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20.2k · Mar 2012
My Handsome Man
Tearani C Mar 2012
The curve of your bottom lip,
The contrast of red on your perfect white teeth,
Under that tilted half smile.
You’re shining at me.
The rough surface of your hands,
And how perfectly mine fits.
The smell of you so sweet,
So different, so perfect and calming.
Your demeanor so charming,
The way I’m pulled to you ,
Matched with the way you never
Ever let me go, never leave me alone.
Never tell me to go.
I’m lost in your big eyes,
Wrapped up in your big arms.
There. Is. No. place. Better. Than. Your. Chest.
Your better than my bed at home.
You are better than all the rest.
And I trust you more than you’ll ever know.
I’ve fallen so far in love, grown so far up,
You have fixed me and you’ll never know
The way your soft skin catches light a
A soft glow.
And I know, better than you know,
That you are everything good.
Love you my handsome man.
7.3k · Apr 2012
A Mothers Aspirations
Tearani C Apr 2012
If I am the mother to a million poems landing on def ears and
a single one grows slowly to learn your language than
I will surly transcend into a kind of euphoria
and swim in satisfaction.
If I am the mother to a thousand ideas
and none but one shall strike you
but it is so loud the ground you stand on trembles
Than I will cross the threshold of my potential
knowing I have finally listened long enough to say something undeniable.
If I whisper a hundred nothings onto notebook paper
and after a hundred years a single sentence means something substantial to a individual..
than I have done something innately  good
and larger than myself; a single mother to a million poems
Tearani C Nov 2012
I used to find myself in the reflection of that water,
And cleans myself of troubled thoughts
At rivers bend , claim name as abandon daughter,
I whispered into every tear my shame and greatest fears,
That after all these years that I had made it clear
That no love was real, and that I should persevere.
To have my heart torn out, torn before me.
I soothed it’s hot wounds in the lapping wake
In the ripples that my teardrops make
Examined as the flesh grew mark,
Record each pain in pink puckered scar.
I used to find myself in the reflection of that water,
Strip bear my inhabitations lay bare to naked skin,
Laugh at indiscretion, death, and fear when I dove in.
Dove down into the waters where silence overtook,
To noise and sleepy slumber of the flowing living brook.
I used to concentrate on beauty and the confidence life took,
And drown my insecurities and grin at boys who looked.
I used to find myself in the reflection of that water,
In the moons bright light astride the bank
when summer nights grew hotter.
I used to let the water pull me to the center of myself,
Let it hold onto me when I was lost to everybody else,
I used to sing it lullaby’s , until I found myself,
Now I’m getting older, they say the waters gotten cold,
And I have gotten harder but that I have gotten bold,
And I know I’m apt at swimming but there are some
Bridges I have known, but sometimes I think of running water
Over my frayed and frazzled soul.
But a storm is coming closer with terror in its clouds,
Hiding in shrouds of chaos , with rain that’s falling down,
It’s tearing away the sandy banks and washed my water out.
It took away some part of me and held it tell it drown.
I wonder what I can see of myself in the wake of all this change,
Now all that’s left to do, is start wading through the pains.
And fallow thoughts that whisper “if I see myself the same”,
And I’ll remember I used to find myself
In the reflection of that water,
How much she cared for me
And how much I was taught there
And how everything has changed.
But I have left my mark there.
3.4k · Nov 2012
Not all is lost
Tearani C Nov 2012
Not all can be lost in the midst of so much.
Not all can be lost in the thought of your touch,
And the sound of your sighs, the indescribable look
With brightening eyes and the patience it took.
Perhaps I have given you no more than you deserve,
And still what do I possess that was more than your words?
Hold me; hold me now like you did before,
Before the disillusionment before love swayed to war.
Call to me tell me my name, so I can answer
And you can know that I came. My love
I only want to feel safe with my heart in your hands.
I only want to be close enough to feel you from where I stand.
I remember candle light and sharing souls I remember long
Stairs into starlit eyes and bearing the scares we wore
Compared to recent wounds. Hush now it rains,
When your eyes mist over my old pains ache,
Like my wrist and my heart in my chest,
You are all of the things I've grown to like best.
So you lied and I feel you steeling my perception of us,
Slowly returning head down with my mad mangled trust.
As the ground shook I felt it all lost.
I know that’s not true, I know that I must
Know something of who you are,
You’re the same sweet handsome boy,
Who first made me see stars.
And a brand new mark among the scars on my heart.
Tearani C Mar 2012
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3.0k · Jan 2013
I am enough
Tearani C Jan 2013
I fell in love with the feel of the earth beneath my feet,
With the set of my arms and the cold on my face,
I fell in love with the things that I see and the people I meet,
I feel so madly in love with the sway of my hips,
When I’m walking away when I’m feeling like this.
I fell in love with my clever remarks, my hair and my heart,
Fell in love with the way you can’t tear me apart,
I fell in love with feeling like enough,
And knowing I’m strong, I’m stable, I’m tough.
I fell in love with the girl in the mirror
With her scratches and bruises I’m so proud that she’s here,
With her brilliant blue eyes laying claim to her dreams,
That glistens and sparkle such beautiful things,

I’ve fallen in love with all of my freedoms,
With how I cast off my chains screaming I’d beat them.
Through torture and heartbreak, through hopes gone and died,
Through horrible moments and losing my pride,
Through promises destroyed with lies and deceit,
Through all of the things you cast down on me,
I fought and I prayed to the cold in that place,
I practiced my aim, against the words you misplaced.
I pushed through all those words that you murmured,
The very same ones I strangled and murdered,
That now lay still at my feet, reviling the person
I always knew I could be, Unnerved and wide open,
with fresh pains and fresh hopes
No one will ever tear me down
Not while she is here
I will let  those burdens go and cast away my tears
Knowing good and well that I have  killed  my fears and
I am with the one I love and I’m so proud she’s here.
2.5k · Feb 2012
Ms.understood
Tearani C Feb 2012
Misunderstood please understand.

You hear, you think what you thought you would,
You remember what you thought before.
You close that door and think some more.
Remember the color of the emerald words I gave?
Do you remember the crisp noise of connections that they made?
Now do you?
Misunderstood.

You hear me through the speakers of your mind,
Little twists and bends and changes, you crinkle all my story pages.
You still remember what you felt before.
You close the door and feel some more.
Do you remember the scarlet words I gave you?
They gushed out of my torn heart like glistening blood?
NOW DO YOU?
Misunderstood.

All the noise running together in your head,
You try to open your moth to let some escape.
And when they pour out I sit down and take in the color.
Dear I fear that you could never really hear.
Emeralds ran into all the simple blue that’s you to blend into the scarlet.
Connections dissolved, you don’t, you
Misunderstood.

The words I gave are gone.
Your mind mixed hear and changed it there and turned it into brown.
I gave you all the beautiful colors of the rainbow,
But you would not take them for what they where.
You changed them, and held them together until it was all different
Until they where made all made the same.
Misunderstood.

This becomes the color of the truths you push away, and the words you mix around.
You find yourself spiting out this endless dingy brown .
I close the door, your spilling out onto the floor.
Keep what you have made I don’t want it, its yours.
Misunderstood.

Your not misunderstood, miss I’m to tired to stand.
Don’t blame the hand made reluctant to help ,
Your to covered with dirt for my brushing to help.
I know you , I love you , but I cannot make my miss understand.
I know my miss understood so I know that she can.

But she wont. I wonder why.
I have no patience to dote on you precious little feelings,
I’m so tired of the brown. Stop mixing colors, oh miss.
Until you make some changes I will have to leave you
Sitting and spiting on the dingy brown ground.
I love you miss I hope you understand.
*Mis I know that you did so Mis I know that you can.
Tearani C Sep 2012
He says he says so many things, that ring and sing in my head,
She says things and she never regrets things, that means everything.
If I don’t like myself so much I just hush up and listen with a rush
And blood pushes old thoughts of friendships back to the surface,
To revisit I flourish, nourish my crushed ego back to health,
With myself image, the key to a happier self.
If I could capture how they see me and leave it live stream
While I’m dreaming I would feel worth it,
Broken, sarcastic, supportive, gorgeous and worth it.
My baggage looks like nothing to them compared to my
Kick *** advice and ability to stick around,
How funny I am when I play clown drying your tears,
And laughing at things that aren’t funny.
She thinks I’m the coolest sense sliced bread,
And he says I’m the only one he lets so far into his cryptic head.
And they all say I am the strongest girl they have ever met.
2.0k · Nov 2012
And i will miss you
Tearani C Nov 2012
It’s the way the sun bounces off the gravel and the smell of wet moss mixed
With the edge of old cigarettes and tree sap,
It’s the gap between memories and fuzzy impressions
Of past existences mixed with recaptured instances
And empirical proof that my childhood existed.
In the way light moves heaver through the air there
Until branches from the walnut lift and you can hear scrub jays,
And the echo of cans that  rattled
In perfect belonging with the march of smacking sandal shoes
Chasing along black pavement toward dirt roads
And children’s kindred spirits running after water.
The heavy sent of fresh fallen rain on old pain and yellow
Paint and trumpet flowers that play silent music
To the ears of a young person discovering existence
Exploring persistence and resilience and
Coming forth out of darkened nights with the
Resurrected brilliance of the maimed sick and twisted
Soldiers of life from these former generations.
Never has a place existed as hell and heaven
Like this museum of familial dysfunction.
I stand here at junction between, panic struck sadness,
And the will for the gumption to say goodbye
To a past with dwindling survivors
And sour memories. Praying a thank you to dark space
For the fond thought of their wrinkled faces
And a grandeur lesson of all that I want not,
And for the first thing my life to stay in one place
For the duration of its chaos.
Sweet wicked, loving woman ,
The remnants of my childhood will die with you.
I assume I will hide my tears in your  memory.
My past my memories myself, I hate the parts I love
And fear a kind of numbness at the loss of you
At the loss of this chunk of myself
And of all the things that will slip my grasp
When so much of my life is confined
To the constantly desecrating atmosphere of my mind.
And when I turn to find
The first cornerstone of my existence,
My support and experience I will
See only shadows and the pasts of real things,
And I will miss you.
2.0k · May 2013
regrets
Tearani C May 2013
You are the whisper out of darkness  
Murmured through pursed lips
The dip in temperature
A chill that sits against
The brim of misting eyes
That hides in hopeless sighs
And I think I’ve lost you
To your ghost, your name
Hosts all these bones
In closest mocks me taunts
and worse yet
I fret that all this emptiness
Is just a mockquet
this is leading up to something.
A real piece of work
Titled regrets, lets
Reflect on your unsettling lack of subtleties
My role model , how sad is that
All dressed in drunk swag stagger
A fake front you called confidence
And vulgarity you called humor
I will swallow all these distant dreams
Let you settle in my mind then I’ll call you tumor
Call you tremor call you st st stutter
Call you all the words I never uttered
I could just call you my fathers mother,
But that leads with some misconception
I can’t conceive as an accurate description
So listen I’ll just end this in love and pain and stress
We’ll leave in silence and different pains in our empty chests
I guess we’ll be leaving holding our breaths and i'll just keep on living
with these regrets.
1.8k · Jun 2012
I need my nightlight
Tearani C Jun 2012
I wonder how bright my tears shimmered
Refracting your flickering light,
I wonder what thoughts had filtered,
Through your changing mind that night.
Your smile builds me upright,
Until it quivers and I fall
To pieces under nightlights
Until morning sooths and calms.
But nothing feels quite as right
As crying in your arms,
While laughing at our fears
Pretending nothings wrong,
Pretending that you would stay forever,
Until the day you’ve gone.
Every night without your light
Just seems to dark and long.
1.6k · Jun 2012
Unsaid
Tearani C Jun 2012
Nothing taunts me like the unsaid.
Nothing stops me like an ache in my chest
And an empty page,
Builds frustration
Up to the cliff and
Tips it into blind rage.
Irritating , irritating…
I keep thinking when  I’m older I will know something.
All I know is I am wrong  
Same song they were singing when I was
Small enough and swinging,
Face feeling the wind,
Thinking I’d never see a face again,
Not a single one I cared to
You said I‘d never see you.
Promises all fell through
The fragile surface constructed
Of your BOLD face lies.
I hate you, I hate you…
But you must have always known that.
Because nothing taunts me like the unsaid,
And lets face it
you never said enough.
1.5k · Sep 2012
You know what kills me
Tearani C Sep 2012
Do you know what kills me more than all the others that walked away?
Your gentle sway and the way the light plays in your bright eyes,
The build of your shoulders and the sound of your sighs.
It puts me to sleep ends my misery ,the way your kissing me
Breaths life back into me, is creating a heaven out of my reality
And breaking my walls down to show me my opportunities.
It moves me closer to my light erupting into flame,
When I watch the way your tender lips -caress around my name.
The feelings I get when I’m so tightly pressed
Against  every sweet smelling inch of your broad lovely chest,
How it takes away breath at the beat of your heart
And  how every “ I love you” left its own mark,
From the first time you said it, when we met at the start.
Mingling nicely with your sunrays spraying sparks,
Your presence  in all when you’re standing so tall
Is so overwhelming, that look in your eyes,
Tells stories of desires and wanting that yearns
The distance between us screams while it burns
And when you walk away, you’ll **** me for sure.
1.5k · May 2012
Southern twang ( LuminUmbra)
Tearani C May 2012
You started off
Creating snapshots out of words you caught,
Shouting out my name calling to my interests.
I was happy to come and be softly
Caressed by words that hate, love, feel, taste
To mediate for my torn heart strings
To just listen to the poem,
Re-understand’em get to know them.
Stick around long enough for soft images
To reconcile lost moral, revive my sense of self.

Opening led to spilled words,
You must have smiled to have heard,
Because you retorted immediately, messaged
A kind word. You became a friend of the pen,
Than a pen pal and then Stepping from
Ambiguity of dark tree limbs you
Climbed into my heart and became my friend.

The only problem is that moment you transformed,
From rhymes and font on page, to a voice
with dialect, Tenor, Volume
and inflection, something changed.
Poems I have read a dozen times,
I just can’t read the same, Because
every time I end a line
I hear a southern twang.
1.5k · Mar 2012
Upon Meeting You
Tearani C Mar 2012
My intuition flashes like a hot flair shot desperately into an empty sky
Where no one cast a seeing eye and I myself can only smell,
The charade a supernova a chemical shimmering sun
What seems to me to be the bitter sweet vapors of the powder of a gun
An empty thrill that builds atop  unspoken words that usher.
Beneath the glare and a quickened stare I take a liking
to the lightning striking, a sharp spike on the wrong side
of the mountain we’ve been hiking, to get that
Panoramic view of you I’ve been lusting so long after,
a ****** addiction for your airy laughter like
the parched summer air with wide banks cradling sensual water
Lapping at the sand, the firm grasp of a hot hand.
You still stand eyes blinking kiss me, mouth unmoving murmur miss me,
Heartbeat quaking behind the curtain of your chest yelling at me
To take a chance. Wearing silence so inviting I sense,
You’re a trap unset to catch, but you don’t know
You’ll love me yet. You step through the doorway,
I turn my head to my feet, I don’t need to see to feel
My intuition flashing like a hot flair shot desperately into an empty sky
Where no one cast a seeing eye and I myself can only smell,
the charade a supernova a chemical shimmering sun
What seems to me to be the bitter sweet vapors of the powder of a gun
An empty thrill that builds atop unspoken words that usher
Beneath the glare and a quickened stare I take a liking
to the lightning striking, a sharp spike on the inside of every vain
You’ve not a word spoken, and yet I know I will never be the same.
Tearani C Dec 2012
What is one to do with a heart that’s been torn out? What am I to do but try to tease it back to life and stitch it up, I can’t very well let this piece of me die can i? Perhaps I want to the ache would end. This cold would finally end. I clinch the scared mess of tissue in my chilled fingers. The thing hardly gives a shallow beat anymore perhaps it’s already dead. I feel a bit like I’m already dead just a miserable empty shell that keeps wondering aimlessly. I think about how it felt to feel the warmth of my own pumping blood and I can’t exactly remember. I feel the muscle contort lazily in my hand. No it’s still alive I think. I bring it to my face balancing it on my palm worrying over its fate. And like that the fragile thing is snatched from me.
What should I say to him? You’re a pretty boy who stole my heart absolutely stole it and there’s little I can do about it. I so freely give it away to be trampled upon. Why would he even want it? Its scabbed over with fresh wounds layered in abstract patterns over deep puckered scars. My heart my greatest treasure has grown weary and diminished in its value after so much damage.  He must see that when you ponder its texture in your hands. Why would he choose mine to run away with? Why would he take something no one else has wanted for any reason other than to break? What does he plan to do with such a thing? I can take no more!
You’re going to hide it from me aren't you? He is going to leave me cold with that gaping wound in my chest ! He is going to leave like all the rest but this time I will not hope to mend my wounds, I will die!! Or worse I will live with this terrible ache, as a bitter cold person a used tormented person with nothing to give. Give it back! My panic ridden frigid fingers grasp at his arm and his warmth invades me. Electricity dances on my skin and my heart beats faster where it rests in his palm. It responds to his simulations in violent ways and I realize my heart is his. Hidden from me, or returned it will never truly be my own.I Could hardly keep it alive very much less induce a reaction like that. What matters now is my frigid touch against his heated chest. I feel it beat faster. His hearts never been taken or rejected never marked hardly neglected. A tinny mummer and that is all. I can’t even get to his heart, he never offers it. I’m scared I can’t tell if I have everything or if I will be left with nothing. Still I am enamored by the warmth; he is warm, so warm.
He places the ****** sputtering thing in his pocket. I lean against him for his warmth and he pounders me with his big blue eyes. I feel my heart beat fast dancing strangely against his jacket. I am as confused as he looks, with that beautiful smirk appearing on his face and curiosity burning in his eyes. I simply don’t understand. And I wonder to myself what it is I am doing.
“Why did you take it?” I whisper my resolve dissolving in his gaze.
“ To keep it safe,” he replied a disapproving crease appearing on his brow like he was remembering the textured scars running beneath his fingertips. “To keep you close” he murmured his eyes changing almost imperceptibly at his quiet confession. “Because I want it.” He finished his chin lifting slightly as if challenging me to refute it. I was too tired to fight for such a broken thing, and I knew I couldn't win. I was to desperate to want to think I could believe it. I rested there against him in silent thought, it was warm there. He watched my face equally silent as he wrapped his arm around me. My heart sputtered again as I pulled my face in closer against his warmth. I sat there waiting for it to calm I pressed my pink ear against him and heard another bombardment of heartbeats from the other side of his rib cage.  A hope I didn't know existed showed itself in my hidden smile. Nothing has ever seemed so scary, nothing ever so promising nothing ever so improbable. Perhaps I think to myself this is love.
An honest explanation of how I happened across my first real love.
Tearani C Apr 2012
Intricate matrixes of words
Strung delicately one after another,
Flowing from unseen fountain,
Flowing beneath a cryptic mountain
Melding Into one another, so far as I can see it
Nothing absolute can be created from the puddle
That’s collected all my muddled thoughts,
Stagnate, is indignant to the fact that life survives in motion,
Lost to the notion that change is not bearable
But instead it is, it is inevitable.
Tell that to the cryptic mountain resisting the change
Holding on so desperately to every spec of dirt,
Until in turn gravity tears it from its grip.
Yes the mountain is grounded
But is it equipped? Water is quick.
But it just moves dirt and mountains that spent
An eternity building up , and what kind of
Grounding is earth hurdling back toward earth?
Astounding yes, resounding in your heart and head
Your aspirations bounding? Remaining unchanged,
Except a small tilt in your perception so insignificant
You don’t know that gravity just stole a spec of your dirt.
You have on a micro level come unearth
But regardless of your element you will be
Subjected to the erosion until you are a flat plain,
Or a calm stream or eventually a stagnate puddle.
But you would never know
That you are the highest humbled,
The grandest grounded, and if you can puddle
Without being stagnate you are the ocean
Until you were there you wouldn’t know it would you?
Well unless you read I said it, then maybe then,
But again I doubt it.
1.2k · May 2012
Waffle
Tearani C May 2012
Today he climbed into my dresser drawer
To find a place to sleep, that might hide him
From the outside world
From everyone but me, he has always loved boxes
Of every shape and size,
When ones too small inside he’ll crawl
Tell fur runs over sides,
With paws sprawled and purr rolling,
And batting at my heart
I knew the day we got this cat that
We would never part.
1.2k · Apr 2012
Missing my Capri bug
Tearani C Apr 2012
A lady bug crawled across my dreams today,
I thought it was odd, being so cold out and all.
Sways in and out of consciousness, oblivion
In and out of this light I’ve been living in.
On the big ball I’m living on, spinning with.
I’m a broken insomniac packed with adrenaline.
Sirens blaring and dead eyes staring in my head,
So loud here trapped beneath everything
A dull thrumming gentle humming,
So loud the soul of my shoe vibrates,
To the bad vibes of thier raw hate.
Simple centering while I meditate.
Tell myself there is a thing to call a happy place.
Pieced to pieces fabricated memories,
Like a puzzle missing pieces.
But I fell asleep today, long before
Four in the morning like a normal human.
Sanity came to the ushered sound of gentle snoring.
And a lady bug crawled across my dreams today,
For some reason it made me think of you.
And the soft sway that’s your way,
I thought you were here but I woke
**** choke the tears **** them
And your gone. you are the best dream,
Best one lately anyway when I miss you like this.
Best I have ever had and a common thief
Of my sleeping dreams
Scaring my eyes open for so long
I finally start to see a common theme
Remember that lady bug that ran across
My memories.
Seeing you would easily sooth me back to sleep
And until then i grin over silly things,
Like your wide eyes when a lady bug crawled
Up your knee.
Capri, I miss you.
Tearani C Jan 2014
we need to build better bridges,
the floods are coming soon,
and sometimes my heart feels empty echoing and doomed,
but lately iv been full with this ache and temptation
to whisper into your lovely ear my hopes for our creation.
listen
I am broken,
I have fallen over sentences I swear I have  misspoken
I am a poet tied to a vocabulary dying of deprivation
no i have lived that pain, this must be crucifixion,
my faith in everything was shaking
and now i'm sorting through this rubble thinking...
perhaps this will be my resurrection
this will be my reawakening.
there is a  need for me to see,
perhaps a need to remain humbled.
to relearn to juggle knives
just un-jumble.  
And grapple with my life so I can comprehend the meaning
Of just  breathing
and stop and see me,
For what I am for what I’m being,
For what I say for what you’re seeing and I’m  sorry
I’m cut, I’m broken , I’m bleeding, I’m lost misleading
I'm caught red handed freeing all the daemons
I’ve been meaning to deal with,

they spit and spin and grin at this brokenness
I wear
Like my own skin
Covered at the hopes of staying warm but only managing to create a line
Of what’s out there and what’s within,
To thin to keep things straight
I hate feeling this way,
But I love living these things,

And Your pain pains me and
I stay up late thinking you free me, you need me and
Maybe…
Just maybe, simply we are.
And that simplicity  has meaning
You are  all I could ever want or ask or need  to start believing.

I see that we are flying on struggling wings
In violent winds and your hand and my hand
Reach for similar things ..
And I love you I just wanted to say
When I’m broken I just want you to stay,
When I’m sinking…
I’m only thinking of pain
And when I’m with you
You’re the very first ray
Breaking horizon and giving life to new day,
You are second chances and hope,
You are ******* up and inconceivable pain
You are the ticket to knowing I’m alive every day.
Sometimes I cringe
Sometimes I’m wrapped in my own pain and I do things
Dressed as A devil in red,
From your heart Ill break open when the dark sets in,
From the lashes I've spoken with sharp words against soft skin
Quipped to quickly and singed in un-intention
filled with regret.

But we have this whole life to live and its time that we set
Ourselves against the lies we tell
about happiness and pain,
How closely there related and how everything’s the same.
I’m killing expectations leaving them to drown
In the waves of anxious teardrops you leave falling to the ground
So I can tell you from my knees
In hushed tones aimed to feel like desperate please
You  will  hurt  me,
And more than anything I apologize for what falling in love really means.
For the depths of the hurt that will come from these things.
And that you’re welcome for every night I’ll keep you warm,
For all the safety you will gain in the harbor of my arms,
I’m sorry for being overwhelming so much more than we can comprehend
And that more than absolutely everything I love that you’re my friend.
I know I **** the plan up.
I know we have both been lost
I’m sorry that truly loving always comes at such a cost.
But I know that we are worth it if I know nothing else.
You make me feel proud on the days I manage
To love you even more than I can even  love myself
Because you deserve to know those things
You deserve to know you count.
You deserve to know I’m sorry because I know I’ll let you down.
You ought to realize I've chosen you to be the one to  stay
So I can give you all  I’m worth
on the rays of brand new days
And that sometimes when I’m holding you
it makes me want to pray.
1.1k · Nov 2013
Faith
Tearani C Nov 2013
I broke away, suddenly and on unsure wings
I stepped forward swiftly into darkness
Giving chase to brighter things
And even I can say that faith is a beautiful thing
Even if I don’t possess faith in the typical things.
Even if it is only a faith in the fragile space
That exist between our heartbeats
Where quiet locks are kept
And keys are exchanged ,
Where lovers each learn
To pronounce
another name.

I have been broken down by numbers
And the harsh realities time has uncovered
Things that remind you, That fragile things die
Like butterflies lose wings
to vindictive trees  
I have been stolen,
And I have been lost,
Bound in life’s ties,
I have failed under different eyes
But I’m divorcing self hate
For a real chance at our
first real date
And let me make this clear,
my love, my friend, my dear
it is faith in the parts of you I will never see
in the layers of love
transending your physical touch
that evades any tie to the end of my pen,
in the reverberating sound of your name in my brain
that I found this thing
that makes me brave
that keeps me sane
And it is in these things I found my faith
And it is faith that makes me believe in improbable things

I broke away, suddenly and on unsure wings
I stepped forward swiftly into darkness
Giving chase to brighter things
And even I can say that this faith is a beautiful thing
Even if It is not faith in the typical things.
Even if its faith in the fragile space
Between our pain
Where we share the stories of which we are made
Collaborative artists, stenciling words to fresh page ,
Where lovers each learn
To pronounce
another’s name.
I have faith that your eyes and
“I love you” both say the same thing.
1.1k · Feb 2012
Remember
Tearani C Feb 2012
Do you remember when I put my last dollar
In that vending machine?
And it didn’t give me my Dr. pepper ?
And you walked away and bought your lunch
And sat next to me smiling
to share your soda and make it better?

Do you remember how my lips hurt,
So bad and I slept so little that night,
Because I hadn’t bought my books,
And you woke up in the morning,
To early and rushed to save the day,
Saved me twice by taking me away.
Sat with me and kissed my tender lips,
And told me I shouldn’t bite them
When I’m stressed?

Do you remember holding me together
When I had fallen apart,
And then you sewed together
My torn and tattered heart?
When panic revved inside my soul,
You held it there at bay,
whispered sweetly in my ear
That I was worth the wait?

Do you remember what you said,
When I was crying on the floor,
Rain was pouring in my head,
When I said I couldn’t hold it up
For another second more?
You told me to let it go,
And that nothing was as important
As seeing that I could be happy again?
And then..

Do you remember taking me to my own Prom,
Because I felt to alone to go?
And I was all wrong.
And you held me up and looked at me,
And danced until for a moment I was whole.
Like I had never cried before, like I
Had always known, you would come into existence
The moment I needed you most.

Do you remember sitting under candle light,
Without a single word,
As I cried, and you cried in a house
So full where not a person knew, and
The only way to be alone was to fallow
Me to the bathtub where we cried
And I kept touching you,
To make sure it was true, that you were
Still there. That you were real,
And you really cared to follow through.

Do you remember telling me I was beautiful,
When you should have said I
Was damaged? I can’t imagine
Anything better then when
I stepped out of the bathroom,
Downstairs and you stared
At the broken smile on my face,
And your eyes were empty for a moment.

I remember no one knew, like you knew.
No one shows me like you show it.
And when you say someday you will find a way,
To let me know that you will stay,
To let me know the way you love me,
I want to wrap my arms around you,
And let you feel it from me,
All the ways you show me every single day.
Because I remember,
And I can’t believe I get to know,
That I love you, and you stayed.
And I remember.
1.1k · Sep 2012
Blink your big blue eyes.
Tearani C Sep 2012
How do you spit acid and warp the way
Perception soaks up reality
And then stroll up like you have curls
And didn’t steal that poor kids candy?
Demanding I start handling
All the cracks in your porcelain heart?
Thinking you can catch me
And make me who I was before
You tore my wings off and broke
Every promise you ever made.
Think you could have made me stay
In the pouring rain, endure the dark.
But the things you said and the way you say
Makes people think differently, when
It just don’t quite line up.
It kills me , draws on my old pains
And feels strange to turn you down.
But I can’t stick around and listen to your *******.
It’s you….
Or me…
And I have friends who’ll miss me.
And you make me lose hope in humanity,
Oh yeah and grip on my sanity.
Find someone else to blink your
Big
Blue
Eyes at.
1.0k · Oct 2013
Two Books
Tearani C Oct 2013
If we were two books who happened to cross covers
Or over lap tittles,
In a momentary lack of structure
You would find us stacked back to back
As unlikely as a tragedy with star struck lovers..
Happened upon the other
in a library archiving
Written word and lives, and eons worth of soft
Text typed,

I would be a book of Russian poems
Roughly speaking of beautiful things,
With a bare textured cover, a soft sea foam green.
And you would be lost in the meaning,
In the reflections of your wealth
I would give you all the answers you hide inside your self,

You would be of another breed,
Your italic headings speaking of vastly different things,
You would show a thousand places I wish to know,
With a hundred hand drawn maps
Filled to the indentation with
realities greater than my own imagination
with pictures
That capture you, whisper liberation,
You would be the inspiration every trapped
lower class individual looks upon while dreaming up
Vacation homes.
You are the window to the places everyone
Everyone wants to know
Your pages crisp but warm, smelling of vanilla
Not a single scuff, crease, you are not torn.
A soft Carmel brown cover where
A hundred careful fingers hover.

You are probably thinking we don’t belong together.
Not in a library alphabetized and
Split into sections,
Good thing great librarians
Know better, she
Stole us and set us together in her own
Private collection.
There is no where I fit better than
Next to you, pressed cover to cover,
we are becoming  a story of
unlikely lovers,
We are best friends,
Penned from different ink
Speaking different themes
meeting
Resting between book ends designed
Out of clever minds set out to
To fuzz the line between actuality
And your aspiration,
We are just the perfect combination of
Drive and a dream,
The fact you are here means something
And the more I read the more it seems
Together we'll achieve great things.
Tearani C Sep 2012
I write better as a broken vessel
Spilling over my own inadequacies tumbling through the what ifs
And how comes, getting lukewarm and numb
Over the disenchantments of life and slowly
Switching sides and catching rides
To where its dark and admitting in quietly ushered
Murmurs that it’s left its mark. Stronger than a water,
Hesitant to admit while I  reminisce over brands
That’s burnt delicate lines in the skin on my hands,
Reminding me of my past while I build my future,
Grasping at shadows and stacking over the quivering edge
Of all the things I have left unsaid,piled high to seal tightly
With all the promises I kept, made columns out of those I loved
Then fell apart at there loss, when they left I wept, swept
Nice and clean by the words I said but didn't mean.
I live better tearing at the seems,
With screams gushing over while words bubble and steam.
I hoped a lot harder when I still believed in dreams and .
I hold up more rubble when I’m sensing something shifting
When I know I’m in trouble, and there’s no reason
To hold spasmodic thoughts hostage for a chance
At remaining on course, reasonable and on topic,
You can’t be expected to stop it if you don’t want it,
Plus I’m a better writer when the stakes are higher,
And my heart is racing keeping pace with the keys I press
Relieving stress in the small space between shift keys,
Nothing like poetic word ***** to put you at ease,
I just pray the release provides me the relief that I need
to close the windows to my soul and cling to some sleep.
1.0k · Mar 2012
The Bravest Thing
Tearani C Mar 2012
The bravest thing
Is the way I look while i'm swallowing my pride, looking in your eyes while I try to listen to you like your not about to lie, because you have. But I have to to give you another chance, yes I am scared. I can't stay here but I can't bare the though of leaving without you there.

The bravest thing
Is telling you everything, even how i feel thinking you might leave me when i decide to say whats real at the price that it won't match with your ideal of "true love" you have high hung above my name. I can't change the way i think, ignore the way i feel i hope you stay.

The bravest thing
Is telling you what I see when you want to pretend that how you feel is all that's real, that everything's simple and can be ignored. But you are wrong and I tell you afraid you may forget the many ways I strive to say the simple things and that you are my favorite place.

The bravest thing
was when you looked at me and said I was worth everything every word every fight, worth every night you were up late irate with the way things play when we can't get a **** thing right to save our lives. When you told me again and again, most of all the way you tried.
1.0k · Feb 2012
~Playing Playground Games ~
Tearani C Feb 2012
You’re my slow breath, my fast break.
My earth quake when things need shaken.
When everything’s pilling up and taking
Me with it.
You take it and twist it.
And suddenly I’m dancing with the way you talk,
Keeping pace with the way you walk.
Thinking up lyrics, as I pick out side walk chalk.
And I draw my name , playing play ground games.
Like I’m ten again,
Like the world isn’t heavy because its not.
You hold it up and around me ,
Keep me swimming instead of drowning.
Lithe and light, loud and giggling,
Remind me what makes life worth living.
I see you and my head is spinning.
You’re my sunshine, my playtime.
You’re a silly sentence with a goofy rhyme.
Your that poem I write when I’m smiling to big
And things are to good to find sleep that night.
You’re a hug and a text, the most beautiful mess.
Of all the things you chose to be
you chose’em best.
Honest, your honestly the best thing to
Bring out the very best me everyday,
Every now and then when I’m pinned and I need you,
I just call and there you are.
My slow breath, my fast break.
Im so glad I met you , so glad I’m taken.
Taken by you, right of my feet and into the playground.
Not a day passes , that I don’t want you around.
Not a single day I don’t miss the sun.
Just to keep pace with the way you walk,
Hear the sound of your voice so excited to talk.
Not a day passes I don’t want to be where you are.
Not a sunny day passes I don’t think of the park.
983 · Dec 2013
Best friends at best
Tearani C Dec 2013
I was lurking in the darkness
Surround in my abandon
Picking at my scars
contemplating life’s abandonment's
perplexed in Gods damning
and my sharp surroundings closing my eyes against
My internal turmoil
set against the existing struggles
Trying to forget to breath,
Listening to the whispers you start to hear
When everybody leaves.
Crunching dried leaves under
My lost feet and pondering
How I became bare like
Fall’s trees and empty
Like the vast space below dimming stars
And wishing I could be brave again
And dare to dream
Or discover something new
Or belive in anything
Bigger than my own pain.
And then you stepped between greedy branches
Clinging to your shirt
Caressing that shoulder
I have been so known to weep against
You told me
You loved me and I've always known you know me best
There were warm embraces and
A place for weary soul to lean against
You said I had come far enough you’d carry me the rest
And that best friends ought walk together at least
And be in love together at best.
948 · May 2012
On transparency and masks
Tearani C May 2012
Tested and built to last.
Fragile and transparent
I am stained glass. They laughed
When I turned my chin up and spoke
What everyone hoped would remain
Untold, thought none were bold enough
To mention all the lies, mistrust and superstition,
Scared to be under eyes, that heads would turn to listen
How you are all talk no action,
So I said I was done I won’t listen.
You clench your fist and hiss than
Said I was broken.
your sister turned away, stopped caring for you,
your dad did too, and all those friends you care for,
that hole inside your chest that yearns for a kind word,
No one had heard.
he paused for breath before continuing the list,
I observed his eyes turn cold.
I clear my throat I had not broke
I am brave enough to be vulnerable.
Every one here already knew all of that.
they see through me I’m glass.
I just think its silly your all wherein masks.
Well he said I guess we all get what we deserve
And turned away, and that hurt.
Because I saw his pain and knew he
Still didn’t mean a single word.
Tearani C Sep 2012
I promised for so long to be strong enough
to face the brake,
so i could take the pain and never think
i ****** up. and i was wrong,
so i would have the nerv to hold on.
Beacuse no matter how many people say
im crazy.
no matter how many walk away.
I can not think.
I can not belive.
I can not acept that everyone
feels so **** alone.
so you can lie and test my boundry
i'll give my heart to break.
you can take my aspirations
and sink them in the lake.
You can walk right in and i'll
pull every gaurd away,
lock them in a cell and throw the key
so there the'll stay.
And you can push on all my bottons
tell you think its good and safe,
and then i'll wipe away your past
scrub away the staines.
I'll clean out all the cobwebs
in the closet.
Hold your hand while you face
every dark place created out of
loss.
I'll help you take your bagage off
tell all the trash is tossed.
than i'll let you be and set you free
and light the bridge we’ve crossed.
883 · Feb 2012
**Hope is a hang noose**
Tearani C Feb 2012
Hope is a hang noose, where I fall to my death,
Cold frosty fingers that clutch at my chest,
Hope is the blade deep in my back,
A wonderful feeling I’ll never get back.
The sharp tang of blood on the tip of my tongue.
Hard hurting feeling of a fast heart attack.
The destroyer and builder of things made to tall,
Hope is a building made ready to fall.
Hope is the sorrow I hold in my head,
Hope is that feeling they say keep unsaid.
Hope leads to thoughts like I wish I were dead.
Hope is made to create need for the healing,
Hope creates blindness in intelligent being.
Sometimes to hope means close your eyes and stop seeing.
Sometimes to hope means pretend that your being,
Sometimes hope is a wish, wish washy receding,
White water, ink written and bleeding,
Nothing can be as you see it, there when you need it.
felt as you feel it.
Hope is a hole in you saying I miss it.
An empty room, I want out,
A kiss on an angry mouth,
An angry child that pouts.
Hope is a dark hole in the darkness
to let yourself out.


[I am not suicidal this poem is a means of expression. I'm not planning on hurting myself]
873 · Oct 2013
Escaping yesterdays
Tearani C Oct 2013
Its been awhile I think
Sense ink dried un-smeared across
My skin , a page, or anything
To think it leaves me dismayed and I’m ashamed
To ponder what I left caged
What I don’t say and I think
I’ve become the type to leave dark things
Behind heavy drapes in my mind
Nothing escapes this mask
The task is to see the shallow echo in my eyes
And that’s
Simply more than I have right to ask
So know
I’m sorry for my silence
But it’s building violence, escalating in my
Quivering soul and
Soon enough
I’ll explode.
And I know
you will help me glue
the splinters back together
you are a soft coo
Love of mine,
A foothold
You make me hopeful
After I unwind I think
I’ll fall into the sunshine
And try on a smile.
Tearani C Jul 2012
Its forced, like a crow bars metal bite
Against the cold surface of my heart
Where the anxiety pries,
Hard against my insecurities,
All my bad dreams, and
Old deeds done and buried, regretted
And carried to their graves,
Never to be replicated,
Torn from there spot
At the bottom of my heart,
Blood spills, crimson dripping
Down the concaved prison.
And with all the feelings that have risen
For no good reason I feel ashamed.
When I was dyeing but survived,
I wish I had just closed my eyes
And drifted to whatever end
Suits me best and sooths anxieties
I hold in my chest.
To feel free for
Just a single day,
Be free of me and this
I confess is the brightest
Of all my pipe dreams.
Not scared with the panic of my anxieties,
always chasing me.
834 · Jun 2012
The Re-build
Tearani C Jun 2012
I worry that you don’t want me
Any more
I’m cast aside and crumbling
So I’m locking every door
Your castle walls cascading
Toward a dropping fading floor.
You used to take me so high
Then you would build me up some more
I was invincible
Supersonic, inconceivable
Hypnotic, unbelievable.
Inside of my walls
You said you were home.
Now deep inside I feel alone.
As I fall to ruin collapse
All my pieces hurdle to earth
Land against raw dirt and smash
Confused, astounded
And grounded at last.
822 · Feb 2012
A shadow to a shadow
Tearani C Feb 2012
I am just a shadow.
The real me knows how to say the things that matter.
The real me knows how to smile,
How to free laughter,
After the tears I dry I fix broken hearts.
I’m smart and I knew you.

But I am just her shadow,
Because you look through me.
Tears In your eyes always undo me,
And I cant think of what to say,
nothing matters more than this…
Helplessness
Hopelessness.
My shadow passes through hallways and leaves a trail of tears.
At the end I’m alone forget our earlier years.


Your pain haunts me,
More than you will ever know.
It haunts me and its always there.
A shadow to a shadow.
I find I fall further,
From the truth,
From myself,
As I change.
And I lose you.
And I realize as I call your names
Again,
Again,
Again,
That I am the same.
That I have not lost your names.
You have let go of mine.
While i'm searching you hide.

I am myself, not a shadow.
I dry my own tears.
I know how to say the important things
You don’t want to hear.
I can say the truth,
And what’s right.
And I’m right here,
Calling names after shadows.
Calling,
Calling,
Calling,
Everything about you hunts me.
The real me.
And I know I’m right.
Because under the weight of the world im still standing.
Solid, whole, real.
And as your shadows pass through me,
It seems suddenly the realization hits me,
That in one way
A shadowed you and a shadowed me are the same,
In one way.
I’m still all alone in a hallway.
Written as a poetic explanation of my senior year of high school.
Tearani C May 2012
It's night.
and nimbly
she - well not quite dances.
But entrances me.
My mind fumbles.
It's spinning.
There is
music there.
it emanates from her body in
Neon notes.
They free float.
It's a smoothe picture to swallow.
But they are stuck in my throat.
(like my wordless hope
that she'll lean in,
halt her dance,
just long enough to press her lips
to mine)
she resonates with every note and
she dances like the silkiest spoken
word.

Limbs
sway
she makes
day
break
Stealing the color
of neon skies
Fluid in her every stroke
the same electric blues,reflecting in her eyes,
Her gaze set fire to my haze,
Struck a chord inside my chest,
the note somehow complementing
the delicate sway of her hips.
her lips, where the tip of my tongue could only dare to caress
801 · May 2012
On the bus home
Tearani C May 2012
That moment of awkward forced eye contact between strangers
On a hot and crowded public bus.
My reflection on the screen of my laptop seems to soft
Against the harsh rattles, jangles, clatters.
Peculiar people spoiled by the heat.
Thighs stick to pleather covered seats..
While candy apple red hair with a wrinkled face
Speed talks keeping pace with the changing place
Outside wide tinted windows,
Miss hand gestures competes for air space
While the wind whistles through an open window.
Shadows dance across the broken dreams
Of a forlorn man wringing withered torn hands.
No silence draws attention like his can,
Stands out like a numb spot
On a sore thumb. Falls nicely behind
The loud roars and murmured hum.
The whole seen a dysfunctional sort of thing,
But I think you would better yourself
If for one day you let your guard down
And climb into a packed space on a hot day
And made friends with
That moment of forced awkward eye contact between strangers.
801 · Mar 2013
crazy glue
Tearani C Mar 2013
I’m searching for my muchness,
As the mad hatter always said,
I’m looking for the lively part
Of me inside that’s dead.
Scrambling after my Integrity
That crashed against the floor
Wondering about cohesiveness
Between who I am and was before.
Bits and pieces scatter an awful kind of mess

Still that bottle of adhesive
nimble hands and held breaths
Still add up to time spent on things
You can’t fix.
They all call me their rock,
I think im more of a brick.
I say I’m a bad *****,
But they all call me a ****.
And when the ground slips and mask crumbles
When I lose my grip on my cover
And I sob like a kid, no one will love me
Like I always thought that they did.
So back to the puzzle
Hand me the crazy glue.
I need a few eons and patience
an I’ll be good as new.
Given for contingency
I’ll be as good as you.
Tearani C Feb 2012
Here in your arms I lie in a dream
But I am wide awake.
Looking through azure eyes you take,
My breath, my heart, its beat,
You take me to this cerulean beach
With warm sand, and sun siting lightly on my skin,
We sit both of us, Mellifluous,
The hum I hear so sweet while
Safe here on your naked chest.
So warm, playful and light hearted,
My smile and your laughters started,
Silly, sweet , witty ,
That electric tingle, when you lean to kiss me.
The feeling of you pressed against me.
Sheltered safe, secure and shielded,
From anything outside of feeling,
Outside of red lips pressed lightly
Against my skin, murmuring warm truths,
Before finding my mouth again,
Outside of the heat of the sun and
Swell of the waves,
And the feelings you give me
Day after day.
Right there in the azure eyes
Of this beautiful man I find,
Exactly what it is,
That I’ve wanted all this time.
Tearani C Apr 2012
You are a drink of warm water come to fill
The void in my chest, ease its ache for
A desperately needed hour of rest,

His red hair and charmers smile
Set fire to the things I said about
Being so void I was numb,
Seems dumb now as heat
Rushes through my veins.

I think of him and his laughter
The next night and every after.
And how his broad chest and long arms
Protect me from all the pains
Of complete maturity.

He  hurries to encourage me
To dance in the rain, and play make believe,
Maybe that’s how he got me to see
I could be happy, I could live in rapture
Created by captured moments of his touch,
Collaged out of memories of us

Like running across campus
Bare foot and key in hand,
Single piece of hair like superman.
Your hand in mine despite
Angry words misplaced and
The feeling of your chest
Rising and falling beneath my cheek.

Your eyes mean everything.
A Band-Aid across my brokenness,
Long desperate kiss
To fill my chest with butterflies
And play and bliss, no one means as much as this.
You are a complete twist ending,
To the way my life was spinning
And half my reasons to still exists.
Tearani C Jul 2012
He said
I don’t understand
I’m so simple,
Your complicated
To you everything crosses over
All of it is interrelated.
I am into linear thinking
After this happens
This is created.
Keep lines from touching
Situations separated.
He takes a step forward
Foot hitting hot pavement
Pointing to squares of the sidewalk,
Ones split down the middle
The other shattered
An asymmetrical lace
Like pattern.
And what he really said
Was simply
“this ones you and this ones me”
But that’s what he wanted me to see.
And I saw all the situations
I had thought the exact same thing
And how to him this conversation
Probably seemed like random conversation
Without a place or destination,
He’s probably wondering
Why it would leave me sad,
Smiling and laughing because I cant explain
All the things the sidewalk means,
Describe the point where
Every crack happens to meet.
And I don’t think a single thing leads to
Any other single thing.
And to me that seems...... complicated.
this poem is inspired by real life events, my boyfriend will remember this moment in our lives. something about it urged me to try and capture it.
770 · Oct 2013
A little love note
Tearani C Oct 2013
You are the counterbalance to my mischievous soul.
Providing direction to a wounder-er unsure of where she'll go.

You have become countless breath taking destinations;
Appealing to my wanderlust
pulling from my weary soul
a trust

I would hesitate to think existed,
your presence and persistence
are exceptional,
my perceptions shifted.

Your grin is a force to be reckoned with.
I gave you my will and you bent it.
I gave you my good sense
and you spent it.

Admit it,
you admire my wit,
even when driven to wits end,
we co-exist in perfect contradiction
amending every bit I'm missing.

And when when I whispered we were meant to be,
I meant it.
769 · Feb 2012
Happy birthday!!!
Tearani C Feb 2012
My day full of excitement, contentment,
I think it’s a blanket, warm and soft for me
To hide under and swim in, cloths my eyes
To breath and to forget how my head aches
And I feel faint of late, my day like the warm hands
Of the suns ray. And you are so far
I grin this year, you cannot take this.
I will not be thrown in the snow,
Or under your heavy tears, I will go
Where I go, and I know that this year
My day is my day finally I get to spend
My single day my way.

I wake head ache, highstrung,
Muscles week and pulse to strong.
I know soon my day will come.
My phone rings , it’s you ,
I hope that I’m wrong. And you tell me
To cancel my plans, you’re coming
On Friday, your sharing my day.
If we are both being honest you tear it away.
I have no choice, I have no voice.
So I will pretend to smile,
As you move the miles between us and
Take away my first, last, imaginary
Day that I saved in a heart shaped locket,
From the rain of all the disappointment
I feel because of you.
It’s my twin sisters happy birthday.
I have been invited.
And I have to smile and say
You’re so sweet,
And thank you.
757 · Feb 2012
Poem to Jill
Tearani C Feb 2012
Some want to hold you,
control you.
she sits besid you
just remaining herself.

They call you the dark,
we call you the light.
Everyone sees you,
But nobody can.
Nobody knows,
your heart or your head.
nobody knows
the words you've not said.

Some think you evil,
all at odds with the world.
We see a saint and a beautiful girl.
I know these words mark you,
remember impressions fade.

One day you'll wake,
when whistle blowers
give chase to themselves.
and you'll be left alone-
face to face with yourself.
(Forget the whistle blowers darling.)
756 · Oct 2012
That only you can give me
Tearani C Oct 2012
There’s nothing like feeling swimming sun on your skin,
Sweet strawberry taste, voice soft as the wind
In blue skies, tingling high feeling you give me each time
You sink the beach in your eyes into the ocean of mine.
The electrical storm you induce from your touch
When each nerve sends and receives just a little too much,
While you caress and trace so delicately across my face.
While your fingers graze, clasp and tease ..
Until I've forgotten to breath
A soft sigh escapes my lips, evidence of unconditional surrender
I want to sink against your lovely(naked) chest ,
I want to stay there for forever,
Still my favorite place of all of the rest.
My knees weak, eyes closed and pink cheeked.
There’s nothing like these feelings
The really spectacular ones,
That only you can give me.
754 · Feb 2012
Nicholas I love you
Tearani C Feb 2012
If I say it enough maybe you will get it.
“I Love you more than yesterday.”
If I say it enough perhaps you will see,
That” you are so good, so sweet”
And perhaps if I grasp at the edges
Of everything I can’t quite say, can’t quite frame,
Am searching for am sure remains,
I will convince you of these things.
If I say them enough they will be true to you too.
If I keep finding ways to say
“Nicholas
I Love YOU. “
752 · May 2012
A guilt laden truth
Tearani C May 2012
When I think about you leaving,
I have to stop my breathing
From stealing me away into waves of havoc ,
Awesome in their size taking me down
Beating me with panic, honestly
The experience is to traumatic,
So I leave the thought lurking
In the background of my anxieties.
Whispering silent pleas to a god
I don’t believe in, or who does not believe in me.
Scraping a sense of purpose from my tired
And ragged bit of existence expressing
My resistance in hushed goodbye wishes.
Hugs and kisses misted in years of tears
Drifting down pink cheeks, where red lips perched
And brow  becomes furrowed ,
From the words I’ve borrowed,
And slipped from A mouth that’s
Clinched “ I miss you already, I’m about to slip.
I will never be ready. I’m going to be sick.”
I bite my tongue back and realize what I haven't said,
Just a broken track playing inside my head.
Nothing but a scared heart filled with dread.
And the guilt of all the things I’ve just said.
I know she will be happier there, I don't want her to feel  bad. I just love her to **** much. Sometimes goodbye is impossible.
740 · Sep 2012
Today
Tearani C Sep 2012
Today my heart bleeds in my open chest,
My head rest on a stained pillow case
And my thoughts chase their tails inside my head.
Today I spent to many hours alone,
Waiting for my mistakes to play out,
Watching the stakes grow high,
As circumstance and fate conspired
To show me exactly how alone an individual can be.
Today the breeze blew a whisper
So soft and free, I hate the things it said
About how I’m losing me.
I can’t remember where I’m going ,
I have forgotten where I’ve been.
I remember being shorter
But never feeling like a kid
Today I spent hours wishing I could
Feel like something I could recognize
Wishing I could hide inside
The dreams I used to have,
Wishing I could grasp at things
I used to understand.
Today I fell and the ground flew up
So fast to hit me hard.
Today I realized that loving myself
Just shouldn’t be so hard.
And that my broken smile has
Its own wicked cynical charm.
I’m still breathing, so why can’t I
For the life of me
Feel like I’m living.
Today is just another day
I fell through,
but whether or not I lived it,
well I couldn't really tell you.
731 · Feb 2012
Damn Clock
Tearani C Feb 2012
that feeling, when your heads reeling
and you keep seeing, everything
that’s telling you to be something
other than yourself,
and you are so mad
that the **** clock still says
its to late
to be awake
thinking about EVERYTHING
But I do it anyway.
Tearani C Apr 2012
Here in a strange world is a girl,
who lived in a town,
where everything was turned around.
She sat in the sky up on a cloud,
and said as she thought aloud...
why wouldn't it be strange to live upside-down?
where things don't fall up but always fall down?
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