A letter from the dog
I appreciate you taking time to read this
I'm not gonna keep you long
There's just some things I need to say now please don't take this wrong
But have you ever thought about how it feels
to have a finger shook in your face and hear "Go on!"
I'll bet the enemy was treated better by the likes of Genghis Kahn
And then it's "get over here and eat!
Or "Now go on and lay down!"
You're really gonna use me, to throw your weight around?
And what's with making me stay outside
I'm not that bad you know
Here's an idea we'll flip a coin, if it's heads I win, you go!
You brought me here to live with you
I didn't bring you to live with me
Good thing too cause I'd put your *** outside
and ask "how you like that heat?"
Man the only thing I'm guilty of
Is trying to love on you
You act like I run around here plotting some evil household coup !
I'm not here to try to run things
You're the king here that's just fine
But please king, be on about your day, do your job, let me do mine
If someone's passing by the house
Man it's my job to bark
They can't be walking all across our grass, like our yards a frickin park
That nasty attitude of yours
Makes me wonder "what in the world?"
But I know what's up and I won't say a word, truth is, you need a girl
Well buy one, try one, hire one
Hell go down and rent one chief
But do it fast, I'm begging you cause I got to have some relief
You're just so jumbled up inside
You got zip for self esteem
Talking all that BS bout "I'm livin' the dream"
The problems all inside your head
I mean that's crystal clear
Speaking of, I've got to say, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer  :~
So why just yell and point your finger
Why not kick me too
You should be ashamed picking on a dog cause your life is all askew
Another thing, I like steak too
How bout a bite for me
I'll trade you your plate for my bowl, YOU eat the pedigree
You eat that steak all by yourself
You sit there all alone
Well don't be so tight mon lean cuisine, throw the dog a bone!
I'm not sayin' the pedigree is bad
In fact it reminds me a lot of love
At least it does when it comes out, that's when it chokes me up
And would you mind not coming home so drunk
I hate you all like that
Last night you took my food bowl, and wore it for a hat!
I'm gonna leave you alone now
But I'll be down here on the floor
And I'll be waiting for you, next time I hear the door
Truth is I'll never leave you
I'll always be here cause in the end
Mine is the love you can be sure of
Sincerely
Mans best friend

You told me time and again how you did it, life I mean
how you never let anything beat you, man or machine
How you got sick and tired of being sick and tired
you know underdog gets angry and so triumphs
The innumerable possessions you acquired
And I remember the feel good story of ..
the guy who knew
so little about a business
Then went on to become a huge success
and I remember everyone in town thought you were great
From the homeless man on the corner, to the district attorney
all you needed was a running mate
I'm surprised the elbows in your shirts lasted
Given all the rubbing they went through
and I remember you could cook
And sew, you could sew better than most women
which would serve to fuel more than one smile
on more than one occasion
You were an admirable man, by anyone's standards
I remember how you always had an answer for everything
Me myself
Things DO beat me sometimes
for me sometimes you win, sometimes you get beat
Win or lose is NOT the issue
but that I have the heart to stand toe to toe with life day after day
And I say that with a heavy heart because
Because I've lost friends who couldn't
And I get sick and tired too, but for me, sick and tired go hand in hand
Like Sunshine and rain, like happy and sad
Like up and down or good and bad
For me, That's just life, it does that, I have two little rules
#1 Don't sweat the small stuff
and
#2 It's ALL small stuff
Business, sore subject
Moving on ...
Hey! I CAN tell you about being a pirate!
Not a peg leg, patch over one eye kind of pirate
A ship commandeering, treasure hunting pirate
you should know though that
I may refer to something like a bed as a "ship," and to me
Not all treasure is made of gold
But that's me
The people in this town don't all think I'm great
The district attorney certainly knows my name but, we're not friends
I'm friends with the homeless guy on the corner
I stuck a dinner in the microwave last night for two minutes
does that constitute cooking?
I haven't sewn in years
And they don't let me play with guns these days, you know, since
the incident  ;~
I don't have all the answers, not even close, I wish I did
But then
You know one thing I NEVER could get you to understand dad
I'm not you