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Terri Dec 2018
She said I shouldn't worry too much
She'll be there even if life gets rough,
I've been told that I'm not enough
But that's okay I've been told a lot

Every time I feel down to my core
And  my eyes get sore
I know she'd be there to cheer me up
Like how an elevator goes up
But it would come down, it would come down
It's like she presses the buttons to keep it up

I know I'm too much
She can't take that much
I feel that she's gonna give up
It's about time that she's gon give up
She's tired and got enough

I'm not that worth it and that *****
I won't be surprised
When the time comes
And I can't feel her care
I know because it was too much
All my problems were too much
And it was enough.
Terri Dec 2018
Look up, Get high
Hope to die; Swear to live
Swear to leave, can't really wait
No matter what you say
Still gonna leave
Say the right words
or maybe not
Say the wrong words
Make it faster
Make me leave
Cause I can't take it anymore
Getting high then I go low
Going long then I feel short
I'm a lost boy, that's what they said
Got lost on my head; Abused my health
I'm a boy going all in; Life's at stake
Like a good poker game
Either win or lose
live or die; hope it's die
yeah what a waste ( I am)
I'm a waste of good life
Accident on the year 2001
Yeah something happened
An accident happened,
I happened
Terri Dec 2018
I thought I was doing fine
Used the word fine
To define this feeling I can't define
But "fine" ain't the word, it ain't the feeling to
I thought I was feeling all better
I thought I was swimming better
I thought everything going to be better,
I was just drowning
Because I thought I was feeling better
It's not gonna feel good, never
Stop now, right now
End now, start now
Feel good, Feel good
How it would, it'll be good
Gone now, dead now
Good bye now; right now
Terri Nov 2018
I'd be swimming in my ocean
Swim till I drown and
I know that my arms will worn out
****'s gonna get good, hope that I'll feel good,

Leap in that deep ******* water
Dive till I reach the end and never come back again,
But I don't wanna drown,wait maybe I do
End it when my head goes under
And count to ten and wait till it's over,
Used to be a cloud up high
That's what you'll feel
When you're always that high,
Smiling like a 9-year-old with a candy
If it drops down, you know it's about to get teary
Well that's what I feel, that's what I always feel

Now I'm at the edge, thinking about to end it,
Everything just seems to fall apart
And I don't wanna be a part of it
I don't wanna be the cause of it
Say no goodbyes and just go on with it
It's now or never, end it now before I get sober,
I'll be swimming deeper now
And leave the world forever
Terri Nov 2018
Got a bad habit of smoking
Good thing that ****'s helping,
Then I get high again;
What a nice feeling to forget things
Drink till I'm intoxicated
Scream out the pain
That's inside of my chest
Talk about the things in my head;
What I want to do with me
To dust off all the discomfort,
That I've been having all my life,
I'm all in this together, because
Everyone gave up on me
Maybe I'll give up on myself also,
Tired of the torment in my life
Because of thinking of someone's there
To reach out, to hold my hand till the very end,
I should just hold my own
Hope that I'll be there when I float again
Then fall down and catch myself
And end all the pain
That's just a paraphrased
Of " End myself"
Terri Nov 2018
accompanied with difficulties
not by difficulty in breathing
nor difficulty physically,
but the difficulty of lacking
of the feeling of an emotion
pertaining to a human *****
that keeps the blood circulating
my body moving, mind; thinking
the heart, that is, that's it
that's what I'm speculating
being the power of everything
that keeps my useless body moving,
my mindless head thinking
and the lack of something
that to me means everything,
that no one is giving, because
I lack the courage of asking
because who am I to receive?
of that something I always give
eyes;swollen due to the
twenty four seven crying
hands weary, eyes yet teary
nonstop of giving everyone my hand
yet they don't notice, my arms worn out,
dropping tears to my paper that I tear
yet no one got my attention
that I'm in tears, weeping
of this something, that is causing
all this pain inside my chest
and got me questioning
do i really need to be here?
when no one is there to hear
should i leave now? for good
for the better of everyone?
and take my place 6 feet down below
because it hurts, it hurts, it hurts
everything that is happening to me
it hurts, so much, tha- th-- that
sometimes i don't feel it no more
and just give myself thoughts
to end everything for good
for the sake of the pain
for the sake of everyone
that it's much better without me,,,
words can be knives
several of it already pierced me
and i wont be surprised by myself
if i pierce one to myself ,,,
push hard through the heart
and end all the pain and suffering,
i -i just want everything to end
i- i-i ---it really hurts
i just want it to end
Terri Oct 2018
Take me away
Because I'm tired of all this ******* in my life
Take me away

Because no one was never really there for me
Take me away

End my misery and all the pain
Because every single day I'm losing myself
I can't maintain the comfort that I get
What I could maintain is the pain that I cause
Myself, to lose me, to lose myself
To lose every single person that is true

Take me away
I don't know what I'l do anymore

Take me away
Because you said I was someone to you
But sadly you say that to everyone
Now I feel like I'm  no one
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