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I've always hated my birthday

Yeah, I'm reaaally tipsy

And you know what?
That's alright.
That's perfectly fine.
'Cause I've got all these scars
Which I can't stop
Re-examining
Over and over again

It's routine to me, by now

This is less polished than the other poems
Maybe cause I don't even bother
With re-reading this piece
I want it to be brash
Honest

Just like me
All tears,
Jagged edges
Hurt and pain
All over
Just like me

I hate the sound of silence
So I've got music blasting
Away on earphones

(Makes it a little easier
to welcome the light
in the morning)

But
That's all cool
That's perfect

I am going to be fine

A year less to live
But it's alright
Let's raise a toast to that
 Sep 2013 Tessa Marie
Mike Hauser
Sharing secrets with a madman
Crunch Berries around the breakfast table
Pouring milk in jugs of nonsense
From cows in designer labels

Voices from the refrigerator
Offer cubes of sugar
Singing Carols in the springtime
Like it was Mid-December

The bacon interprets modern dance
Sizzling  in the frying pan
The lights flickering on and off in Morris code
Grocery prices in the Yucatan

As you talk about the weather
With the windows painted black
Talking in sideways motions
You wonder what's up with that

Sharing secrets with a mad man
Are the best secrets kept
 Sep 2013 Tessa Marie
brooke
Smile when you
cry so that a part
of you may be
happy when
all others are
sad.
(c) Brooke Otto
 Sep 2013 Tessa Marie
brooke
A hummingbird mistook
my father for a flower, what
a pure existence he must have.
(c) Brooke Otto
September 15th
I was drowning in depression
Desperation
I just needed someone to talk to

But I figured
There's nothing better than this
So I remained sitting
Cross-legged
On the floor of my bathroom cubicle
Jets of ice-cold water pouring
Over my head
My forehead
Eyes, Nose
Legs
Dripping down
Down
As a cloud of grey  
Enclosed me
Within itself


How do I even battle this
I thought
But that was just momentary
And it slipped away
Down, down, down
My mood remained downcast
Dreary

I wish the world could
W o u l d  f a d e  t o  g r e y
Comments?
I wonder if these words will reach you
Penning them down furiously
Wondering, thinking
What's your reaction?
Are you happy, exalted that I deem you
This important
Or does it even matter anymore
Brush me off, treat it with disdain
Shrug it off your shoulders
Like the burden of these words
Don't lie with you anymore

Hey,
What're you thinking?
Will these words even get to you
I don't know whether I should
Show it to you
I feel embarassed at the thought
Of this ever reaching you
And you knowing that it was about you
Would **** you
I know where you're at
Just not with me
I feel pathetic

Yes, this isn't going to reach you
I am not going to put it in a place
Where you'll know this is me
And the 'you' here is YOU

My heart fragments a bit
I feel more downcast now
I've stopped writing so furiously
Lean back a bit
Examine these words
The black, the blue

What's the point
If I don't show this to you
How will I know
Your reaction?
Comments?
Yes, I use violent imagery
Correction: I love using violent imagery
Does that annoy you?
Somehow set you off?

Is it because you wish
That I was a bit more 'normal'
A bit less pronounced, obvious
About who I am?

Are you annoyed because
You wish I'd feel embarrased
Of this part of myself?

Does it **** you off
To see me proudly display
My inner self-
all of it-
Without any of your foolish
Censoring?

Is it perhaps because
I am attempting to accept myself
Whatever I might be, its entirety?

Does it anger you
Because you
You bowed your head
And conformed when
Someone else came
And censored you?

But I
I refuse to do the same
For this is me
And I am not going to
Pick apart and,
Cut out
The bits of me you don't like
The shards
That form the complete picture

I refuse to allow
You to touch them
For this is ME
ME
Not you
Not your domain

**NOT under your control
This basically explains why I've been away
Atrocities committed
At the dead of night
She runs, feet pounding
Against the pavement
Desperately trying

t
o

f
i
n
d

a

w
a
y

o
u
t

Poor little girl
Darling little girl
She almost made it
Comments?
"You're my tool. I hope you remember that"*

The words were whispered to her
By a figure, sitting, cigarette clenched
Not yet lit; A lighter is tossed in her direction
She knows it isn't about their ego
It's a statement of her loyalty

Bends down on one knee
Kindles it with a match instead
Lighter still clutched in her hands
She walks out, leaving it on the table
Just beside the door
"I take my pride with me,"
She tossed back to the figure
Who was staring
At her disappearing back
A tired looking lady
With eyebags
Crumpled, wrinkled clothes
That are too big for her
Disguise whatever
Little curves remain
Her eyes
Dull
Black

She is drenched
Striding inside
Without a care
Like she belongs
In her shabby, shabby clothes
With her hair
A complete mess

She is soaked through and through
The thunder roars again
Muted due to the glass and steel walls
She walks in
A tiny spark
A flash of something
In her dull, dull eyes

People gossip
About perhaps an affair
A failed marriage
A mental breakdown
For one of those reasons
Maybe all of them

Generally, she comes
In the subway
Very particular
About umbrellas too
Today, she carries none
Little Miss Particular

She walks into
The manager's office
A letter neatly typed out
Black and white
Shielded by her brown
Worn coat
Three sizes too big

She has been working
For seven years at the firm
She puts it on the table
Says a polite, 'Thank you,
But I cannot do this anymore.'

And, she is out
Onto the streets
Her eyes
Still dull
A lady with crazy hair
The rain pelts down
As she disappears
Into the fog
I hope she found
What she was looking for
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