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  Jul 2014 Taru Marcellus
labyrinths
if i had an eternity
i wouldn't apologize for the things i said
but things i didn't say
because silence kills more than words

and isn't it funny
how jesus is in our hearts
but god can't stop the suffering

every atheist
has been an agnostic
and i am on my knees asking
for god to take me
instead of that seven year old boy

but god takes him instead of me
and the last thing he said to me was
"i want to be an astronaut"

and i suppose
none of it really matters
because the seven year old me
wanted to be a veterinarian

but the seventeen year old me
just wanted to make it through the day

i'm wondering
if the seven year old inside of me
is still alive

or maybe god had taken her too

someone once told me
that there's a kid inside all of us

i think
mine is trapped in my rib cage
my bones are the cell
and my veins are the noose
that threatens to take her life
if she acts up

and maybe
i am the warden
of this prison

the cigarettes and the blades
are what's keeping me in power

i want to throw them out
if not for me but for her

every agnostic
has been an atheist
and i am lying in my bed telling
the seven year old girl inside of me
that she can come out now
Taru Marcellus Jul 2014
stir
stir vigorously
stir until the handle knows it's purpose
feels vs knows... which works better?
  Jul 2014 Taru Marcellus
JDK
I wish I had a time machine to go back and kick my own ***.
Or at least try to talk some sense into myself.
"Listen kid, this **** doesn't bode well. You're burning alive and headed for hell."
Maybe writing is its own kind of time travel.
Billy Pilgrim knows what I'm talking about.
"Chin up child. Stop playing wild. I know you're trying to make your own style,
but you'll lose more than you'll gain."
But before I step in and turn the dial, my future self comes back to slap my hand.
"Let it be," I'll say to me.
One day you'll understand.
I'm my own worst critic/biggest fan
  Jul 2014 Taru Marcellus
Tark Wain
Everything happens for a reason
Said one man to another
that’s ******* you know he responded
and even if that was so
should it be some consolation
should I be amazed by the worlds complexity?
should I applaud the interwoven madness
if the one left out is me?


Does a bull admire a matador’s technique?
Does a building admire the strength of a wrecking ball?
Tell me why the system is great
why I should care about the meaning behind it all
what you have is what you love
and I could never love a theory
I believe in the material
because it’s the only thing my eyes can see


Tell me why my wife died
Was it to save a thousand lives?
because I would **** a thousand more
for one more look into her eyes
Maybe her death
somehow saved my life
well one day I will die
without the comfort of my wife


That’s all it really is my friend
a celebrated rain delay
God’s in his high chair
choosing who will go and who will stay
but eventually we will all leave
despite all the magic this universe has to offer
you believe in faith sir
but sadly I am bogged down in fact


The man was choked up
as he searched for words to answer the other
I did not know your babies mother
but my son did
She pushed him to safety from a car
taking the impact that was meant for him
so while I'm sorry for your loss friend
there is a reason behind everything
Taru Marcellus Jul 2014
I hate the idea of next steps
as if life needs planning
as if it won't undertake the future
without consulting your intentions

next steps:
float into oblivion;
become the dying star I have always wished upon
next steps:
graduate from a static state;
become a 3-dimensional character
next steps:
explore the southwest part of town;
find a structure that speaks to me
long enough for a 10 minute conversation
next steps:
take a shower;
prepare to step outside
next steps:
contrive an appropriate line for the end of this poem
next steps:
Next poem is #100, a major benchmark. Look out for that poem. It's definitely a notch above.
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