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There is a babe online I talk to from time to time and her name is Clairey-Lou.
She lives in Worcester on the other side of the UK, prolly never will rendezvous.
She got big doe eyes next ta which Bambi's seem positively beady.
Her fav sarnie is salad cream and mayo... baby, that's crazy!
Other 1/2, Harvey, won't start a family
- from what she tell me, he ain't cruel.
Coz another lost bubby
just about send Clairey loopyloo.

And sometimes when we log off, we write 'Elephant Juice'.
CL says lips make the  same movements
enunciating E.J. as when you say 'I love you'.
I don't know why we text it, but it's nice.
It's like our way of saying I don't love you IRL,
but let's enjoy a fantasy that if we met, we might.

Her BFF is Bridie, their Friday night selfies so ebullient
I crack a smile.
She works a Chain Hotel;her cupsize is EE; troll follows her called Gabriel.
She says I am a hotty, but if we're talking flattery, file me under 'Terry Teflon'.
Norwich Catfish's tats, cuts, cicatrices only a filter could see thru.
Sleepless in Worcester, who do ya dream ya talk to?
Coz I got pet'll set off your catishoos.
Bless you, Miss Worcester, I tell you who ya talk ta:
stissed, poned sad poet, crooning Clairey-Lou.

And sometimes when we sign off, we type 'Elephant Juice'.
CL says lips make the same movements
enunciating E.J. as when you say 'I love you'.
I don't know why we text it, but it's nice.
It's like our way of saying I don't love you IRL,
but let's not destroy the fantasy that if we met, we might.

Don't tell Harvey sometimes we write 'Elephant Juice'!
Don't tell Harvey sometimes we type 'Elephant Juice'!

— The End —