my priorities have been destroyed since I met you for the first time.

an addiction that had waves
in chapters of a rainbow.

fear of changing definitions,
your priorities far from me,
my heart slowly broke from
an unloving god-
that heart rebuilt greater from
a loving one.

so to the irony the one that destroyed some of my past love,
is one of the only things left to rely and comfort me at any of darker night.

once i stood to gain something
i could only see the fall again.
so i lay for days,
back in the trenches where I
work best.
whittling words,
praying for peace,
integrating integrity,
and daring limits.

the drapes that covered them
as they watched you enter the front door
had no holes
when he was floating
beyond the banister.

the ghost you never saw
but always sensed, but they now
thankful that
the weightlessness carries them so dearly.

drowning, but dead, in lush serene waters in a
freefall calming cool gravity
like
resting the eyes on sleepless nights
- hoping for the kiss of sweet slumber.

dialectical analytic
'******-conceptualization'.
veering vectors veining
through tangled truths
only to find- still- something
of nothing new.

maybe ill carry this loneliness to the next life,
an intrepid ghost: a hovering nomadic,
tasked to obtain series of higher virtues alone irregardless of each of their truely unobtainable natures.
for when I reach into that ubiquitous
nihility between the realm of our reality, I only feel the tease of God's fingers goading for my spirit-the light - to reach for greater as I grow lesser in the eyes of others; no more loving guise.
My heart does replete of its ironic painstaking undertaking. Beating a song only I would sing. Doomed listening for the slow drum that matches my own.

when i go,
you'll have no one else to blame

check your responsibility
when i look into your eyes.
who do you sense?
what do you do?
not
my
fault.
my eyes see gold
past obsidian kinks.

who've you seen?
who do you normally see?
is it the best or the worst in me?
whos eye's mouth has spoken of me?
would you agree?
good.
alas, try not be ****** to worst perception.

things evolve,
mature, over
sad branches
of synchronicity.

i should grow some new trees.
in fact, i'd like a garden.
i still will water those elder's old.
their love triumphed over these new beginnings; for a keen eye.
those brothers and sisters in nature make me feel bigger, greater, than myself.
role models of strength i have known since young.

slowely caressing souls
on a voyage to understand you.
with each healing intent,
i intend to fix something i have broken.
to reach through the breached breaks
affixing each fixes until i walk upon the unbreached wall in your heart where is home,
but to enter welcomed.
a place where they speak my name with gentle loving lips.

the loss of you was so different, so new.
the choice of abandonment and betrayal still enfeebles me, losing my best friend in death, but we are alive.
it lived, but was it a lie?
what was fake? were the feelings different inside?

the neural pathways i etched,
plotting course to a proverbial gun-cabinet,
haunt me in this labyrinth.
some ideation in the fantasy
tastes too keenly of my premature sour superfluous sucker.
too easy, too early, of an out.
i say the same for you.
enjoy the there-after from the time here-before.
i will go eventually, but i won't,
i can't,
**** in my suicidal tendencies.
the final bastion of pride that i will never allow to cease;
-

the epitome of transcendental solitude; my ego: the poet's world; contracted from loss. recently kept silent to others; exchanging ignorance for their bliss.

the intimacy of an open door,
i now often close.
ignore this stifling depressing room
and all of its redeemable charm.

I have become your fears manifested.
Abandoned beside the love I have given.
Just like them, the true nature of those fears, I'm hidden beyond your mind; to then emerge unchained.
detached from burden.
away from that grasping, vampiric latch of weakness.
instead, with it, I dance.
A two-to-tango love, that free movement of each and every one of those deficiencies shining through in my body writing the story of my life; feverishly, and frantically kicking, spinning, springing, jigging, and getting truely down without a pre or post disgression.
uncontrollable.
yet under your careful watchful eyes.
"i'll shoot ya a kiss love,
a wink will tell you more than enough."

how much can i stand
to lie down alone
cusping and gripping distractions
to hopefully randomly fall into sleep
instead of stay awoke to the gnawing sense of one heartbeat?

like liquid seeping into the well of my soul. the stagnant bayou waters that wish to deny my will to go on. infesting pathogens familiarizing itself with me only in own weakness in a muddy stench. how does one find again their love when its lost?
the impression on my chest need be filled with some one.
else my arms tatter in under-use and famine.

fervor reflecting through her soft skin,
requiring the kindest of care.
requiting my heart to an empty room
where each beat echoes and spirals to the curls of her hair.
i dance to our minds, wondering what is it that's inside.
the charm of her eyes, a familiar guise, leads me to another tale, a curse, of demise, but, as i know, a blessing and a lesson in disguise.
would you wish to dance intwined?
us to learn by our movements aligned?
for this monument, from ruin, being rebuilt in these endless periods of time?
to lead a friendship of that divine?

look upon the soul on the wall.
the one cast by the light.
see the movements mirror your own.
in dance: in life: in sound. this shadow
that follows your will.
this shadow unchecked will
wither you ill.

i remember when your hair was yellow.
a sunrise to awaken me when i was already awoke.
what a departed friendship.

preaching loss to those
that haven't seen its pure cosmogonal face,
like a vampire feeling young off a new-ly acquainted eternal aging, or
like a future wall you supply to backs in tired moments of humanity, or
a revelry of armor in lessons of the past.
true loss-
a virus of our machine
spreading through cracks in the seams
of one's soul and
dominating your every will
and clamping shut
every peek-hole of home
in leagues of the deepness of sea
of a non-comforming depression.

to question why you get up,
is not as important as getting up.
it speaks so true of that
devil's irrelvance.

i will attempt to illude you to happiness.
a hacker of emotion, who claims his power within the favor of others.
the snap of his finger brings a twinkle to his eyes.
do not claim me your asset.
i am but a travelling bard.

sometimes you don't know what you done, did, and do to me.

sometimes a life of tragedy relates in one's duplicity.

sometimes i can read your eyes as my bible, an angel doomed in his own humanity.

one time, i saw your soul and you fell me your weight, that arch of your body i ​wanted to hold so dearly.
it felt like i earned your love; through earnesty enough.
with all that wish of my wishes in the cup.

i hope i grow wings, when this is finally up.

chew; chew; swallow.
chest caving to hollow.
   gulping these marbles behind my
                                                       eyes.


don't let gravity take your time.

when you spun my heart,
                              to be so marginally
                                                   intwined.

"i'm starting to forget what my mother's face looks like.", I exclaimed knowing reality deduced the same.
those younger days that that mind began being ****** into the obsidian darkness.

i still cant see as much good as i used to.
but, then again, one need not rely on just the eyes for sight, especially on these sheer nights.

recursive tones in melodic notes of
healing.
just your own to listen, instead of to be heard.
hypnotic colorful tessalation, crafted in fugue, filling your mind with ease.
do not fear, the origin: benevolence.
alas reflections of shadows constructing fractions of the source of fractions of remnance of the whole.
Just enough truth, with trust, is a gift from the creator.

bitter or sweet,
or something 'tween;
the truth in
you getting what you deserve.

the kind the heart tastes.

choose wisely,
your tongue won't be the only consequence of one's intensity of self-worth.

i wasn't worth the energy.
i wasn't worth, but a thing.

i say to myself,
"
you are worth this energy.
you are the worth of every thing.

"

the drops that do not fall
erode the skull; groove the brain.
poke holes in the eyes, ellicit migraines.
with no one to unlock these muscles
that squeeze you closed.

the dog-pile of stress,
like missles slowly breaching a dam of another well,
until breaking-point.
crackles of lightning cracking the scalp
and pathing, chaining twitches, down to the feet.

Grounded.
from then to the healing waters you must go. Nature's icy, cold, frigid, soothing,
teary shower cascading, dancing into the hair. Then, steamy hot droplets tingling the spine with prickling pleasure.

one can't sleep during this period of sickness, you can only attempt to survive. the pain's immensity contrived with human will. Paralled, entirely, in its labor.

Pain and relief, from nature's true kiss.
The one you can't have kept, but fleetingly.

trailing air bublets in toasty water,
bubbles that speak to my skin,
"ooo"-"ahh"-"ooo".
fairly lovely,
like puppies attacking in swarm.
that pure, and stainless, love-lust,
to rid your heart of glum.

finally.
free.
a soul in replete.
a weight, unleashed.
Where have I found myself, that
it just feels so me?

Tell no one,
the words you heard.
To protect,
someone who skewers your soul.
why,
bite the hand that feeds you?

be the raging monster monsoon
in this arid day.
a circling ice snowstorm
through a foliaged forest;
the air so dense;
it fills the lungs.

i would die for another's sins
all in a natural insurrection
of our foulish design: more faulty than kind.

old friends and family like bullet hole wounds,
i have to bandage every day.
but like a *******,
or all too picky,
never allow to heal fully.
they are who made me.
the scars that are the body's story
i wear as prideful as metals.
and square my shoulders in front for their betters,
the angels i find grasping my shoulders in their solidarity.

the haze
a shower; for the light to glow.
a cascading cloud with
rays graciously
appending white glory.
watch the eyes.
the sun burns godly visage, in manifested mirage, harking reds
and screaming blues.

If I die before you wake,
is that something you could take?

Visit my wake,
and find all my secrets in my glossy eyes?

What are words nowadays, if
you don't take your own to mind?

My word. Is my bind. And my calm lifeless countenance might ring those I placed in your heart.
By sheer loss alone.
I'd never hope it happens to you.

do you see me in a star?
a tree?
the ground touching your feet?
that wonderful picture you drew for the entire world to see?

a cloud?
a stick found?
an animal with a silly sense of the profound?

a little treat?
one to pop into one's mouth while in defeat?
a kiss?
a wish?
a tender lovesick?

a place far?
it a one far from bizarre;
a home built without arms?
a dead end?
a pool side tend?;
lost act of babtism in a man-made lake:
fenced in by my scars?

a whole head of lead;
one that gets a little too upset?
someone so far too in their dread;
to help?

a savant, a fool said, trail blazing by his own design?
but still one who found himself equal, amidst all of people; and loved them above their, and in turn, his own value?
all to the tune of a rhythmic soul's belt?


one could never truely know.
i only grasp at the collective human primordial seed.
to understand this waking world.

it's a privilege and a responsibility to have someone listen to you.
Dont take all those gifts for granted.

eyes.
a key to your soul.
i can see them;
when not even looking.

truth: delusion founded in another delusion.
If we don't know all the answers,
we are merely guessing.

how does he stand so tall
through all the things he faces
and all that he has faced?

they make you stronger
and the scars become your armor.