The night was calm and silent
Until I heard a shriek,
I knew it was my girlfriend,
For her I went to seek!

In the bathroom she was standing,
She looked to be in fear,
Then with her words that followed,
The situation became quite clear

"The toilet seat is up!" she cried
"What is wrong with you?"
"The toilet seat is up" I concurred
"Cos I didn't take a poo"

"It's not hard to place it down,
So really what's the issue?
If it grosses you out to touch it
I suggest you use a tissue "

She yelled at me for an hour,
Whilst I just rolled my eyes,
"Imagine I sat straight down" she said
"And developed a rash on my thighs"

This whole traumatic experience,
Has led me to a decision,
I'll put it down real nice in future,
But **** on it with precision