my head or the way I act or the tears dried on my pillow.
those don't matter.

I need to create a future and so none of this matters.
This is my in between time and
******* is it hard
but it only shaped me a little
it only molded me with light touches, it only sketched
its mark across my wrist
it doesn't define me.

so this isn't me
I am normal I am not messed up I am ordinary
iamnotmessedupiamnotmessedupiamORDINARY
I
am
ordinary.

"YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO DIE."
Okay, I won't.
My life means something to someone
Someone.
I am not allowed to die.
That makes things a helluva lot easier.
Not an option.
No. Don't even have to let my mind
linger
for a minute
For a minute, I can go on living.

I'm a monster with no feelings,
but somehow I still love you.
I can't swim, but I'd build a boat.
Sail to you.
I want to.
I miss you.
I miss you.
Do you hear me?
Will you ever?
I'm screaming louder this time.
Can you hear me any better?
This empty whole,
It aches for you.
This darkness,
It shakes for you.
Tell me, what more can I do for you?
What have I to do to show you what I see?
Every moment awake is a tragedy entirely.
Without you.
This soul,
It takes for you.
This heart,
It breaks for you.
Can you look at this monster and feel compassionate?
At least ******* look at me, *******.
I'm sick of it.
That stare at the ground won't send you to hell any faster.
I ******* love you, what's so ******* hard about that you ******* *******?
These holes, they are here because of your absence and presence.
See you were here before, but notice I said that in past tense.
Now your gone and these holes,
They only ******* get larger.
Tried so hard to fill em with god knows.
But I'm running out of supplements for armor.
**** it.
You hate me,
I hate me.
God knows.
He made me.
He made you.
But I guess God doesn't build passion in twos.