Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com
14 August 2024

    Comparing our Secret Service with Barney Fife is Inappropriate

                          Because we love and respect Deputy Fife

In art, incompetence can have a certain charm
But in stupid men with guns the charm is lacking
Our agents can’t even keep themselves from harm
Their greatest skills are in shacking and slacking

Colombian girlies and slanting roofs
Unman the best of them; they lose their guns
They lose laptops, but never their 90-proof
And break into private property for poopy runs

To them a President entrusts his life –
He’d surely be safer with Deputy Barney Fife

Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com  
https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

                                     President Doctor Jill’s
                    Really, Really Secret Service Beefcake Boys

                    O that he were here to write me down an ***! But,
                    masters, remember that I am an ***; though it not be
                    written down, yet forget not that I am an ***.

                    -Dogberry, Constable of the Watch,
                    Much Ado About Nothing, IV.ii.76ff

Swimming-pool chums, closer than a brother
Flexing their guns and tats at each other

Nobody know who the new agents are
(Wanna ‘phone, wanna flat, wanna shiny new car?)

Want some shiny new tech toys, loads and loads?
What’ll you take for those nuclear codes?

Hunter’s good buddies living large on the beach
One says he misses his Colombian peach

$30K a month down in Malibu
To protect an artist (but not me or you)

Nothing to see here; now don’t get nervous
For we are the party-hearty Secret Service!

(Say, babe, what’s your sign? You come here often...?)