i don’t know what to do with myself

i am, on my own, putting myself into even deeper trouble.

and this time i looked up, thinking that would make me stop digging deeper.

but i have come to realize that it didn’t stop me

and that i am in the midst of my inevitable and predicted downfall.

when you learned how to sleep with your
eyes open, you also climbed out of our grave
from six feet under. i stayed behind, and that's okay...

i dug with my own hands
and my own shovel.
only to find that,
fires can’t burn six feet under.

it was all fun and games until it wasn't.
running around in circles, a mind and matter situation.

Why is it always the best people that we lose first?

since i was young i was told
over and over again
that life wasn't fair,
everything happens for a reason,
and that when we look at death
we have to see that person and know we will
see them again in the future.
but i look at it now and
don't understand anymore.

if everything happens for a reason
then explain this to me, how could
someone bring bad and suffering upon
a person knowingly? why would you do
this if you know it will hurt others?

it's in times like this i tend to lose my sanity,
hope, and faith.