(To my sisters and brother)

I will always miss …


Our sunset ending quarrels

Our never-ending teases

Christmas’ shared carols

Warm hugs

Through sweet gazes

The sarcastic smiling faces

The growing-up races

Revenge taking chases

Greed over goodies to be hidden

In unpredictable places


And I will always miss …


Competitions and crazy bets

Singing hilarious duets

Of made-up songs in the shower

This innocence

Of our childish humor

Screamed from a room to another

That art of tricking eachother

To cleverly stay in control

Or wrestling over the remote control



And I will always miss …

Decades of shared history

Amplified joy and divided misery

Bursts of laughter on old tapes

Creatively imagined games

Of whirlpools in drapes

And goalkeeper leaps

Random costume parties

Daily role-play stories

Sega sagas from dusk to dawn

Alliances and conspiracies


Sisters, my lovely sisters

Wise, you have become

Loving wives, caring mothers

Soon, you will become

Make sure your kids relive

What we used to live

Their uncle will make you proud

Just like you fill him with pride


Brother, dear brother

I secretly looked up to you

As I grew older

I kept resembling you

It doesn’t matter

If you’re a little far

Brotherhood’s a matter

Of unbreakable bond


And I will always admire, respect, love and cherish …
Every single one of you

I felt a faint sense of the electricity from my brain connect to my body. Its been over a week and I finally forgot that I had a heart. I left it on a dark road within a two mile walk through the doldrum's fierce winds and stinging rain. I wish you could've seen the sky tonight. I have the most contradictory love for the winter. I hate the cold, but it clears the shaded sky leaving nothing but small traces of artifical clouds, and tonight I saw the stars breathe again. The first day I saw my most familiar friends since the time I laid on your car in the summer. I asked these stars of mine if they thought you knew that I think they're beautiful because you're beautiful. I wondered if you knew that they only stay here because they know you're beautiful too. Even if you don't know, the stars do, and so do I. I imagined today how difficult it must be to be you. Never having the privilege of having a different set of eyes to witness what I see in you, and never having the privilege of falling in love with you. You'll never know what it's like to have your soul ripped from your body by a pair of lips and eyes and your touch. Your touch. Your touch. Your touch... Maybe to you, I'm obsessed with your touch, but you breathe because it keeps you alive and I crave your everything because you make me feel alive. I love you. I have always loved you. And today, just like everyday, I fell in love with you again, and today just like the first day, all it took was your name.

I'm sorry I left, my darling.
I get ****** up in my own
world. Your words have
touched me so, that I haven't stopped
thinking about them,
and how I can't let them be for me
anymore. Your words are
far too precious to be mine
and I do not deserve you.

All is still and quiet.
The moon dances a cold, icy arc
Across the winter skies,
And my heart fights off the frost, for now.
This is the time for deadening.
Unforgiving season of cold, sharp clarity,
Leads to painful realisations.
I look back,
Trying to make sense of the dying year,
Trying to find lessons though the pain,
Trying to find feeling,
But November wants me numb.

The last thing I can do is forget you, because I have kept everything you've ever said to me. I was able to pull myself away from your pictures tonight, all I had to do was cloud my eyes with saline and you were washed away and reborn again. It's been an entire 10 minutes, and I'd like to say that I haven't seen you, but I can't seem to keep my eyes open because maybe this screen is too bright, or maybe your face behind all of my thoughts is the closest to the place we called home that I can get anymore. And the last thing I want to do is forget you, because it's a full nightmare living in any memory that you didn't exist inside of. I can barely bring myself to look to my left when I wake, and you told me that I'm crazy, but my skin just isn't the same without yours against it. And every time I feel myself tear, I take another step towards the place where the salt meets the water, at least this way I know I'll be hurting myself. You see, all I want to do is forget you, because in the beginning you placed a diamond on my back, and right now all I can do is place your diamond on my smallest finger, picturing it on you. I know what I said, but the last thing you should ever believe is that this won't stay with me forever and that I'd ever tell you the way I'd ask you to marry me. I know you wanted to see it, but everything I've ever felt for you is inside of this tiny box with its tiny cushion, holding the reflection of rooms full of light, and I couldn't have you look at it like you looked at me.. It's been two whole days since I had to beg to feel those arms that fit around me so well, and mine slid into your bone structure like they were made for you, because they were made for you. There's a reason my finger tips could cure your discomfort, and there's a reason that you didn't want me to stop. You know why you're body shakes to my breathe on your back.. And it's been two whole days since you couldn't bare to not kiss me, and I can still feel the smooth of every breath you took before your lips touched mine. The thing is anyone can make you feel the way you want, but only I know how to do it perfect because I know every little piece of you and I am infatuated by it all. I planned a dinner for two somewhere we could experience the entire world in one place, somewhere we could try new things together. I bought you a beautiful dress, then another because I knew you'd be worried about how you looked in it, and I knew you'd look irresistible in both, and I wanted to capture that night for the rest of our lives. I wanted to visit the city that held the first time you should have heard the words I love you, because I most certainly did. It's been two days since time started to matter with us, and my voice brought you nothing but hatred. So much, that you wanted to hurt me. So much, that you told me.. you hate me with everything inside of your heart, and your heart is the biggest, and all of that hate is for me. What's sad is that I've been shaking for the past two hours because you're not here to make it stop. I only know three things: I love you and I would never let you down again, I think it'd be okay to die tonight, and I think I have to go now..