we’ve been here before but this time it feels different
the numbness of my skin warding me from feeling,
again
what will rush the blood through these veins
what will give the feeling of dopamine,
no touch.
just self, feeling, being, living
overpowered by the numbness and the darkness that looms over as being okay seems to feel okay
are they one in the same?
confusion. delusion. happiness
this isn’t the rush our young selves yearned for
deluded by the imaginary happiness constructed from confusion within oneself
nights dreaming of what could be
never discerning the darkness of what couldn’t be
longing for life to be a feeling of dopamine,
no touch just...
being