driving away from you in the late am
i'm running from things i don't want to feel
with every mile i feel the missing
portions of me reaching back to you

i try to be myself as i'm recreated in loving you
i try to sing and the melody sets me free
i'm dancing in the late am
thoughts of you music to my ears

i turn my head because i swear i can feel you
as the traffic lights turn red
there you are, right next to me laughing red
and i break into a grin

i don't know how to be myself again
remade under your gaze
the moment suspends
you're still looking at me smiling

the lights turn
you're away and so am I
driving away from you in the late am

i've tried so hard to erase you
i take someone new to all our places
trying to overwrite you.

the sights and the sounds, the smells
hold onto you relentlessly
and everyone new i bring to hide you
behind new memories
only are tainted by the ghost of you

i can still see you leaning there on the corner
running a hand through your hair
my mind recalls you effortlessly

like you were always a part of the corner
like instead of you clinging to only my world
the world cannot cease to remember you too.

your name is a curse
that i should be too old to be affected by
they say 'you should take the higher ground'
like you haven't buried me
with a youthful smile
deep under your
deceitful charm

and then the day came
that i was caught in a momentum
and i threw back my head and laughed
when your name didn't pop up anymore
and your face was gone from my minds eye
and i breathed the thought out
'he's finally gone'
i expected to feel more
perhaps more grief
new grief
maybe wistful or missing
maybe fierce or triumphant
but i felt nothing
if but a small after-taste of relief
but otherwise there was nothing
and he was nothing
nothing at all