Am
I
wrong

to
love
you

Every man
I meet
is nothing
but a shadow
of you

Every laugh
every touch
every word
reminds me
I can’t
I won’t
I don’t
have you

It’s not distance
It’s terror
If you see me
really see me
I’ll destroy
us
before you can

I want you
so much
it hurts
it twists
my chest
my stomach
my head
into fire

You deserve
everything
I can’t give
anything
I can’t
I won’t
I shouldn’t

So I watch
I wait
I rot
I burn
I ache
I bleed
quietly
alone

Even in silence
I burn for you
Even in stillness
I am empty
Even in the ache
I still want you
I still need you
I still love you

And it
kills
me

i’ve never loved, not like they say,
not in that soul-devouring way.
i’ve never been held like i'm the light,
never been kissed like it felt right.’

not the love a parent gives with grace,
i’ve had that—warmth, a safer place.
but not the fire, the fevered kind,
the touch that melts both flesh and mind.

they say love burns, leaves marks so deep,
keeps you awake when you should sleep.
but all i’ve felt is passing skin,
lust that ends where it begins.

i thought i loved, i really tried,
but now i know—i might have lied.
i’ve chased a ghost i never knew,
and every time, it slipped right through.

maybe love’s not mine to find,
maybe it’s written for another kind.
maybe my fate is words on page,
a heart that bleeds but hides its cage.

so i write it down, instead of speak,
my hands are strong, but my voice is weak.
i’m scared to love, to lose control,
to let someone in and not stay whole.

perhaps i’m meant to ache in rhyme,
to love through poems, line by line.
maybe my heart was built to break,
to write the love i’ll never make.

i live in this body i barely know,
twisted and shaped just to make you glow.
every move rehearsed, every smile forced,
drowning in silence you never endorsed.

i cut to feel what you never gave,
blood on my skin, my soul a grave.
each slice goes deeper, still not enough,
bleeding myself raw to prove my love.

my skin’s on fire, burns through the night,
all this pain hidden out of sight.
breaking to pieces, shattered and torn,
trying to wake the heart that’s worn.

your hands stayed cold, never reached in,
watched me crumble, let me spin.
i begged, i bent, gave all i had,
left scarred and bruised, broken and sad.

lost in this skin that isn’t mine,
bleeding in silence, dying inside.
i’m cracked and torn, can’t hold it in,
broken and waiting, can you let me in?

i feel so small, a fading spark.
i miss your voice that lit the dark.
your eyes, they flickered, wouldn’t stay,
always running, pulled away.

i know that urge, that quiet flight,
to dodge the mirror, dodge the light.
i’ve run from names i used to wear,
from thoughts that choke the silent air.

this body feels like borrowed skin,
a shell i never settled in.
but then, your laugh, a fleeting flame,
when i said something dumb, by name.

you smiled, and for a breath or two,
i almost felt like someone new.
your gaze would trace me, soft and slow,
like blinking once would let me go.

you never touched, you held your breath,
like love itself might summon death.
or worse, that reaching out for me
would turn a ghost to memory.

we lived in almosts, nearly whole,
a half-made bed, a tangled soul.
almost loving, never quite,
daydreams dying every night.

and maybe you just stayed so still,
afraid to fall, afraid to feel.
but i have shattered, piece by piece
you missed the cracks, you missed the crease.

you weren’t looking. not enough.
you called it love, but called my bluff.
now i’m the echo, fading, done.
still standing here.
still on the run.

i feel so small.
i miss your voice.
your eyes.
how they never stayed
always running.

i know the feeling.
i’ve run too
from the sound of my name,
from my thoughts
when the room gets quiet.
from the way my body
feels like a costume i never chose.

but then your laugh.
when i say something stupid
just to hear it.
like maybe if you smile,
i'll stay whole
for another hour.

your eyes traced me.
slow.
like i’d disappear
if you blinked.
like touching me
would crack the illusion.
or worse
make it true.

we live in almosts.
almost touching.
almost loving.
almost real.

and maybe
you’re waiting for me to fall apart
so you won’t have to.

but i already did.
you just didn’t see it.
you weren’t looking.