I am stuck in a part of my
life that nobody else is in

speaking a foreign tongue
repeating strange rituals
talking of places
most call imaginary
and dreaming dreams
in a sleepless
land

I am drifter and an outcast
a blasphemer to some
a prophet to others
but nobody
really knows
which

I am surrounded
but time is my only
companion

I beg them to understand
but they are not capable
they stare at me
and I stare back
both of us wide-eyed,
wondering, thinking in
our minds:

what savagery
thrives
here

there are soft little pieces of forever shoved into the corners of your teeth
on the granite slabs of mountainous look-outs,
you sharpen
long walking sticks from boughs of fragrant juniper.
and forget to pass the small berries to the birds that like them

its been a long time

wicking out the passion from moments that will out live us.
and trying to understand the fine pulverized sand in the fissures:
spreading out like veins across boulders that support
the weight.
our bodies-
carefully outlining the places where silent embryos come apart,

dragging the backs of our fingernails across the green-grey stone with open palms
to catch the stardust we
think
tumbles out of the ether-

casting off all of my anger.  as i watch the tiny
flecks of destiny caught in the tips of your eyelashes as they close-
and the greatest tragedy of all,

as the blue becomes blue.
this (and only this)-
no one to share the view

it's one of those lazy Sundays where your stomach is full
you are
almost content in your procrastination
you are
just happy to digest
your day
and your weekly home-cooked meal
but you still know that there is
work to be done
an echo in the back of your mind keeps saying
(do it tomorrow... tomorrow..tomorrow)

Today
Today *****
It makes me sad and angry.
It makes me regret past decisions.
It makes me wonder if it could be different.
Or if it was inevitable.
Today ******* *****.

there is a beautiful world
just outside my window,
unattainable and smug.

she would hug me
when all the anger and sadness
and depression got too much
and in a moment of final weakness
I would cry tears as
my way of praying
and she would come, like a god,
and take me into her arms
whispering to me, cooing me,
telling me that all was forgiven,
all would be okay, and,
eventually, once the shudders
had stopped but the tears were
still wet on my face I would
raise my head and  look
into her beautiful eyes
and she would smile then
and kiss me with her soft lips
and it was only then that I knew
how to forgive myself, to forgive
god, forgive the universe, and
move on, holding her hand
until I could run free again
and go and get my heart hurt
all over again

Ya know, Life is funny as ****

Until it hits the fan, than its hilarious!

What happened, oh red-headed one?
You came busting into our lives
Riding a big white horse
To save the girl,
Who could have saved herself,
But chose you;
Wanted you.
You were lucky enough to be chosen;
Wonderful enough to enter our lives.
Not just hers, because it's kind of a packaged deal.
So please, oh please, good sir,
Don't break her heart.
I love her too much and you too
To see any hurt come from this.
Please, oh please, let this be a misunderstanding,
A weird phase,
Anything but a end
To a wonderfully written story
Filled with love, hope, growth, and understanding.
I can't bare to see it
I just don't know what to do.
I want to hug you both and make it all ok,
Like a kiss on a boo-boo,
And see both of your smiles
Light up the room.
Because it's getting rather dark in here...

I look like I'm not troubled.
Fact is, deep within, I'm in a ball, curled and doubled.
Inside of my Soul,
Piercing shrieks are all that are heard
The opacity of night is brighter than magnified light compared to the darkness that is so profound.
Within the Inside of my Soul,
To reach my demise is a wish upon a star,
of which is only a vague experience dreamt
.
Within the Inside of my Soul,
On the surface I may feel fine, traverse deeper... there, now you are where the madness is withheld. Further yet, and I know not what you shall find!
Within the Inside of my Soul,
This region is neither authored by my body nor my mind.
The Inside of my Soul,
Consistently it stirs for either omniscient peace,
or to end the constant turmoil and cease
Within the Inside of my soul,
I see no imminent release,
Within the Inside of my Soul,
As does the Sun, my Soul either rises or sets, yet it never rests... even when unseen
Within the Inside of my Soul,
As my heart beats the blood that constantly flows, So too never is there rest within,
The Inside Of My Soul!

-end-

Revised from Feb. 18th, 2009 which is as follows:

"Inside of my soul"(Original)

I look like I'm not troubled,
but the truth is, I'm in a ball, curled and doubled.
Inside of my soul,
only screams are heard and the night is light compared to the dark that is so thick with in the inside of my soul
death is a wish upon a star, of which is only dreamt, inside of my soul.
Yes, I might feel fine, go a little deeper, then you will reach my mind, there, now you are where my madness is withheld. but further still, I know not what you shall find.
Inside of my soul, this place is not under the control of my body or mind.
My soul, it constantly stirs for either peace or to one day cease.
I CANT GET A GRIP! So I pray for a release; Inside of my soul.
Like the sun, it either rises or sets, yet it never rests, even when unseen
Like the blood that flows from my heart to my body, there is no rest with in the
Inside of my Soul.

-end-

The razor trembles in my hand
Empty walls can't help but stare
At the soul who will eventually
Lie cold and bare

For I couldn't remember
When there was a light
Everywhere I looked
Was darkness and fright

So I pull the blade closer
Uttering one last goodbye
God, why did I have to be so ugly
When I cried?

And as I watch the sink go red
Life oozing out of me in crimson threads
A thought still lingers in the air
When I'm gone, will anyone care?