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Apr 2015 · 350
Open mic
SydneyAnn Apr 2015
Even if no one ever reads these words
I'll read them to the insects or I'll read them to the birds
I am broken and I am
Put together all
In the same sentence
I am crying of laughter and sadness all in the same sentence
Even if I never spoke to you again
I would speak to you in a million more lifetimes or a million times 10
I do miss you I'll admit but I don't miss you at all and that's contradicting
I haven't called you for a week but I can't wait to hear from you and that's contradicting
Mar 2015 · 298
Untitled
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
It went from playing it cool
To getting played like a fool
No broken rules
But the rule was to not forget
And to not fall out of it
Or wake up from it
I deemed it permanent
But you weren't meant for it
Your choice not mine
Your choice I'm keeping my time
I tripped on this and then I looked in the mirror took a Xanax
And I don't trip on the little **** anymore
Mar 2015 · 329
Often
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
This man who disregards your feelings naturally,
This man took your heart out of your heart and threw it on the ground and has been beating it for a while now.
That's the man you're in love with?
That's the gentle, calming, hands are made for healing man?
Life gets confusing and I don't mean the directions I mean the emotions, I'm not the one to ask for help but if I did you're who I would ask,  he opened phone calls back and fourth till the calls ended.
That's everyday, that ***** often.
Feelings getting shut out. Often.
Manifesting ur words to talk to me. Often.
Sleeping alone. Often.
Mar 2015 · 330
Pointless Confusion
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
Sunday
Messy hair growing out
She shaved the side of her hair because she was bored
He was wearing her black bucket hat that she never wore
She wore baggy shirts
Monday
Black coffee with sugar
He refused coffee, orange juice because he was specific
She waited everyday for him to get home
He always got home
Tuesday
Milk and cereal
She asked him if they should have kids one day because she wondered
He took a bite of apple jacks
She realized the irony of having that conversation over fruit loops or apple jacks or whatever
Wednesday
Silence
He picked her up from work at 10 pm, he didn't mind
She didn't say much tonight
He didn't either
Thursday
Tomorrow is Friday, February 14th
She wasn't the type you bought flowers for, she knew that
So he didn't
She still wanted flowers
He never got her flowers
Friday
Valentines day
He cut a pizza into a heart shape, he was simple
She didn't even get a phone call on the next valentines day
He still loved her though
Saturday
Goodbye
She couldn't do a lot, but she could take a hint
He did love her despite his actions
She understood
Mar 2015 · 222
Untitled
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
Loving you means
Hating me
Mar 2015 · 360
Call It Art
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
I want you to feel my skin
Then touch my skin
Then claim my skin
Then cut open my skin
Rip out my insides from within
I want you to make love to me
Then to destroy me,
Physically.
Like you did,
Mentally.
I want you to make art out of me,
Using my emotions as your paint brush,
My blood and guts can be the paint,
And use my body as the canvas.
We will call it art.
Mar 2015 · 367
4/29
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
I met him right before winter
And then he hit me just like,
a winter storm.
Almost instantly I didn't know what to do,
but love him with my whole being.
He called me his sunflower,
but there were no sunflowers where we were,
just dead flowers.
He kept me,
alive.
I tried to be as close as to him as our human bodies would allow us,
to be.
But even with him inside of me,
I needed him closer.
He dug into my soul with a shovel,
he took out everything he needed,
I told him to keep it.
I didn't need a soul,
he is my soul.
I learned that,
I did not love him,
He is my love.
And wasn't that the most special kind of love anyway?
People **** for the love that burns inside of him and,
I.
How did I get so lucky,
to love, a love, some wait their whole life for,
I found him at 17,
he turned 18 with me,
I turned 19 with him,
we will watch the numbers of our bodies turn with the world,
while our ageless souls,
soar in different dimensions in sync, and out of sync.
We loved until winter was long gone,
and the sun shone on all the flowers including,
me.
I didn't need him to keep me alive anymore,
just to be alive with me.
Just to live a life with me.
All four seasons,
we learned to love,
for no reason,
at all.
Mar 2015 · 1.1k
Dying
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
They were dying their hair
And shaving the sides
Just trying to find out
What felt right
They were piercing their bodies
And piercing each other
She loved him
And
He loved her
Mar 2015 · 250
her she girl
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
you know i loved a girl once
well i thought i did
she knocked down my walls
she even caught me after a couple hard falls
she felt my whole body
but i didn't let her feel me any deeper than that
she got inside of me
but not in deep enough
i could never find it in me
to love her enough
Mar 2015 · 362
Untitled
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
I kind of want to invite you over
I kind of want to write some of my feelings
I kind of want to pop this xanax and forget my feelings
I might just call my ex out in Vail
I might just invite you over
I might just say ******* all its over
I'll stop before I'm ahead
I'll stop so just go on and get ahead
Mar 2015 · 1.2k
i bid u goodnight
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
going to bed happy
for the first time
in a long time
a smile
on my face
in bed with
an empty
space next to me
going to be happy
Mar 2015 · 208
Untitled
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
i love you
I'm literally talking about you
if your a human being on this earth
on this website
reading these words
that i typed
i love you
you're so special
your skin is silk
your face radiates beautiful light
your smile is not overlooked it is appreciated
your voice soothes
the universe loves you and i love you
spread love not so it comes back but so someone else can have it too
#love #you #humans #yourespecial #appreciation #silk #beautiful #radiatinglight #soothing #universelovesyou #iloveyou #spreadlove #deserving
Mar 2015 · 620
Untitled
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
I got the closure I've been asking for
I cried a while
I'm in the middle of transitioning and I really didn't even have a comfortable spot to cry it
So I sat in the bathtub- cup of tea in hand
and I cried
And then I got up and I went and conversed with my parents and I smiled and I laughed and I loved them
and you can stop me from loving you but you can't stop me from anything else
So moving forward is the easy part
its looking back that gets hard
Mar 2015 · 354
Untitled
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
Sometimes your voice is music to my ears
Sometimes your telling me things that I don't want to hear
Sometimes I can't help but scream at you
theres really not many people I do that too
The disrespect hurts
but I might be taking it out of context
even on your worst days
you never wanted me hurt
which hurt the most
why even care enough to make sure I'm not hurt but not care enough to just be with me like you used too
And I would never say that to your face
I won't beg for you
I will be fine
but I also would be with you right now if the choice was mine
I don't have enough in me for the both of us though
Im thin
Im down to the bone
hardly enough love in here to keep me going
but there is
Im picking myself up
and Im leaving you behind and underneath me
I just wanted to write it down to mark the last feeling for you that I gave the time of day
Mar 2015 · 420
Untitled
SydneyAnn Mar 2015
I opened a fortune cookie today and it said,
"Someone is watching you afar."
I got high and drove home alone.
Feb 2015 · 616
dead skin
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
I used to grip your hair in my hands
you choked me sometimes
it wasn't all in lust
I scratched your back so hard
I left marks
and I'm sure there was dead skin underneath my finger nails
You didn't like to kiss when you expressed love physically
I didn't mind because kissing preoccupied me
We met on the same wave length of dysfunction
and our vibrations created a dimension in which we could disappear in
You would stare so deep into my eyes
that you would see past them
Sometimes we cried
but we never stopped
you were so gentle

But you hurt me and I don't mean when we did things sexually
I mean intellectually
out of all of our destruction in the act of reproduction
I only ever felt hurt through your words

What I would do to lose myself to you again
Feb 2015 · 233
Untitled
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
sickened by the thought of your past coming back
scared to walk away with an *** like that
Feb 2015 · 204
Untitled
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
I don't need a human being to fall in love with
I fall in love so many times a day with all sorts of things
and smells and tastes and sounds
Feb 2015 · 355
Untitled
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
I lost control
and now I can't see straight
my mind was yours to unfold
but now I can't dictate
what you know and what you weren't told

I went back in time
but this was in a dream, not reality
I told you things that I had hidden inside
and this was so real to me
what hurts is that it never existed in your world

Maybe I never existed in your world
Feb 2015 · 5.0k
Corruption
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
I try to close my eyes
Because when they are open I tend to realize
things I hate to admit but that I despise
To me it is no surprise
to see the division on each side
Stereotypes are being idolized
Human beings are not being individualized
not being identified
Just stamp them with a number
222-33-4444
Send them to school to make them
Smarter
but dumber
to the reality
They take the unbalanced lead
of what stares at me
but moves passed me
I am followed by the past me
Inevitably,
we are
who we are destined to be
Because of what was taught to me
I have chains on my wrists
in this country
but they say I am free
while they distract me
subtract me
yes, me
but you too
Because we are one but we are two
Unity
You and me
me and you
Don't lose yourself
if you are lost, I am too
Feb 2015 · 984
736 Days Ago
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
Express with me
Breathe less with me
Undress with me
Make a mess of me

Break me
Make me
Take from me
Do anything but ache for me

Leave me
Deceive me
Free me
Do anything but be with me
Feb 2015 · 1.3k
RIP 2012
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
Rest In Peace
You are dead to me
And I'm dead to me, too
because I left too much of myself with you
What's real is real,
and what's real is you're dead
Maybe not in reality
but I swear that it's real in my head
The voices tell me what is true
and the truth is,
even when you're dead I am in love with you
Feb 2015 · 1.7k
Untitled
SydneyAnn Feb 2015
High eyes
Hidden lies
Realize
A compromise/ Violence in disguise
A noose is the new suit and ties
We are morphing into one- jobs 9 to 5
Sleeps schedules are identical- tired eyes
We are our own
but you are I, you's and I's
Laws to abide
Words to coincide
Strong people- scared- run and hide
You are us or you are them- chose a side
America the Great- America the Free
They lied

— The End —