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Jasper Mar 2019
maybe i do like getting into dangerous situations
but im a showwoman
every night i force a bottle of *** down my gullet and feel it burn in my throat
i put on my heels and strut to the stage
and i climb the ladder up to the top to walk the tightrope of love
and inevitably i fall off into the safety net
but the next night i do it all again
because i have to

not for anyone else but for me
because no one thinks i can make it
no ones ever thought i could make it anywhere
people go home from the circus and laugh at me
they call me an alcoholic hack
they comfort themselves with the idea that im worthless
that all ill ever be is the ******* who gets drunk every night and tries to walk a tightrope in heels

and ive learned to be okay with that
because when they leave and the circus is empty
i take the *** with me up to the rope and i sit there
and i picture all their faces in the crowd
everyone that has looked on me with disdain
for trying the same old thing night after night
the ones who tell themselves they know ill never make it to the other side
everyone who thinks im an idiot for thinking ill find my happy ending
everyone who thinks ill never amount to anything but some sad joke to boo at every night

and i picture their faces when my heel clacks onto the other platform
how amazed theyll be
how theyll be so enraptured with my success they rise from their seats and scream my name
and how their thunderous applause will soothe all those impacts into the net below
but in the end it doesnt even matter if theyre there at all
because ill always be chasing that dream of touching the other side

and even if no one sees it
all that matters is my foot clicking on that opposite platform
and every night before will be worth it

and thats the meaning of life
a dream
one that means more to you than the booing crowd
one that means more to you than the glimmer of your skin in the spotlights
one thats all yours and yours alone
one that even if no one else knows about it
it will finally make you feel complete

and one that even when you complete it the first time
youll always come back
night after night
to do it all over again
and be comfortable with the fact youve finally made it
because in the end youre a showman
one married to her work
and as we all know
the show must go on

— The End —