The stories never end
They're all about him
He's never at a loss, always a win

Anything you mention, his done or been
Even the best at sports, his thrown that old pigskin
He's stories always told with that lopsided stupid grin

You can't help but listen, he's as loud as can be
He's as loud as the banshee
That lives down by the sea

He'll tell his stories in different versions of threes
I'd say he trying to confuse me
But he's to stupid for that, you'll have to agree

He's never worked a day in his life, but he'll talk shop
I want to take him to my old playground, in the tallest treetop
Or out in the middle of the grown corn crop

He talks nonstop
Till you want to drop
Makes you want to give his throat a karate chop

He thinks he keeps you on the edge of your seat
But you really can't wait to jump to your feet
The most amazing man you'll never want to meet

She must always be the center of attention
Loud as hell too, if I even need to mention
You know when she's around
She bellows like an old basset hound
When she's here she'll let you know
As picture after picture of herself she'll show
Always bragging on herself and her's
Like under your saddle a well placed bur
The same old stories over and over
She can talk anyone sober
I can only take her in a small dose
Not in walls that are close
In an open field, in case I need to bolt
Because I just can not cope
With the stream of ****
That spews from her lips
I'll run like a wild horse
It would be hard to follow my course
When I can't put up with her any longer
That attention seeking monger