it is so painful to sleep
through the night
when the stars & moon
whisper stories about you
as my pillow kisses my face
exactly as you once did

what i want
is nothing like
what i deserve
& i am trying hard
to understand
that my worth is more
than settling for less

for this lenten season
i will be giving up
loving others before myself
because i have given too much of me
to people who do not deserve it

i am always dedicated to revising my poetry
but i never take time to focus on me
my actual life
perhaps it is time to revise the toxicity
crumble up the paper you have been writing
endless ink colors on
& begin a new story on a fresh piece
i am beginning to understand that
it is never too late to start over in life

& you know what hurts the most
that you were not the person
there for me anymore
to kiss me goodnight
comfort me during nightmares
& still be there in the morning
after going through it all
& eventually it got lonely
without your presence in my life
i kept waiting for you to come
& part of me knew you were not
but a small part of me still held on
because that is what i do
i keep a small fracture of hope
hope for you & i
if you were not going to
i was
& you still never came around
so i had to become that person
to kiss myself goodnight
comfort myself during nightmares
because it was still i
who was there in the morning
after going through it all
but this time
it was without you
& if you ever decide to return
i will be strong enough
to leave beautifully like you did
because i am now able to play both roles
since you decided to turn your script in

you are forgetting

your body is a scared temple

you must invite only those
who have proven
they are worthy to love
everything of you
especially your scars

i am trying hard to find you
swimming in the middle of the ocean
as currents push against me
it is not easy to swim
when i am given options
to simply drown