The bizarre movements, of your hand in my lips
The caress of your lips on my lips
Your sweet tender tongue, and mine through the fight
Wrestling yet so gently, through the movements of guitars
Song you play so tingly, in my stomach I can feel
Tingling sensation, as you work your way through me
Caress me so gently, make me feel your love
Let me hear your heart, yet feel it against my chest.
Let me feel you drumming,  pure seduction of the soul.

Less is Nice, but Never Not
October 26, 2013

I have this problem.

of turning whispers into shouts.
of my silent cries becoming visible pouts.
of a violent tendency to dislike.
of knowing how I feel like.
of believing that the worst thing I can be,
is just me.

I open every door so the world can come in.
Effortless distraction.
To keep introspection away from myself,
I pull people off the shelf.
I'll take anyone who won't keep quiet.
Hell, if needed, I'd start a riot.
I am a dreadful juggernaut, filled with fright.
Trying my hardest to stay up all night.
Fighting to keep people in my fortress,
creating a collection of voices,
building a constant chorus.
Hiding from the solitude of an empty room in the house,
I advertise to anyone, who I am, and my whereabouts.

But after every conversation in-person or on the phone,
I go home and it sinks in.
I begin to realize,
I am always alone.

Being alone feels like being without.
Being alone feels like being lonely.
Being alone feels like being lost.
Being alone feels like being lonely.
Being alone feels like being misunderstood.
Being alone feels like being lonely.
Being alone feels so lonely.
But being alone feels so much better with someone else.

I feel less alone when I'm not by myself.
I feel less alone when I step out of the stealth.
I feel less alone when I'm surrounded.
I feel less alone when people keep me grounded.
I feel less alone when I laugh or hear laughter.
I feel less alone when I get sought after.
I feel less alone when I live life with a zest.
I feel less alone when I get recognized for trying my best.

Less alone is nice,
but let's be real.
Alone is someone who I will always feel.
Not one second spent not lonely,
not once, not twice.
At least, being less alone can be quite nice,
but this life still hasn't shown me,
how to never feel lonely.
Nobody ever told me.
Being me would mean having to be lonely.
All life has shown,
is that my name should be Alone.

...---...
...---.... ...---...
...---... ...---... ...---...

my frantic fingers tap the telegraph
tapping tentatively , taking time
to repeat the single word

...dot, dot, dot, dash, dash , dash, dot, dot, dot...
                                ---
tapping away like a cricket with arthritis
sending my signals and sounds into the night...
...dot, dot, dot, dash, dash, dash, dot , dot , dot...
                                ---
but the neighbourhood sleeps quietly
and no one cares for an arthritic cricket
singing its song into the endless radio silence...

because dots and dashes are nothing more than
humble beginnings in 96.09.21
and the life dashes by and flat-lines on
a marble stone
1996 - (pretty soon)

...---...
...---... ...---...
...---... ...---... ...---...

dot, dot, dash, dash, dash, dot, dot, dot
dot, dot, dot, Dash, Dash, Dash, DOT, DOT, DOT
dot, dot, Dot, DASH, DASH, DASH, DOT, DOT, DOT
DOT, DOT, DOT, DASH, DASH, DASH, DOT, DOT, DOT
DOT, DOT, DOT, DASH...-------------------------------------------------------

t­he drummers pack away their drums, the beat forever fades

the thunder stops to rumble, from now on only clear days

my finger stops its tapping, lies numb across the telegraph

and somewhere outside... and arthritic cricket...
turns silent from its wrath

and the dots and dashes ...
that's been beating all this time...
my hearts stops singing with them...
and ends with one flat line

WvWWvVvv-v-v-----------------------------------------------­----

John Keats
John Keats
John
Please put your scarf on.

I don't have hope.
I don't do hope.
I have calm. Calm is better.
I have a knowledge from somewhere in my bones that it will be okay.
That even if everything I've spent all this time worrying about actually happens,
I'll be alright.
It may not be pretty,
And it may not be the happiness I long for,
But whatever happens to me, I know I will survive it.
And that gives the girl who spends much too much time stepping back and giving others what they ask for a peculiar edge:
When everything that I fear has happened,
And I should be broken,
That is always when I stand the tallest, and let pride put steel in my spine.
I don't have a secret weapon,
I am a secret weapon.
Because although I long to be content, I was made to be tested.

And whether I like it or not, I test well.

You're so beautiful,
At everything you do,
Even the dark lies you tell,
They're pretty shades of blue.

The lies you tell are as dark as any,
But you make them so charming,
You make them sound okay,
No matter how truly alarming.

You are beautiful,
A beautiful liar, that is,
But I don't trust you anymore,
Not the words you say, nor his.

He is a liar too,
His lies are the darkest of them all,
Be careful not to trust him, darling,
He won't catch you when you fall.

12/30/2013
I Met the **** Hater

Have you ever seen someone so beautiful
that you felt like crying?
Have you ever felt so utterly Disgusted by someone
that you wished they were dying?

Do you think I feel gay guts and gayness in my genes?
Or did society manufacture me - one of their gay liberal machines.
I'm not sure which is better,
Either  way you'll make me a martyr.
But I'll be your Hester Prynne baby
with my Big Gay Letter.

I cannot erase
that look on his face.
when he told me **** ****, Go Away.
I'll punch you in the face just for being Gay.

A separation of message and mind.
Hateful judgment is not hard to find.
When I stand in the shower,
or sit down on a park bench,
I'm a **** to him clear as gay.
It's like he thinks I ate some magic flower.
My girlfriends don't fare much better - to him called a bar *****.
This guy is the part of society that makes being gay scary to say.

He thinks Gays making out in public can't be allowed.
He thinks Legalized gay marriages should be disavowed.
He thinks Animal ***, *******, and ****** are because of gays.
He thinks Gay **** between two women might be more okay.
He thinks *** should **** more gay people.
He thinks Criminalizing ****** would make things more equal.
He thinks Adam's choice of Eve or Steve is all that matters.
He doesn't care about myself, or your heart's fragile rathers.

This man is the **** Hater.
Not a rare breed at all.
He could be your waiter,
or your teacher,
maybe even your sales assistant at the mall.

I Met the **** Hater,
while I made out with a guy at the bar.
The **** Hater was kinda old, yet strong and tall.
But I didn't fall
down.
or become dehumanized.
When I caught a glimpse of his face
and saw that utter look of Disgust
that I just cannot erase.
I saw it in his face - the **** Hater's
'**** Hate.'