I was sick, miserable
holding on.. to the past.
To the ****** up thoughts
distorting my world..
Swimming deep in the familiar arms of pain

I had to blame
to shame.

Rant
Writhe
Scream

I was insane.

Letting those who betrayed
continue hurting me.

But then one day I asked.. why?
Why be my own enemy?
To 'er is human,
Forgiveness divine.
Can I control others?
No, their control is not mine.

I moved on.
I let go.

Now I am free

I don't look forward
and I do not look back.
I live in the here and the now.

I let love live in me.

I love the way you look in the sunlight streaming
Your hair messy.. eyes half open
I bring you black coffee in bed
and we talk
We make love
Slowly
My beauty
My life
Thank you for loving me
and becoming my wife

My heart, what happened to you?
I watched you fall apart
And slip through my fingers like sand.
So many times we've been through this but it never gets easier.
Just when the wounds heal
Fresh jagged tears appear.
I burn the past to dust
Watch the ashes blow far away
But it gives me no comfort.

My days, where have you gone?
I check you off like scratches on the wall of my cell,
In this prison of my own mind.
I realize I can never get you back but I will treat the next day with no more regard.
My days that have been for nothing.

My hands, why do you turn on me?
I abuse myself for never being good enough
And everything is my fault.
I don't deserve your gentleness
It's all saved for someone else

My mind, why do you betray me?
These thoughts are not my own.
They were planted by everyone I ever loved
Their words and actions cut like swords
Because I let them.
I trusted them not to.
Should have known better.

My heart, what happened to you?
I think you've turned to stone.
Nothing will ever grow again in your desolate scarred expanse.
I'm putting up walls and defenses to keep them out.
This is where I will be waiting.

Warning!! May cause excessive sweating, nervousness, dizziness, fainting, dry mouth, shaking, nausea, impaired judgement, insomnia and insanity. May be habit- forming. Withdrawal symptoms may include but are not limited to: chest pains, depression, lethargy, loss of appetite and suicidal feelings.