What a palaver
When your account’s been slammed
No internet or landline
Communications jammed

Who’s to blame?
Plusnet/Skye/EE?
All say “No!
It wasn’t me!”

So while they pass me
From pillar to post
I report them to OFFCOM
Now surely they’re toast

Can’t cut me off
For two whole weeks
And expect me to roll over
And turn the other cheek

I’ve been stitched up
Through no fault of my own
WIFI is no more
Running through my home

So I sit and I wait
Under house arrest
From the crack of dawn ‘til noon
At their inconvenient behest

For an engineer to appear
And rectify my plight
Get me back online
Before I lose my se

He’s cutting it really fine
This elusive man from BT
Another telecoms co.
To add to the other three

You’d think between the four of them
They could sort this major mess out
Not condemn me to more complaining
And shooting off my mouth

I’ve already had to take
A whole day off of work
Pay to use a net cafe
And it’s driving me berserk

Buy some extra data
So I can surf at least from my phone
And now I am a prisoner
A jailbird having a moan

Fast forward now an hour
The swine did not show up
Called Plusnet again
And spoke to some other dumb fk

Who told me my order was cancelled
By Orange - what a joke!
Another corporation to add to the mix
Now that’s five I want up in smoke

She then changed her tune
After putting me on hold
For an interminable time
As my blood boiled with these woes

“Oh sorry he came at 9
And fixed things externally”
A day off work was not required -
Well thanks for telling me!

Incandescent I tear into her ear
Wishing I could slap her face
If only this rep of Plusnet were here
What a ***** up, an utter disgrace!

“Yes, it’s unfortunate”
Understatement of the year
I’m seething at this heartless t*t

Who unfortunately doesn’t
Empathise
And is only increasing my wrath

So I ask for the boss
To lodge a complaint
I’m that flaming angry
I could actually faint

I must wait for a call
As he’s not around
Typical, I think
What a bunch of clowns.

I’ll update again
When I have more news
Until then must I simmer
As my screws are now loose.

Plusnet I hate you
You’re customer service is dire
You just tell me lies
I want to set you on fire

I’m no arsonist
But it’s been nearly a month
And still no flaming WiFi
Now I’ve really got the ****

And I know all about humps
As I was recently on a camel
And through that I’ve learned to hiss and spit
And p**s like these unruly mammals

I’ve conquered sand dunes
On the back of these beasts
And shall take you down too
If you persist giving me beef

Should’ve been last week
Now it’s going to be next
Stop moving the goal posts!
Can’t you see how I’m vexed?!

You say there’s a fault
On my line
That YOU disconnected
Then CHARGED me a fine!

You won’t refund me
Until it’s all been fixed
But fix it you can’t
You complete and utter *****!

I’ve spoken to OFFCOM
About my complaint
And drafted a letter
That clearly states

What berk’s you are
What incompetent buffoons!
To allow me to be slammed
Then rub salt into my wounds!

By making me pay
For the service I haven’t got
It’s laughable really
But I kid you not

So the saga continues:
I’m disconnected still
Hope you enjoyed the sequel
But to live I’m losing the will