My sorrows.

I'll write it all here.

Hoping one of my friends would see this.

Hoping I don't get drunk in emotions and spill out private information

Here goes my story.

Childhood. I was a fighter. I hit and kicked everyone when I got angry.
I didn't know what was rude. I had hard times controlling my anger. Maybe if I did knew, it wouldn't be just me who was getting in all the trouble. I felt different. "Why couldn't I have self-control?"

Older. When I came into this new country, I was excited. Although I wasn't old enough to understand how life would be like. I met people from my country here. I was happy we spoke the same language. But I was still a fighter. And then "that" happened.
It happened in a continuing way. I was the first born. I had no siblings. Then when I was getting use to the new country, my mom was pregnant. We were of course happy. But before we could even know the baby's gender, it died. In her womb. Because it was too weak. I cried. So hard. Even now I tear up, thinking about it. Then later on when I got older, I was told my mom was pregnant 3 times after I was born, and they all died. So 4. 4 died. Few years later. She was again pregnant. And we were careful. Very careful. But it died. Then she was pregnant again. But this time, it lived. And it was born as my little brother. We were so happy. Then not just a few months ago, about in October, I was told my mom was pregnant. This time we were even more careful, because of the things in the past. But later the truth was told. My mom wasn't pregnant. For some reason, only the womb was formed, not the baby. And it wasn't anybody's fault. My mom was just those 100,00/1 rare moms who's womb was weak and unstable. That, was the first sorrow.

This is the second sorrow
Pre-teen. Maybe say about 3, 4, 5 grade. I loved playing and hanging around with my friends. I always begged my parents if I could go over to my friends house. I was happy. My best friends were the friends at church. I was best friends with 6 of them. JL, JK, DK, JB, JL, and JNL. We were from the same country. They were my life and soul. But we had to move to another church and I was depressed by the fact that I had to leave my friends. Luckily, there was JK, a boy from the church, and our family moved next to his. We hung out every time and enjoyed playing outside. But there was always a problem. He had to move back to the country where he was from. It was a country across the Pacific Ocean. I was depressed. Not that I had a crush on him or anything, but, we were great friends. After he left, I started hanging out with my friends at school. My best friend was T. She was smart and funny. We always talked about books we liked and drawings we drew. I was again happy. Then it was time to graduate. I was going to a middle school. But sadly, she had to go to a different middle school because of where she lived. Again I was depressed by the fact that another best friend had to move away. The thing is, I moved a lot. So I moved around schools a lot. 3 times already. It's hard getting use to school. Especially when someone asks me my race and sometime calls out the features of my face. I feel like a girl from another world. 2 years in this school, 2 years in that. Right when I get used to the school, right when I start to love my friends, I have to move. I felt horrible. Still, I couldn't stay sad. I started hanging out with JL, a girl from my previous church. She was hilarious and funny. She and her little sister, JNL, moved in to our church and we all played together. I was so happy. We had millions of sleepovers together and had so much fun. But she had to move away to Vancouver. For the 4th time, I was depressed. And this time I was depressed even more than the other times. I had to consider her the best friend I ever had. And she left. But there was one more church friend. DK and her little sister, JB. We rarely met each other the past few years, but my mom took me to a language school, and I met her there. Her little sister, JB, was the most hilarious person I've ever met. She goofed off in while the teacher was talking and set the whole class laughing. I hung out with them this time and really hoped they wouldn't leave. But in not even a year we were best friends, they had to leave to New Jersey. This time I wasn't as sad, because I could still text them, and I didn't want to be depressed, but I realized something. When ever I made a best friend, they would leave me. Not on purpose or anything, but they would leave to some where far away, making me miss them so bad. And I was done with this nonsense. The sorrows of church friends were done. These days I cling on to my friends at school. It's the most happiest time of my life. The friends are amazing. And there's this one girl, S, and she's amazing. Funny, cute, and shares the same fandom with me. I am happy. So happy. She's been my best friend so far. But the painful pattern continues. She told me, that after this semester, she will have to move away. Move away to another middle school. See? The pattern continues. Now I'm too scared to make a best friend, because I'm scared that they will move away. Disappear. And make me miserable then before. But don't worry..... there's one more friend.. one more hope.... It's a girl 1 years older than me. I'll call her P. She has an older sister, J. I hang out with them often. I mean, my friends at school are okay, but I have a feeling I'll have to move away again, so I try hang out with P and J often. I mean, they're cool! We draw comics and share them to each other, talk about the new show or whatever. But- there's always a "but." Always a problem at the end.

So what do you think? Do you think the pattern will continue this time? Do you think that girl will leave me this time? Do you think she'll leave this time?

Well...

Let's see.....