these clothes i wear
placed upon my intrepid
yet crumbling mortal form.

from friend.
from family.

gift me more weight.
gift me more armor.

those that believe in me,
are, and is, this softness in my robe;
each fiber, to caress my heart.

to carry me to the clouds.

just trying to play well
in these mental sicknesses

respect for those that believe love
can only be all good.

i shall be a pillar
that you can lean on.
one that
may try to sell you something sweet.

for if this is not love then how does one know what is.

in something secret
but shared

digitial virus

connection through a heaven.
a computer shadow ghost of our own will.

will we even begin to know the devastation?
the destination?

i am not ready for the future
life only gets harder,
pain run deeper,
labor is needed
to keep enjoying my starry nights
i wish to share with you.

where the true connection's voice speaks. A place no soul can slowly run adry.

listen closely
and you might hear that
the clouds match your soul;
soft gentle skin;
boistrous forbidden kiss
from the sky to your cheek.

sometimes unholden,
pouring hail and crashing thunder.
know that deep eagle and claw-fringed fish
look up to you and
fall down to join your lone form as
from basen to barren mountain
love connects.

i love you with nature's calling;
through the storms of your life.
take my hand and stand up.
only to fall again once more.

hold me tight.
my body yearns for touch.
kiss me swell
my heart a wishing well.

could you love me in gridlock
grand service to my emptiness
you can reach into my depths
for us to understand your power.

truth will sucker punch you in places you never knew could be hit.

a venomous green toothed grin,
poisoning you from the taste of its mere visage.

it,
this ego of reality reeling back, as it knows itself,
filled with the sour vile poison of home it steals.

all while caressing the lonesome form constructed by no one but merely yourself.

i stand as its champion in the belly of this rancid bubbling ichored cave.

knowing myself to lie.

knowing myself alone.

but filled to the brim with hope.

spitting fire that eats past the armor of skin or scale.

A drug will work its way into your ego

An illusionist this virgo.

Toying with every string you attach yourself to.

Vile.

Pungent to puke.

For one it comforts.

For another,  cohort

the marble man had courage
when he chiseled away
  the shape of his heart

its quite time to
rid myself of others egos
the mesh of it, like a marketplace.
A case of copycat conundrums.
of little offense,
we are all trying our best.

i will love myself
as this person beneath
, as i know myself to have done
to each and every other person,
ive only ever really just seen,
but finally i will do it to me.

not the construction of me
you see.
but the one i know myself to be.
the human we all find ourselves to see.

its hard being weak.
knowing youll fall into whomevers arms
are open.

oh how he crashes under the own
weight we made.
feels like relief as the waters flow
between him and me.
and i feel so calm
and he looks it too.
the warmth of the depths
like a warm blanket hugging.
So tell me why do I still pain.

ive been so lonesome,
a weak movement will illicit
a pair of twitches
just to shame me in knowing im alone.

my body center
scratching vinyl
burrowing questions
all stabbing in to me
pitting cycles of noise
rhytmically cutting my form
in periodic rest
toying on what you expect

with no relief
feel just as scathed
the burns have left
my form shaken

forms crack from the Craving.
sunkissed sea stone, solid but weakened.
the curse outside can't match the ones inside.
angst gifted by nature's euphoria,
dark core evolved into a white magnolia.
wicked spinstress: an honored misfit.
here in these dreams is a focused image.
the reality, no protection; neglect from a timid god.

She would bark at me when wanting love.
I would come close she would run away.
the nature of us all, sometimes she'd try biting me.
Fight or flight, i looked to calm, yet no way around another's fear
(the opposite of love)
but maybe through it?
I figured to bond, she saw what I saw as her potential,
She fought for the attention that was accepted from another (that acceptance key to a heaven indeed). Attacking her brother, her eyes said, "was i right ? was i wrong? Should i try another?".
Trying to show you its acceptable to be on her level.
"Sure ill come" i said with poised humility,
Because i still loved you the same, always as equals. again
Id come, youd run, id throw you a bone,
I had loved to see you as you had grown, love not lacked, brought it back(look she knew how to do that!), pride's layers overlapped of every sense of touch, god I loved that, as I pet your hair back.
Never expressed how much i was impressed,
But still then after, id love in my way to show you it made my day, you would run.
you wanted to still be in my focus, for i think it made you stronger, you were the enemy, reflected that hurt me as I'd hurt another.
i had made a vow to never try to harm another.
Our possible deeds natured in weeds. Possible age of love to still be seen. And when you fought me itd hurt me, and id leave in defeat; you, barking behind me. And maybe one day you wont see me the monster you see me. Maybe one day we could love so freely. But for now it seems we both are on matural's leave.
I just wish i could communicate for you to comprehend, and im sorry my heart feels too heavy for anything to rend.

I used to deny myself death
as i was learned inflicting it
  would send me to hell.

I guess it saved me

I still bathe in that wish.
counting as they slowly wilt away,
  my white pedals of ash.
   the reward of risking the whole flower.

your form a buoy,
to float me from the depths
to the clouds tip of the skyline
where we would lose us, in our eyes.

now without you
i drown,
as the waters rush my lungs
, that i have to forcibly neglect,
to tell you, you never failed.

is it by just the process of it,
  or that it was painfully gifted from you,
that if i truely **** my ego, that you
  will be
   gone too.

looking for the worst.
but
finding the best.

low tone
to
high tone

sad
to
happy

hell
to
heaven

fear
to
love

death
to
life

­twisted
to
cyclic

imprisoned
to
freedom

ugly
to
beautiful

psyc­**
or
savior

I can deal with the uncertainty of the universe.

Yet I'm hung up on the uncertainty of
what is us.

With the golden sun a doorway
and its ray, painted on my sleeping face, charging my soul
with warmth for the day.
longing no more to keep it within.
i glimmer a slight orange.

Long tailed *****;
  magical, of darkened purity.
take all you can.
  for i only have to give.
my ears have grown to hear
  your perfidious purr.
you are not without fault.
  and with this is the bites that have grown scar.

The more you understand love, others, and its power connecting with others,
the more they see the
part of themselves they still hate.
And they will hate you for it.
Cracking unseen decadance in a deep cave blessed by a pond, inside
(or rather itself), a mirror of
fire anger and pity;
pain abuse and loneliness;
loss death and destruction.
dipping into decades of refractions of
faces, and what lied beyond their eyes,
even more sullen than thine.
I've always known how I feel.
Love always reigned in my life.
The Touched, a community,
at this time plagued;
curse themselves to sleep.
A line of misfortune.
and with it all I still bask
in all of the cosmic confluence,
reaping its infinite knowledge of light.

love is a pool,
in which to drink through hardship.
bathed in warmth.
sweet weightlessness.

love is a pool,
that can be drown in, as false pretense   of depth tends to weigh tons with a
predetermined will.

love is a lake.
in which at times your lungs burn,
to which a breath is needed,
and a break delivered.
be wary of the safety of the surface.
the monsters lurk beneath.
some look through a mirror.
and i still intend to find every one.

when you've run out of things to see,
i will show you something new.

deep within
a discordant tone
stirs my mind
vibrates the glass
of my body
but never shatters;
this essense,
a storm in the bottle.

i don't want to know
what happens when it breaks
but i need to know, and
ive known that to be: life is long

how could i lose these "days" of some mystery.
eternity awaits all of us with its smile aglow.
and til then our times can stray.
so live happily,
so i can live free
this constant torment was your gift, and enough it seemed to be, for me.

tingles of skin
like kisses from angels
they release the tears
what i wish for.

and these angels free
someone strong while i am weak
both faces of the same coin

theyre starting to come easier
and why is it after I cry,
I tend to smile?

errant skies, orange like sherbert
clouds of grey slowly move by unfettering my ear,
lost times i couldnt heal,
i break free on the taste of ice cream on my tongue
as the clouds around where i fly form a pond
in which i soak in.
the stillness of water. calm wave
in the shallows.
whisked to a burling bastion of a blue school of fish their
scales shining the new found suns light reflecting off my eyes as sparkles
that happen to fall and turn to purple soda and land on my tongue.
whisking around in my form of glee, a new scape of snow and snow
covered grass and snow
falling amid twirling streetlighted paths.
As I fall and I land too and then stand in an old jacket and in my old fleece hat.

The cold of those nights.
Like taking a breath mint but it always stayed somewhere placed within your head. The core, i guess. If you placed yourself right, snugged yourself tight, you'd be an unstoppable machine against the cold.
And with it came the power of being in that ubiquitous beauty.
Every single snowflake.
A present.
I bask in it
It might be bad right now i think to say at THIS moment in THIS time,
That it tastes a little like you
But I don't deny the truth

i could join an us
for us and them
but then they recieve the torment
So rather just i and them


better that than the nature of everything to win as it most usually does.

i stick in what, seems, poignant
but is agrassed in singed dew
anew

waiting to say sorry
so i can fly somewhere new

my heart only has so much room
so much drive to keep going.

my skin only tears at the turmoil.
my tears, puffs of sand

my soul. My spirit
weeps.
bleeds.

i dont think anything could amount to reconcilation for hell i sat alone.

i dont think i can sit here any longer