#abusiverelationship
Because of you
Contact makes my skin crawl
His feelings made me flinch
His love felt like a threat
My stomach touches my back
Whenever I think about eating
I shed the person I was
And scratch in unfamiliar skin
The abuse became routine
And I couldn’t detect it
And worse of all
That i can’t blame it all on you
But on my own complacency and comfort in the destruction of me
It’s true I hate you
But I hate me more for letting you destroy me
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 11:48 PM UTC
Why do I choose the men that hurt me?
I’ve reeled about this for days on end
Not having an answer and feeling so lost
It’s an endless cycle that I can’t seem to quit
But I’ll take any excuse to feel pain
And punish myself for all of my sins
And maybe that’s you
My living punishment
Because why would I need to hurt myself
When you will do it for me
Feb 7
Feb 7, 2026 at 1:37 AM UTC
Your ghost brawl with the pome notes
–it's not their fault they both lingered.
Grapple with Diana 'til I see the sun.
Six months have passed, why haven’t you died?
Wish you a life, just not in my head.
Warmth and war, Apollo —that's what you are
Pick daisies like I pick my battle bruises.
Warmth and war —I keep plucking,
hoping for even petals.
Oct 23, 2025
Oct 23, 2025 at 3:43 AM UTC
The winds of change swirl in my life, leaving new breath in my lungs. Is this me? Am I truly free from all your negativity?
My chest burns with something new, love?
Not for you, but for me.
I'm finally free.
Jul 31, 2025
Jul 31, 2025 at 1:35 PM UTC
i gotta stay sober,
you’re an ******
you’re killing me,
it gets me in a euphoric state
you’re too persuasive,
***** poppy,
your spell casts perfectly in my body
and you make me your dolly
Feb 21, 2025
Feb 21, 2025 at 7:31 PM UTC
I have just taken the first breath of fresh air after being held underwater for so long that I thought for sure I was going to die.
I could’ve sworn I’d already gotten out of the water a long time ago,
I remember fighting for so long to swim out,
But no, I remember now.
Just as I had caught sight of the shore there was a man there rushing to help me out.
Thank god because I was exhausted after fighting so hard for so long,
I do not know if I could’ve gotten out without help, and I told him as much.
He offered me such kindness that it seemed easy to put my trust in him,
And so I did.
I looked over my shoulder one last time to take in the place I had run from and prepared to say my final goodbyes to it,
After all there had been good memories made here too,
Before I had been pushed in,
Although those seemed like forever ago now.
I take a deep breath and start to turn my head forward once again,
But all of a sudden my legs are no longer there on the ground holding me up.
I do not know what is going on but the water surrounding me threatening to enter my lungs feels so familiar,
I almost let it consume me.
I did not even realize I was being held under until he loosened his grip for what was only a moment,
But that was all it took for me to take that first breath and run.
Oct 29, 2024
Oct 29, 2024 at 9:23 PM UTC
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he is a little ***** and rough around the edges, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he was bad with money, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he isn't as educated as I am and sometimes he gets mad at me for that, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he pulled my hair that one time, but it felt like home, and mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he treated me like **** but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he doesn't really love me, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he gets pushy with *** but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know none of my friends or family like him, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he will leave me faster than he came, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he uses me, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he won't be enough for me, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know we love in different ways, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he draws too much attention to himself and I hate attention, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know, I know I know, I know.
I know mama, I know.
Yes, yes mama I know.
Yes, I know
I know.
I know!
I know mama!
Yes, I know!
Don't you think I know?
Mama, I know!
But mama, mama listen!
Listen mama!
But mama, mama listen!
Listen mama!
You won't listen.
Mama! HE HELD ME!
Well mama, I did it.
Mama, I got him to calm down
Well mama, I did it.
Mama, I got him to treat me right.
Well mama, did it.
Mama, he chose me.
Well mama, now I am unhappy.
May 27, 2024
May 27, 2024 at 1:25 AM UTC
i laid on the bed completely defeated
with tears in my eyes and a handprint that left my skin heated.
i said no, and i meant it.
but you begged, you just couldn't accept it.
after you ****** me and used me at your disposal
you turned away from me and the phone screen lit up your face
so i turned my back on you and cried into stained sheets.
i never looked at my body the same
after you branded my body with your all-too-common name.
Sep 1, 2021
Sep 1, 2021 at 8:45 PM UTC
When you were feeding me pesticides, you asked if you were poison.
No, of course not.
How can you be poison when the fruit is so sweet?
When your control over me spread like cancer, you asked if you were a disease.
No, of course not.
There is nothing alarming about you, nothing to widen my eyes at with worry.
When I choked on my tears, you asked if you were a flood ready to drown us both.
No, of course not.
You are nothing like the unyielding water, scratching at the rock until it was as smooth as them.
When your short fuse scotched me, you asked if you were a fire destined to burn down the world.
No, of course not.
You are warm and safe, but not dangerous-
I mouthed silently at night.
When I was lying on the floor, barely clinging to consciousness, you asked if you were death.
No, of course not.
Death is merciful.
Death is inescapable.
When I was dreaming of you, you asked again if you are all of those horrible things.
Yes.
Yes you were.
Dec 21, 2019
Dec 21, 2019 at 4:27 PM UTC
I smile as tears roll down my cheeks
The blissful moments I can’t seem to recall
Perfect memories become demons gnawing at their own echo
Passionate hugs tightened to a strangling embrace
The electricity in his eyes filled with cold determination
The racing of a heart in love, infused with anxiety
The touch of skin, rubber
Numb and painless
And the beautiful memories continue to haunt me
Dec 9, 2019
Dec 9, 2019 at 2:32 AM UTC
sometimes, i hear it
i miss it, and want him back
i miss the feeling of what i thought was love
and my family getting along so well
i miss our 4 am face times and the love he gave to me
but then i remember,
he never was patient
he always wanted to know more
i gave him more, yet he never listened
i cried and screamed at his false suspicions
he yelled back, his voice raspy from staying up late, indecisive on whether he wanted to make ‘us’ work
i cried because he never trusted me
i laid in bed, restless,
because he sent me to bed uneasy, fighting all night
yelling over the phone
never letting me glance at any other boys
never letting me talk to many girls
never trusting me to even go to walmart
it was unfair
and yet, somehow, i occasionally miss that boy
Sep 8, 2019
Sep 8, 2019 at 3:13 PM UTC
I beg you
reach out your tongue
and caress me with your words.
Soothe me with your hum.
I want to be enfolded in
the licks of
your love.
But your tongue sits
heavy in your mouth
stuck between
contempt and
apathy.
Only ever touching me with
it's brutal lashing.
I wish I didn't love
the sight of blood.
Jun 4, 2019
Jun 4, 2019 at 6:13 PM UTC
We press our bodies together
Forcing separate atoms to form one
Of a new breed,
But it will never be achieved
We don’t bond
Just periodically breathe.
May 31, 2019
May 31, 2019 at 2:15 PM UTC
We press our bodies together
Forcing separate atoms to form one
Of a new breed,
But it will never be achieved
We don’t bond
Just periodically breathe.
Aug 12, 2018
Aug 12, 2018 at 10:46 PM UTC
please don’t touch the glass
i’m startled enough as it is.
everything is warped and i
can’t tell ceiling from wall.
please tell me where i am
and please do so right away.
i’m running out of oxygen and i
need another breath.
please don’t feed me here
i do not intend to stay.
will it crack if i scream?
these are things i must know.
but please don’t walk away
iloveyouimsorryimsogratefulforallyouvedone but
can i walk beside you now?
please
i promise i’ll be good.
May 7, 2019
May 7, 2019 at 12:16 AM UTC
when you were crying over him cheating on you with lily, you should’ve called me.
when he would slap you silly, you should’ve called me.
when you thought about taking your life because of him, you should’ve called me.
you shouldn’t have let him win. you should’ve called me.
but i wasn’t there...
Apr 17, 2019
Apr 17, 2019 at 2:50 PM UTC
She didn’t understand herself
Her mind was in a state of pure chaos
She didn’t understand the powers
She had deep down inside
Her soul was burning
With an igniting flame
But she didn’t understand what to do with it
She didn’t understand right from wrong
Her wings that made her fly
To the highest of heights were cut off
And burned
Her head was in the clouds
While her feet were on the ground
Constantly having the desire to fly
But was unable
Not understanding why
An outside force was dragging her down
Which made her think the worst of herself
Without her vibrant personality
She felt nothing
She would try to fly nevertheless
And would always come crashing down
Constantly hurting herself
Making it worse every time
She was left broken, beat up, and bruised
Feeling unworthy
When all along it was you;
Who didn’t have the capability to fly
Apr 4, 2019
Apr 4, 2019 at 8:55 PM UTC
My heart began to tick away time
Like fingernails to a table
Running out the clock on our relationship
Running out the excuses in my brain
I became so good at weaving lies,
I kept myself warm even when your arms were far.
When a person freezes to death,
They take off their clothes
in a phenomenon known as paradoxical **********
Taking off my
lies
excuses
folly that you're good for me
was the hardest part of
learning where we were.
In letting go.
In death.
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 3:40 PM UTC
If some of you wonder why I didn't just leave, I need you to hear this.
I told him to leave my house, he refused. If I tried to call someone he would take my phone. If I tried to leave he would block the door.
Why didn't I just ask for help? Oh I did. My mom thinks it's my fault and my friends just ignore those texts; they'll answer any other messages I send them, but not the ones begging for help.
He told me not to tell my therapist, but even when I try she tells me it's just a hard time and we will get through it.
I have given up even trying to leave. I will just deal with this. I can't get out on my own and I have no help. Everyone is okay with seeing me like this. So I guess I just won't make a fuss about it anymore.
Don't you dare blame it on me. I did everything that people tell you to when you're in a situation like mine.
"Why didn't you just leave him?"
Why didn't you help me?
Feb 4, 2019
Feb 4, 2019 at 1:55 PM UTC
The things he said hurt her terribly,
His words cut like knives,
But she wasn't allowed to scream
Because then people would see what was happening,
And they would know how terrible he was.
No punches were thrown, no slaps were
Necessary to bruise her heart.
Now with every beat her heart grows weaker.
Her mind weakens with it thinking,
“What if he says it again, what if he hurts me again?
What if it turns physical?”
She doesn't trust him, doesn't love him
The same way she used to.
Her heart is damaged, and his words now have
Done too much damage for him to fix it.
So she must find another, one who has
The capability of fixing her heart without hurting it more, someone with the true skills of a surgeon.
She finds him, and grows to love him,
This one who has mended and enhanced her heart
In ways she cannot explain, but
She is not destined to be with him,
As her lover drags her back to the
Dark recesses of her mind where
She grows to hate herself because of his hurtful words.
She prays that one day that
She will have the courage to break out of the cycle
And keep her heart intact and whole;
The way it was supposed to be.
Jan 30, 2019
Jan 30, 2019 at 4:16 PM UTC
I wonder what you're thinking about with that blank stare.
Do you mean it when you tell me that no one else compares?
I want to believe in you but I have my doubts.
Where is someone that can tell me what you're really about?
Blue and glossy eyes, scarlet face, and frightful disposition.
I know my friends would tell me to run if they knew my position.
Your actions, I cannot deny, are beyond my comprehension.
I am stuttering and shaking, I can't help this apprehension.
When will I get the courage to leave you and accept our fate?
Sooner or later, they will see through my eyes too, and notice how they dilate.
Ask me how I am, I'll tell you I'm fine and some other lies.
But please don't listen to my words, just look at me in the eyes.
Dec 24, 2018
Dec 24, 2018 at 8:38 PM UTC
you were the moon,
and i, the tide.
you hauled me in,
only to set me loose again.
"i'm sorry, i love you"
bruises from the impact litter my spine, my ribs.
"forgive me"
the words emerge from your coarse lips,
begging me to overlook the torment.
"it won't happen again"
i try to escape, to fly away,
but the arduous grip of your hand keeps me on the ground,
cemented with a scar to show for it.
and as i stare at you, the fury burning in your eyes,
it's now me repeating those same words.
Dec 14, 2018
Dec 14, 2018 at 5:40 PM UTC