it really is like pulling myself along in life while fighting off everyone else.
Jan 29
Jan 29, 2026 at 9:23 PM UTC
My mother tells me she is impressed that I always seem to land on my feet, but I don't have the heart to tell her
that I never fell
I came out hold her on my shoulders
and as I aged I added each member of my family
and then still others that I either drug up and forced to stand upon the pile just to say that someone chose me or people that snuck up on me
preyed on me
waited until I was about to regain my balance just to jump atop the pile of the "I need you to"s and sink my squat so low that my feet are firmly planed shoulder width apart, knee joins fully collapsed, pushing the floor away with pure balance and the fear of the fall.
I have not landed at all.
Dec 9, 2025
Dec 9, 2025 at 9:25 PM UTC
You see I'm a helper
I live for a
"miss, I need help"
or an
"Ana can you call right now?"
and that is exactly why I saved you
my dear
from having to save me everyday
I said goodbye
not to make you sad
but to free you from
the woman
that saves
in order
to be
saved.
Dec 3, 2025
Dec 3, 2025 at 11:36 PM UTC
and tell me exactly
how
am i
supposed to look
at
a
man
that is calling me beautiful
and tell him
that i don't like it
because
his voice
isn't
yours?
Feb 6, 2025
Feb 6, 2025 at 10:26 PM UTC
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he is a little ***** and rough around the edges, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he was bad with money, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he isn't as educated as I am and sometimes he gets mad at me for that, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he pulled my hair that one time, but it felt like home, and mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he treated me like **** but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he doesn't really love me, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he gets pushy with *** but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know none of my friends or family like him, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he will leave me faster than he came, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he uses me, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he won't be enough for me, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know we love in different ways, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know he draws too much attention to himself and I hate attention, but mama he held me.
Yes mama, I know.
Mama I know, I know I know, I know.
I know mama, I know.
Yes, yes mama I know.
Yes, I know
I know.
I know!
I know mama!
Yes, I know!
Don't you think I know?
Mama, I know!
But mama, mama listen!
Listen mama!
But mama, mama listen!
Listen mama!
You won't listen.
Mama! HE HELD ME!
Well mama, I did it.
Mama, I got him to calm down
Well mama, I did it.
Mama, I got him to treat me right.
Well mama, did it.
Mama, he chose me.
Well mama, now I am unhappy.
May 27, 2024
May 27, 2024 at 1:25 AM UTC
You see, I tried to tell him
about that night
"No" I say, "he didn't hurt me"
and no I didn't say no
but I said things like
"That's enough" and "I don't like that"
And yes at first I had wanted to
And no I wasn't so drunk I couldn't consent
But I turned my legs and offered something else
he didn't want that...
I faked it to make it stop because I didn't know what to else to say
I laughed about it with my friends because I was trying to get
another reaction.
I was trying to ask someone if it was ok...
I told my priest and he said I was asking for it
I told a pastor and she said "we all make mistakes"
I told him because I wanted to explain...why I didn't like that one thing...
I never told myself. Because I didn't want to hear what I had to say.
and that
that
is
the
problem
Mar 31, 2019
Mar 31, 2019 at 2:56 PM UTC
I was going to **** myself today, but my boyfriend called and he wanted to talk till we fell asleep
I was going to **** myself the next day, but I told my mom I'd come visit and I did
Then the next day came and I was going to **** myself but I went to church and they told me it was a sin
That Monday came around and I was going to **** myself, but the boy I nanny said "tie my shoes ana" and we made a plan to teach him how to tie his own shoes
I was going to **** myself after he learned to tie his shoes, but then he needed help with reading, and then maths
I was going to **** myself today, but I just realized the excuses I make are the reasons I don't.
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 9:01 PM UTC
does the inside of your head
ever feel like a radio
thats constantly changing
stations
with lots of
static
and all the stations are
bad thoughts
that are strung together in
a sort of continuous narrative
of constantly escalating
fear
and
compounding dread?
Jun 11, 2018
Jun 11, 2018 at 1:05 AM UTC
"Don't tell me sad things"
He says
I guess I'll just hold it inside.
Your selfish words have made me self sustainable.
I do not need you. I pick you. You should feel so lucky.
"I need you" he says. And that's just great. No pressure.
I do not need him. And that makes him sad but its the truth.
"I don't want to lie to you" he says.
Well that's fine. But it is easier that way. Just tell me what I want.
I just want things my to be my way. What's wrong with that?
"Don't tell me sad things"
I guess I'll just hold it inside.
Oct 21, 2017
Oct 21, 2017 at 9:04 PM UTC
But when we sit down and think about it
I'm really not sure
I have no idea in fact
I can't tell you why
No one else seems to know
And there aren't any distinct feelings about it
Its just there
My life that is
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 1:27 AM UTC